- Paperback: 272 pages
- Publisher: Waterbrook Press (16 Mar. 2010)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 0307458563
- ISBN-13: 978-0307458568
- Product Dimensions: 13.1 x 1.4 x 20.2 cm
- Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars See all reviews (4 customer reviews)
- Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 473,635 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
Preparing Your Son For Every Man's Battle Paperback – 16 Mar 2010
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About the Author
Stephen Arterburn is coauthor of the best-selling Every Man series.
He is founder and chairman of New Life Clinics, host of the daily New Life Live! national radio program, creator of the Women of Faith Conferences, a nationally known speaker and licensed minister, and the author of more than forty books. He lives in Laguna Beach, California.
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Top Customer Reviews
Most Helpful Customer Reviews on Amazon.com (beta) (May include reviews from Early Reviewer Rewards Program)
First, the good. This is a topic that fathers ABSOLUTELY need to cover with their sons. If they don't, someone will and this book provides some great ideas / thoughts on how to approach the subject.
My disappointment: 1) The topic order in the Dad / Son section is chaotic, swinging wildly from one topic to the next. For example, chapter 1 is about puberty, but then chapter 2 jumps straight into the mechanics of sex. There is a great gulf of information between these two topics that is left for other chapters that follow, if covered at all. It will require some serious planning to get the topics into an order that actually makes sense. 2) In the section for 11-13 year olds, the author covers his high school experiences. For the 13-15 year olds, he covers his college experiences. In my opinion, the intended audience of these sections is too young for the stories he shares. 3) There are topics that are completely absent but are extremely relevant today. Abuse, homosexuality, situational awareness, how to protect yourself (school, public, church), camera phones, sexting, and social networking are just a few of the missing topics.
Today's world is even more complex sexually than when we parents were kids. But this book is silent on many topics, reasons unknown. If you are going to do right by your sons in teaching them, you have got to cover all the topics they face in today's world, not just those we grew up with or those this author experienced. That means Dads (or Moms) are going to have to find other sources of information and uncover topics that may be uncomfortable but have to be explored and shared with our sons.
This book is one source of information on your journey. But, don't consider it the only source and certainly not the singular authority because it is quite lacking on several levels and topics in my opinion.
Well, Dad, that would be the worst decision you can make. This is the time of his life when he needs you more than ever. Many problems that will plague your dear son for a lifetime (including confused sexual identity, lust, pornography addiction, etc.) grow up during this period. After all, he's a good kid, but he doesn't know the ropes. Who knows how many traps are waiting for him out there - the world, the flesh, and the devil are all working against him.
The second reason the book is excellent is that it gives you a relatively painless way to go about doing what you know you should do. Many times I have struggled with starting conversations on these topics with my son, but was not quite sure where to go. I see three extremely valuable suggestions here. First off, relate stories to him. Your son probably knows little about your background. Knowing that you've faced struggles helps him to relate to you better and will probably help him to be more open sharing his own concerns and problems. This includes the dirty laundry too - such as the first time you viewed pornography. And I can't help but thinking of ol' Dad whenever some temptation comes up will help him to resist the temptation - the secret thrill is gone.
The second valuable suggestion the book makes is to create a safe place where he can "approach the throne of grace." I set up something like this in our spare bedroom years ago and it has yielded some benefits already and I expect more. Finally, the book provides suggestions of method to prompts discussion, such as reading this book and others together. These keep you going and provides a way to discuss difficult topics, and also helps answer the question "how much should I tell him and when." Certainly, you have to apply your own wisdom and knowledge of your son, but having an experienced father like Fred Stoeker making suggestions is extremely valuable, especially for those of us who never had a good role model in doing such things.
I should mention something that this book is NOT. It is not a "birds and the bees" kind of book. Although it does have some information in the early chapters, it pretty much assumes that either your son already knows the basic mechanics of sex - hopefully from your teaching over the years rather than through his friends. If you are interested, there are other good books on this subject from a Christian point of view. Where this book really comes in is helping your young man manage the resources God has given him. That is, not the mechanism of sex, but the policy of how to manage it before it starts managing him. And many of us know that sex will manage him unless he has the tools to take charge of it.
I should also note that Steve Arterburn did not write the book, it just shows up under his name. Fred Stoeker wrote it and virtually all the experiences and suggestions in the book appear to be Fred's. Some who may question Arterburn's own morality may be put at ease knowing that it's just Arterburn's name attached - the book is really Fred's. Don't pass up an extremely valuable book because somebody's name appears on the cover.
So Dad, get this book, and get on with doing what you know you should do. I think the age range of 11-13 is probably the time to start it. Don't let the "Sexual Code of Silence" continue!
It can be used by single mothers, but I would imagine it would be a bit more awkward unless the relationship was very strong.
Parents have to face the fact that even by the age of 10, boys have already been pummeled with unhealthy messages about sex that can poison their relationships with women as they move toward manhood. This book does a good job of providing a forum for discussing that in a wholesome and biblical manner.
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