Stop Walking on Eggshells (EasyRead Large Bold Edition): Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder Paperback – Large Print, 17 Sep 2009
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Top Customer Reviews
If you have never lived with someone who has BPD characteristics I can imagine it would be impossible to understand just what it's like. They're brilliant, funny, warm and engaging one moment - and then without warning irrational, blisteringly angry, abusive and manipulative. The rage and abuse can last for several hours, sometimes days, and often through the night until morning. After a while the partner without BPD, or the non-BP as it is termed in this book, begins to question their own sense of perception and what is acceptable and normal. This book provides a lightpost back to reality.
One previous review seems to consider this book as some sort of manual for leaving the relationship and providing convenient labels for justifying this action. I am convinced this reviewer must have read a different book. This book is emphatically not about providing labels but about understanding - understanding that the actions of the person with BP are driven by fear and pain, understanding that in order to be able to provide the framework where a healthy mutually supportive relationship can exist BOTH partners have to be healthy with healthy boundaries. This book is about helping the non-BP have the tools to maintain his or her own personhood and thereby ultimately benefit the relationship.
A BP demands so much of their partner's time, resources and emotional energy. The awful aching emptiness within them, this need for reassurance, this desperate attempt for anything to fill this void and ease the pain and terror.Read more ›
This book explains what BPD is, what the mechanics of the disorder are, and how to live with people with this disorder. There is also a web site, BPD central, and a e-mail support list for partners of people BPD.
I cannot thank Randi enough for writing this book. I cried while reading, because finally someone could put a name to this thing that was running my life, someone could tell me what was going on, and how to deal with it. The advice in the book is invaluable.
Predictable Stages: People who love someone with BPD seem to go through similar stages. The longer the relationship has lasted, the longer each stage seems to take. Although these are listed in the general order in which people go through them, most people move back and forth among different stages.
Confusion Stage. This generally occurs before a diagnosis of BPD is known. Non-BPs struggle to understand why borderlines sometimes behave in ways that seem to make no sense. They look for solutions that seem elusive, blame themselves, or resign themselves to living in chaos. Even after learning about BPD, it can take non-BPs weeks or months to really comprehend on an intellectual level how the BP is personally affected by this complex disorder. It can take even longer to absorb the information on an emotional level.
Outer-Directed Stage. In this stage, non-borderlines turn their attention toward the person with the disorder, urging them to seek professional help, attemping to get them to change, and trying their best not to trigger problematic behavior. People at this stage usually learn all they can about BPD in an effort to understand and empathize with the person they care about. It can take nopn-BPs a long time to acknowledge feelings of anger and grief--especially when the BP is a parent or child. Anger is an extremely common reaction, even though most non-BPs understand on an intellectual level that BPD is not the borderline's fault.Read more ›
Most Recent Customer Reviews
Informative book. Really well laid out with chapters you can jump in and out with. Fast delivery.Published 6 months ago by Ms C Gillham
I FOUND THE BOOK VERY WELL WRITTEN AND SO EASY TO READ. iT HELPED ME UNDERSTAND HOW BADLY I TREATED MY FAMILY. Read morePublished 13 months ago by A Devlin