This is a follow up to the story that we brought to you two days ago, about the Veelagra potion that was slipped into chocolates that were given to patients of the Elder Ward at St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries, and the ruckus this caused for staff and patients. Head Healer, Susan Bones, has advised that the miscreants have been caught. The individuals are identified as one Fred Arthur Weasley 15, son of Mr. and Mrs. George Weasley of Ottery St. Catchpole, and James Sirius Potter, 14, son of Mr. and Mrs. Harry Potter of Godric's Hollow. Mr. George Weasley and Mr. Harry Potter have advised that the boys will be punished appropriately for the ill-conceived prank. It has been reported that the two pranksters will be scrubbing bed pans without magic, for the rest of the year. Mr. George Weasley was heard making this comment to Mr. Potter "You know that really was an ingenious prank, Fred and I could not have done better." Mr. Potter was heard to reply, "Well it sure beats Naked Quidditch."
Reuters 4/5/2004 Crew member of Space station put under restraint for suspected sabotage of global navigation satellite. Astronaut Roland Rookwood was placed in solitary confinement aboard space station until He can be returned to Earth on the next shuttle mission, to answer charges of wilful sabotage. Rookwood is the son of the M.D. of a British Company, Malfroy Casinos, currently involved in prestigeous cross continental cycle race, & was thought to have been primed to attempt to fix the result. The sabotage was brought to light by Russian cosmonaut Igor Levski ,twin brother of one of the competitors in the race who has been aboard the station for over a year. "If it hadn`t been for the diligence of Levski, the fault would have taken much longer to diagnose " said Captain Kirk. " WE should have the problem under control in about 3 hours time"
Daily Prophet 4th May 2004 WIZARD WORLD TO THE RESCUE Ministry officials yesterday broke with their usual taboos & informed Kennedy Space Control Centre that 2 of the crew of the space station were in fact wizards, & one of them , the American trained Roland Rookwood, was the likely purpetrator of the sabotage to one of the global navigation satellites. They took some convincing said Kingsley Shacklebolt, but when they communicated with Captain Kirk on the station he admitted to observing some odd occurences, during his term on board.
Magic Sports Post 5th May 2004 CHANGEOVER I Tension began mounting at the 1st change over point as the E.T.A. came & went, with no arrivals, especially as the ground crews had been informed yesterday of the problems with the satellite navigation system, The realised that this would give great difficulties to the fliers although they hadn`t a clue why! Tension lifted after approximatly 2 hours ( actually 2hours 7 minutes outside optimum time), when Dean Thomas appeared from the direction of Chandrapur City. He looked a bit weatherbeaten & very tired but after checking in passing the bamboo wand to Katie Bell, he revealed how he had overcome the navigational problem . " Simple" he said " I pinched a set of charts & a hand bearing compass off one of the yachts in the Red Sea. Don`t forget I was muggle-born." Spirits rose somewhat with his arrival. 2nd to arrive was Ivan Levski, who had to admit being the Istanbul museum robber, as he had used the navigational prowess of his great grandfather`s magic carpet to reach the changeover point. ( the carpet had apparently been confiscated during the fighting in the Crimea in the 1890`s & had never been returned to the family) 3 hours 43 minutes outside optimum time. His "baton" was handed to Aiden Lynch. George Weasley arrived next, some 20 minutes later( 4 hours 8 minutes late) He looked terribly bedraggled when handing over to Ron. He said, "after finding the navigation system had failed I set off in pursuit of a light aircraft which had actually took me to Bombay. Then I just asked the way in return for a few freebe fireworks" 6 hours 35 minutes after E.T.A. there was considerable giggling burping & general kerfuffle observed approaching from a general easterly direction, & Charlie Weasley Liam Moran & Adrian Pacey all rolled off their Firebolts, ---we don`t need to ask what happened to the case of Jamesons--- And they still don`t know how they found their way to the changeover point. Charlie handed over to a "resigned" Bill Weasley, Liam to a scowling Pansy Parkinson, & Adrian to a giggling(for once) Cho Chang. Start for the second leg is at dawn, in about half an hours time. The navigation system seems to have been reinstated, so one hopes all will be well for the next leg.
ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT ALL OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The continued creativity of the postings on this thread makes my heart light! It makes my dog flat, as I keep falling off my chair laughing! Thank you for your cooperation Mary-Ann in letting me borrow. YOu 'caught' that most excellently! My humble thanks.
Rachel, has your poor dog not learned to run when you are on the computer, mine has.... LOL
This next tabloid is due to the kind assistance of Tesseract. I needed an idea and he gave me "Demonic shoes"
The Daily Prophet October 15th 2005
DEMONIC SHOES CREATE HAVOC!!!!
We have received notice from St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries, of a huge increase of witches and wizards visiting the Spell Damage ward due to some very odd shoes. It appears that the shoes once put on cannot be removed, and cause the wearer to do odd things. Head Healer Penelope Clearwater stated "We have seen individuals come in with such injuries as, kicking themselves in the arse, kicking everyone around them in the arse, hopping up and down like demented bunny rabbits, but the worst are the individuals that are constantly doing a Muggle dance called tap dancing. The clicking noises they make is driving my staff and myself demented." An Inquiry was made into the source of the demonic shoes. After a thorough investigation, the shoes were traced to the illegal cauldron of one Mundungus Fletcher. The M.O.M Department of Magical Law Enforcement, Improper Use of Magic representative, Hermione Granger-Weasley, stated "We are looking for Mr. Fletcher and I for one will be very intersted to hear what he has to say about this situation." We will bring you more as events unfold.
London Daily Telegraph: May 8, 1945 Amidst celebrations following Germany's surrender yesterday, odd goings-on were discovered at the Tower. Floral coronets were somehow placed on all the statues by person(s) unknown. Also, "Hitler was a git" postcards were strewn about the displays. The Beefeaters on duty during the night stated they noticed no one skulking about, however, the flowers and postcards were suddenly "just there, like magic."
Daily Prophet: May 8, 1945
The war-time heroics of Jeffrey Potter, and twins Archibald and Arabella Weasley, will be celebrated Saturday next. Their covert missions into Germany resulted in Adolph Hitler's "death" and Germany's subsequent surrender. The Law Enforcement Squad has incarcerated the Muggle leader on Azkaban for the forseeable future. Hitler is under continuous guard, and is allowed no visitors. Messrs. Potter and Weasley with Miss Weasley acted in complete secrecy from the Muggle Resistance. Details of their courage will only be available after 100 years, when the Secrets Act will make them public. Unfortunately, the three also were issued a caution after Muggle guards in the Tower of London noticed floral coronets on statues, and "Hitler was a git" postcards scattered around the Tower. The Minister of Magic contacted the Muggle P.M. Winston Churchill late yesterday and apologized for the prank. "high spirits, you know, after so much hard work." Mr. Churchill agreed not to push the investigation any further. Any citizens wishing to congratulate the Ministry's wartime heroes may send an owl to the Magical Law Enforcement Department at the Ministry. A banquet will be held on Saturday will all proceeds going to St. Mungo's. Contact the Ministry Department of Transportation for Portkey requests and Floo Network destinations. If able, please be generous.
Hello. My dog is either stupid or devoted!. Excellent posts!
Thanks Lil... I am definitely not a genius, but I think I may have a talent for writing parodies...
Have you read the Naked Quidditch match? It is by Anya. Just type the title and her name into google and you will find the link. I would rate it as PG, no naughty scenes, just innuendo. Now I wish I had this person's genius for parody.
HOGWARTS HEADMASTER IN DRUNK AND DISORDERLY TRIAL.
Hogwarts Headmaster Severus Snape today appeared in front of the Wizangamot charged with drunk and disorderly behaviour and a breach of the peace at the Hogwarts Inaugural Dinner on the night of September 1st.
Mr Snape is alleged to have run amok in the school wearing only select items of ladies' underclothing.
Headmaster Snape's lawyer Mr Culpeo Malfoy claims his client knew nothing about the incident and that the offence was actually committed by a Mr Neville Longbottom, who calls himself the leader of the anti dark force league Dumbledore's Army.
It is alleged that Mr Longbottom had taken Polyjuice Potion to impersonate the accused, against whom he has long held a grudge.
Mr Snape claims to have been in bed at the time of the affray, an albi provided by Professors McGonagall, Sprout and Trelawney, teachers at Hogwarts School.
Our own delightful nanny and witch Mary Poppins has been charged with child abuse by the Muggle authorities. It appears she was seen with her Muggle charges in a tree laughing uncontrollably. She and the children were pulled out of the tree by Muggle authorities and asked what they were doing. The Muggle children then replied 'supercalifragiliticexpialidocious" giggling uncontollably the whole time. When the authorities asked if the children were drunk or high, the children just continued giggling until one replied, "A spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down." The authorities then took Ms. Poppins into custody on suspicion of supplying alcohol or narcotics to minors. We at the Daily Prophet would just like to note that this is a travesty of justice and a prime example of the stupidity of Muggles, although we do have to say that Ms. Poppins could have avoided this situation if she had not taken Magical Pixie Dust with her into the Muggle world. We will bring you more information as developments occur.
Earlier this afternoon, Hogwarts school burnt down to the ground. It was apparently an accident, caused by a filibuster's firework exploding. The firework was set off by Fred Weasley and he will be kept in police custody until further notice. Apparently a lot of water spells were cast on the fire but Fred must have put repelling jinxes on the fire, because these had no effect. All students at Hogwarts will be attending Durmstrang school, until Hogwarts can be repaired, but this seems to be a more difficult job than was expected. Fred was expelled from the school and will be attending a trial next Saturday.
It has been assumed for many years that Peeves, the resident poltergeist at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry simply moved in one day to feed off of all of the hormones created by the close quartering of hundreds of young Witches and Wizards...But NO, reader!! Our roving reporter, Miss Rita Skeeter, has been delving into the history of this troublesome ghoul.
Her findings show conclusively that he is the result of a union of The Grey Lady, the resident ghost of Ravenclaw House, and The Bloody Baron, Slytherin's scary ghoul.
When questioned by Miss Skeeter, The Grey Lady murmered something about the Christmas of 1557, too much Firewhisky, and the Quidditch supplies cupboard. Her cheeks took on a translucent hue and she then disappeared through the wall into the Ravenclaw Common Room. When Miss Skeeter tried to get a statement from The Bloody Baron, he clanked his chains rather menacingly, and said " Whooooooooooooooooooo". As Rita says, 'Well, he didn't deny it, did he?'
It has long been a recognised fact that Peeves would only take orders from The Bloody Baron. Now, readers, we know why!
When asked for a comment, current Headmaster, Severus Snape said ' I would have thought that the Bloody Baron could have picked a Slytherin Ghost to cavort with, but there's no accounting for taste...At least it wasn't a Gryffindor!'
Excellent Posts everyone... I'm so proud...my little Tabloid thread has gotten so many great posts. I am so happy I could cry... ****sniffle**** LOL Seriously though thanks for keeping it on the main page and PLEASE keep them coming. The posts brighten my day