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|Print List Price:||£28.99|
Save £3.56 (12%)
Romantic Jealousy: Causes, Symptoms, Cures 1st Edition, Kindle Edition
|Length: 318 pages||Word Wise: Enabled||Enhanced Typesetting: Enabled|
|Page Flip: Enabled|
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I had suffered with jealousy for many, many years before reading this book; - the idea of a partner doing so much as finding other women attractive, or even *looking* at another woman was enough ammunition to send me into internal rages, blood-boiling panics, intrusive, violent mental fantasies, and even thoughts of suicide. And then I read this, and it completely turned my life around. It has actually been a few years now since I read this, and the lateness of my review is on account of a decision I made that I did not want to just push out some fanatical review if it did not actually solidify any actual serious long-term benefit to me, (I know I wouldn't feel sure myself, if I were to read some suddenly, magically enlightened review from someone who had just read a book, and "Woop! Now I feel great! I'm cured!" short-term), but my jealousy has been obliterated. I did not even need to finish it - I actually only got half-way through and then left it for some time until now, as the finishing of this book will just be a continuation of my learning of jealousy and relationships. I almost cried when I re-read the jealousy questionnaire I filled in, (which is incredibly detailed, and done in such a way as to really give you this, "Ahh.. I see where this is going - it is touching upon which individual ingredients of my life and personal experiences have actually *made* me jealousy-prone", which is extremely enlightening, and gives you a certain amount of emotional distance to evaluate your issues rationally and intellectually rather than with just the pure heated emotion we can usually think in).
Explaining how far I had come since I first started reading this book is something I would not want to withhold from any jealousy sufferer. For all of the research and information packed into it, this book welcomes you into a refreshingly readable and compelling personal journey, that has you feeling that you are drawing your own conclusions without Pines even necessarily needing to spell out some magical cure out to you. In that sense, (and whilst I am not preaching that this book is any sort of "instant cure"), the manner in which Pines has constructed this book reminds me a lot of the expertly-crafted way I was treated during my time in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.
This book had me and my partner in hour-upon-hour-long discussions which benefited the quality of our relationship and understanding of one another greatly. He had had bottled-up issues concerning my jealousy, and involving him into my reading of this book also helped him speak out about his own feelings, and help us come to a greater mutual understanding of one another (god, how much you pray for such a thing when one of you is reeling with jealousy and the other is feeling confused and upset!) It helped so, so much and I want to thank Ayala from the bottom of my heart for writing this incredible book.
Most helpful customer reviews on Amazon.com
Yes jealousy is normal, I know that, it's a part of caring for someone. But how do you deal with someone who is very possessive? Who sees intimate relationships with others when there is none? This book doesn't deal with any of that. It's chock full of information about jealousy in general, but this book was of no use to me whatsoever.
What makes jealousy so powerful? How can it be such a destructive force in a relationship, when many times it's not even based on any 'real situation'?
This book is a HUGE help when looking at jealousy. Whether you tend to be a bit too jealous yourself, or whether you're dealing with a partner who tends to be overjealous of you, the book gives real life examples of situations, and practical advice on how to deal with them.
Just about every relationship has run into jealousy problems at one point or another. They CAN be worked through. I highly suggest this book as a great way to help improve your own relationship.
I like how Ayala-Pines was able to succinctly present the various (I think five) theories on the basis of human sexual jealousy. Of particular interest is the section on couples therapy. Her presentation of the so-called 'sociobiological' approach, however, seems to betray a cursory understanding of the evolutionary theory underlying the assertions of 'sociobiologists'.
Indeed, Pines eventually concedes a biological component to the 'universality' and naturalness of human sexual jealousy, but she seems firmly determined to downplay its impossible-to-quantify role in human behavior. She would be served well, no doubt, by reading Buss' book with an open mind.
Actually, Pines and more biologically-oriented theorists like Buss are more in accordance than it appears at first. Both basically conclude that jealousy is a natural, universal, and positive trait-- indeed, the 'shadow of love'. There is no real jealousy where there is no love.
I hate to say it, but it seems that although Pines' objective in this book is to ostensibly seek cures and palliatives for all forms of excessive, irrational jealousy, she only seems genuinely concerned with eradicating only those aspects of jealousy that affect women adversely.
Although she attempts to deal with the subject of infidelity and reconciliation even-handedly between the sexes by citing examples of both, she completely ignores the fact that the very nature of infidelity perpetrated by a woman vs. that by a man are two very different affairs. She decries the unfairness of uneven social treatment for adulteresses vs. adulterers, yet doesn't bother to delve into the subject of uncertain paternity vs. certain maternity, or the relative differences between male and female parental investment. These and other 'sociobiological', evolutionarily significant concepts are CRUCIAL to understanding the concept of jealousy. Without them, any complete analysis of the subject must be inadequate in my opinion.