The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work Paperback – 10 May 2000
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According to most relationship books, the key to a solid marriage is communication, communication, communication. Phooey, says John Gottman, PhD, author of the much-lauded Why Marriages Succeed or Fail. There's much more to a solid, "emotionally intelligent" marriage than sharing every feeling and thought, he points out--though most couples therapists ineffectively (and expensively) harp on these concepts.
Gottman, the director of the Gottman Institute, has found through studying hundreds of couples in his "love lab" that it only takes five minutes for him to predict--with 91 per cent accuracy--which couples will eventually divorce. He shares the four not-so-obvious signs of a troubled relationship that he looks for, using sometimes amusing passages from his sessions with married couples. (One standout is Rory, the paediatrician who didn't know the name of the family dog because he spent so much time at work.)
Gottman debunks many myths about divorce (primary among them that affairs are at the root of most splits). He also reveals surprising facts about couples who stay together. They do engage in screaming matches. And they certainly don't resolve every problem. "Take Allan and Betty", he writes. "When Allan gets annoyed at Betty, he turns on ESPN. When Betty is upset with him, she heads for the mall. Then they regroup and go on as if nothing's happened. Never in forty-five years of marriage have they sat down to have a 'dialogue' about their relationship." While this may sound like a couple in trouble, Gottman found that they pass the love-lab tests and say honestly that "they are both very satisfied with their relationship and they love each other deeply". Through a series of in-depth quizzes, checklists and exercises, similar to the ones he uses in his workshops, Gottman provides the framework for coping with differences and strengthening your marriage. His profiles of troubled couples rescued from the brink of divorce (including that of Rory, the out-of-touch doctor) and those of still-happy couples who reinvigorate their relationships are equally enlightening. --Erica Jorgensen --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
The revolutionary guide to show couples how to create an emotionally intelligent relationship - and keep it on track --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.See all Product Description
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Top Customer Reviews
While this may well be an important insight and may predict the prospects of couples facing divorce, I believe that the issues matter in marriages and thus that this advice only gets a couple in trouble part way there. THere are also exercises, in which couples can check their cognitive styles and try to adjust them.
REcommended with these limits in mind.
I really mean that - its very densely packed with great ideas and it takes a while to absorb the lessons, let alone put them into practice.
But real research-based suggestions on this topic are like gold dust,
Looking at the title and cover of the book, you may think that they leave to be desired. But they actually hide a very precious content for anyone who wants to invest in their relationship, whether you're at the start or after 20 years of marital life, whether you're welcoming a new child or struggling financially.
The book obviously does not have the magical solution, however it gives lots of useful pointers and suggests multiple tools to maintain a healthy love relationship or to improve your everyday marital life.
And even for those not in relationship, I find the book teaches how to tackle difficult situations generally while remaining a good person.
I highly recommend it.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
Some good nuggets in there which I've be able to share with othersPublished 3 months ago by Orv Tee
Incredible book. My boyfriend read it, his sister read it n I'll give my sister too. I love it.Published 3 months ago by imade
If you have tried relate and wondered why it didn't work then this is the book for you. Its spot on. Watch this space to see if it makes a difference in my marriage...... Read morePublished 7 months ago by caroline
Useful practical guide to identifying destructive behavior which we are often unaware of.
Also seller product was excellent used but as new.
Thought provoking, interesting. I am not in a relationship at the moment my reasons for buying was because I wanted more insight into the mysterious world of 'relationships' and... Read morePublished 15 months ago by MISSRAD66
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