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I saw the first Star Wars movie at the pictures in 1978, twice; I read the book (not great), collected the magazines and the bubblegum cards, made loads of models, and did passable imitations of both robots. Since then I've seen all the films - at the pictures again, cos a Star Wars movie is always a special occasion - and in a recent internet quiz I scored embarrassingly high marks.
None of this makes me a proper Star Wars fan, because, in spite of all the above, I really rather like this movie.
It's very solid Star Wars product - three acts of hair-raising daring-do on exotic planets, with a straightforward story of the need to stand one's ground and fight one's corner, with goodies and baddies clearly defined, even if the crux of the matter is a touch abstruse. Taxation of trade routes? Just tell me how that works? No, OK, you needn't...
And the bad guys are quite properly repulsive and cowardly, and it's obvious why the viceroy needs a droid army - it's cos if someone punched him on the nose he'd run off crying - that'll also be why he doesn't have a nose. He's quite clearly terribly scared of Darth Sidious - and he's only a hologram. (Those costumes and the voices do make them seem rather Oriental; I do wonder if that is such a good idea, it could be mis-interpreted by people apt to grab the wrong end of a stick) I am prepared to believe that Battle Droids are dangerous to ordinary people and that it's only when hit by Jedi that they fall to bits in a pile of coat hangers and cutlery - mind you, those Droidekas are the business - I'll take two.
Some people bitch about the acting in this. There is nothing wrong with any of the performances, incuding that being given by a ten year old. Obviously Liam Neeson is head and shoulders over the rest, and maybe that is also what he uses on his hair, and makes him look so like John the Baptist - which is basically Qui-Gon's role in this. Brian Blessed is big and shouty, and Ian McDiarmid is as smooth as oiled silk. Queen Amidala travels halfway across the galaxy, and all she does when she gets there is make a speech in the visually splendid Senate, and go home in disgust. If only she'd stayed home, Darth Vader would never have happened.
I think it's very neat that the name Obi Wan Kenobi doesn't get mentioned until about halfway through the film.
In the old days before the Empire, there were more silly-looking creatures in the universe - that's the only explanation I can think of as I put up with some of the daft-looking things in, for example, the pod race, or the daft-looking thing commentating it, and I wonder, open-mouthed at any culture whereby a man could rise to the rank of Lord Chamberlain while being called Sio Bibble, and I wish, how I wish, that Jar Jar Binks was not in this.
It's like Jerry Lewis designed a Hanna Barbera version of Huggy Bear (off Starsky and Hutch) and then nobody ever punched it in the face - and I cannot understand why because, although Jar Jar is clearly supposed to be an adorable dim-witted klutz, he's actually very, very annoying. It's plain to see why the Gungans kicked him out (though they too look a bit HB) so why they ever thought to make him Bombard General is quite beyond me - though you can see why he later did so well in politics - Boris Johnson doesn't look quite as clever as Jar Jar Binks.
And if it is aerodynamically impossible for bumble bees to fly, can somebody please explain to me how Watto can possibly get his fat bottom off the ground? And he also looks a bit daft. I've just had to check Wikipedia to find out the name of the ethnic group he is supposed to be an insulting parody of - apparently it is the Jewish stereotype - just credible, I suppose. I wonder how Mr Lucas can look Mr Speilberg in the face these days.
The other bit I can't swallow is little Anikan making C-3PO in his bedroom; quite apart from it being contrived (and quite badly too) the 'to help Mom' bit is cutesy and schmaltzy and there are laws against that.
Having said all that, I do like this movie - it's visually gorgeous, and the three worlds are beautifully realised, and I like Darth Maul, and I like those huge transports the Battle Droids ride in, and I like the ending with the villainous Palpatine keeping very quiet. I think this is a good movie.
But obviously, I'm not a proper Star Wars fan. (Cos apparently it was 'proper Star Wars fans' that bullied Jake Lloyd so much that he gave up acting for good - that's the kind of jealousy you get for playing Darth Vader as a kid. Contemptible)
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