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on 28 October 2009
My son's words on reading the contents page were 'Oh my god - it's dad'!
Someone hinted to my partner that he may have Asperger Syndrome, a few years ago. Neither he nor I looked into this syndrome until the relationship ended, when, on needing some clarification of both our behaviours during a long, difficult relationship I did some research. Books which are informative for the lay person are very rare. I am a medical professional and I found it difficult! The focus is on children. I purchased numerous books including the Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome (Tony Attwood) - not worth the money, looked up websites, visited my library, etc etc. The Asperger Couple's Workbook (Maxine Aston) mentioned previously, actually was the book which really confirmed that I was on the right track. Oh my goodness! The loneliness and isolation - it's real!!!

And then I was given this book!

Whatever people may think, this book actually looks at things in an easily digestable way. I don't care about the book's American-English, or the contrasting simplistic nature. It is not unforgiving on the person with Asperger's. Cassandra? ME, PTS, PMT are all woolly areas in professional-land! Professional snobbery won't help an individual who cannot understand why the man she loves doesn't show any love towards her. It has made me understand so many things and instead of feeling guilt, confusion and a hundred other emotions I can really work through things now. No one book is ever going to be perfect. 'You can't please everyone all of the time'! This is not an academic book, but it should be read by them.

This book is helping me assist my children in coping with a father who appears emotionally bereft, thus hopefully enabling a good relationship for them all in the future.
Like all information books, this book should not be read in isolation but it's an excellent one to start with.
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on 9 October 2013
I feel like this woman has been a fly on the wall in my life for the past two years. I can't believe how much my experiences of the characteristics of my AS man match the traits described here - things he does which are described exactly as I have experienced them, right down to specific things he has said to me which are quoted almost word-for-word! This book could've been written entirely about him.

When I first met him I was so confused, lonely and, to be honest, frightened because I lacked understanding of why he was behaving in such an alarming manner - the shock the author describes is so accurate, I have been utterly astounded on many occasions where his behaviour was so unexpected and seemingly unconnected with its origins that I have been left speechless. Now that I know there are many other women out there (and perhaps men) who share my experiences, it puts a totally different perspective on my situation and I hope I can now move forward (with him or otherwise, as I simply don't know how it will play out).

Thank you so much, Rudy, for this amazing book, you have made an invaluable contribution towards the world's understanding of this condition and to increased tolerance and compassion towards people whose minds work in unique ways. It is true that, whilst I have been to hell and back in my relationship with this person, I have also found heaven in ways that I have never experienced in my conventional relationships and I am totally captivated by him - his talents, passion, mystery, vulnerability - and I am profoundly in love with him.
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on 14 March 2012
I sat and cried for the hour it took me to read and absorb this book. It described exactly how bad I felt as living with someone suspected of having aspergers is extremely upsetting and lonely with having no idea why. I thought there was something wrong with myself but it was just a reaction to the brutal way people with aspergers can talk without realising they are doing it. the hardest part for a woman to deal with is the lack of feeling when she is upset as they simply dont recognise body language or expression of feelings

This has inspired me to look further into aspergers and have ordered aspergers for dummies to try and understand further. My son is also on the autistic spectrum so with all the help i am getting for him hopefully he will have less struggles and be able to cope with relationships as he gets older
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on 22 September 2014
i have AS and was diagnosed 5 years ago. I'm married and have 2 boys.
after finding out i had AS it answered a lot of questions in my life.. the more research i did the more it answered and the better i felt. however it highlighted to me that my condition impacted on other people and i noticed for the first time that my wife was missing emotional nourishment and that i had dropped the ball…
above everything else i want to make my wife and children happy and for her to have everything she'll ever need, not just in the materialistic sense.. so we decided that some areas of our relationship needed more attention and that we could work towards having a fuller and more 'normal' relationship.
in working towards having a 'complete' relationship we invested in books and went on forums, etc..
unfortunately this book isn't worth the investment, its a total waste of money and time, and to be honest, is at times out right offensive.
the author generalises and describes AS men in the way a racist xenophobic would describe a foreigner, e.g. all french men wear berets and strings of garlic round there neck.. they don't and not all AS men are incapable of functioning as a human being.. AS guys can be different and relationships can be harder but with acknowledgement of that fact you can then work towards creating a fuller and more open relationship.
rudy simone will have you believe all hope is lost and the pro points she gives you are as ridiculous as they are useless.
one of my biggest issues with this book is the author keeps banging on about women suffering from CADD, which after research I've found out to be a condition that is not only strongly contested but predominately only relevant to women that are cohabiting with men that are 'undiagnosed'. if your reading this book chances are you already know… (its in the title?!) anyway if you don't have CADD you'll think you have it by the time you finish reading the book its that bad.
anyway to sum up.. poorly written and very one sided.. (its like talking to someone when they've just broke up and all they want to do is slate there ex) avoid it, theres better books out there

my best advice would be to be totally open and honest with one another.. a while ago i asked my wife to tell me everything she was thinking and feeling because a lot of the time i didn't pick up on signals or just didn't even realise that what i was doing was creating an issue for her, we find this helps us a lot... and its nice because now i kinda know whats going on on her head!
good luck!
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on 24 May 2009
I have Asperger's Syndrome, am married with a young son.

I am highly disappointed with this book published only this month and think it is one of the worst so called factual books on helping those in a long term NT/AS relationship. Looking at the many previews that give the titles of each chapter I thought this was going to be a extremely good and worthwhile book on an Asperger/NT relationship. I thought that Rudy Simone showed little understanding and was rather negative about a husband with Asperger's Syndrome with some of the information given I would go as far as to say is inaccurate.

I got a strong indication from the book and was absolutely disgusted that the author would like those with Asperger's Syndrome to be assimilated into Neurotypical society, for many of our Asperger traits that affect us in relating to the Neurotypical world should be trained out of us. I also felt that the author like many in society are intolerant towards those who are neurologically different to vast majority of society in general.

"This book is directed mainly toward female partners of men with AS; to discuss what problems they are likely to encounter, and why. It will provide some insight into his thoughts on those issues - If you're an AS male this book can assist you in understanding your female partner; to see your behaviour from her point of view."

I am not really able to make a comment on whether this book is going to be useful for female partners of men with AS, however in my opinion a very much don't it will be useful. Definitely in my opinion this book will not assist AS males in understanding their female partner.

Unlike many new books on Asperger's Syndrome there was no actual new factual information given and personally I learnt nothing that I already didn't know.

The author continually kept harping on about the wife suffering from CAD-Cassandra Affective Deprivation Disorder, literally page after page CAD was brought up. Fine a couple of times is alright, the number of times Rudy Simone mentions CAD, by the time a wife has finished reading the book she will think that she must have CAD or otherwise something is wrong.

"indication that there was something "abnormal" going on inside him." This statement really upset me and showed a complete and lack of understanding and sympathy towards us Asperger's. We are not "abnormal" we are only "different".

Chapter 17 - "it's not unusual for a person with AS to say "I'll be right over," and then not arrive for many hours. They can get caught up in things along the way. Don't be offended. Just try to explain that your time is valuable to you and you don't like to left hanging: that if he is going to be late he should call." This chapter is trying to suggest that Asperger's have great difficulty when it comes to keeping a social appointment when in Fact 2 out of 5 Asperger's run their life by the clock and 20.00 means exactly that, not 19.59 or 20.01.

At the end of the book under Glossary of Terms under diagnostic (DSM-IV) it suggests that one looks this up under (Wikipedia 2008) which I think is an extremely unprofessional place to go and again shows the authors whole approach to Asperger's Syndrome.

One other small point, as an Asperger I didn't like the fact that this book is written in American English, with all the usual British English spelling mistakes.

Overall I think this book puts us Asperger's in a bad light and is an extremely poor book on the subject of a long-term relationship with an Asperger partner. Therefore I am unable and will not recomment this book.

The books that I do thoroughly recommend are Autism and Asperger's Syndrome - the facts by Simon Baron-Cohen, The Asperger's Couple's Workbook by Maxine Aston & Asperger Syndrome and Long Term Relationships by Ashley Stanford
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on 12 February 2013
Wish I had read this years ago. Would've saved a lot of sleepless nights, if I had known it wasn't all my fault!
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on 8 February 2012
This book is not a scientific one and does not go into any of the science or medical perspectives about AS. Instead it is more of a guide to reassure women who are in relationships with a man who has AS. I found it reassuring and from that perspective it did the job. It helped me gain a little more perspective about certain issues I have in my own relationship with an AS man.

It is short. I think is insightful into how a woman may misinterpret her partner and, unlike other reviewers, I didn't think that it put people with AS in a bad light at all. Most of the information I already knew but perhaps didn't appreciate. I enjoyed the quotes from male Aspies and quite often recognised something my partner has said, almost word for word.

If you want to learn about AS, this is not the book for you. If you want to learn about situations you may encounter if your are in a relationship with an AS male, I think this book is a nice, easy read that lets you know you are not the only one. It will not solve your issues. You will have to take what applies to your relationship and ignore what doesn't, but it may help you see things slightly differently.
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on 4 April 2013
I would recommend this book to anyone who is dating/living/married to a man with A.S. It is exceptional in it's accuracy.. It really is a must read for all women who may suspect or know their man has A.S. I'm only sorry I didn't know that my husband had this condition (neither did he), things might have turned out differently with the knowledge in this book.
Better to read sooner rather than later.
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on 7 April 2014
Perfect for giving to a person with Aspergers as they are often reluctant to plough through a heavy text book on this subject so if they do not have an official diagnosis ..or even if they do..it is to the point and on the mark.
Good for giving to mother in laws, and friends and siblings to read as well to help them understand a family member who has Aspergers, as its an easy read and to the point.
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on 28 July 2013
Excellent views of a wife or partner of an Aspie.
A wife's feelings and emotions are mostly not believed nor listened to, when she is often screaming inside with frustration and desperation.
She is so often considered to be neurotic, and gets no understanding whatsoever.

The man - so often charming and affable to strangers, family or friends on the surface, is always believed and given every consideration with empathy. Really a great guy, so what's the wife's problem ........... ? Rudy Simone has captured it!
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