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Parenting from Your Heart: Sharing the Gifts of Compassion, Connection and Choice (Nonviolent Communication Guides) Paperback – 1 Sep 2004
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About the Author
Inbal Kashtan was the parenting project coordinator for the Center for Nonviolent Communication. Her work on parenting has been published in Mothering and other magazines. Inbal founded the NVC Parenting Peer Leadership Program and was the first to create an NVC Family Camp. Inbal also co-founded BayNVC, the BayNVC Leadership Program, and the BayNVC Diversity Project. After living with cancer for several years, Inbal passed away in 2014.
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Top customer reviews
Get 1, "How to talk so kids will listen...", 2, "It's OK not to share" and 3, some books by Alfie Kohn if you want some useful and insightful reading. There are many, many more books worth spending money and time on. Not this one.
Most helpful customer reviews on Amazon.com
I think that the book is worth reading, and the exercises are worth reading through, but I don't think this is the ultimate way to communicate.
In the interest of being practical, solutions can be worked out that honor the childs feelings and desires and respect the kid completely, but don't turn into these drawn out episodes, like the nightmare on the slide.
I wish that this book was peppered with a healthy dose of humor, humility and playful parenting and also more practical and adaptive in the situations in which these conflicts would arise.
Not every situation or every child should be treated the same, but the book does provide some good starting points, many of which I believe are better sold in books like "How to talk so your kids will listen", etc.
The basic premise here is that the focus should be getting your child's needs met, and in any conflict the first objective is to discuss with your child the best way to accomplish this. This is fine for certain kinds of disputes, but the ones exemplified in this book are just insane. If your kid is being a bully at the park and refusing to let the other kids use the slide, you do not engage in a 10 minute dialogue about her need to monopolize the play equipment vs the needs of the other children. You explain that the equipment is there for everyone, and if she is unwilling to play by the rules of the park, you have to leave. If your kid is unwilling to sit down and eat the dinner you made, you don't offer to make a new dinner or allow the child to wander around the house with his food. Can you imagine how this would work with multiple children? I'm not offering to make a new dinner for each of my three kids!
Furthermore, the style of dialogue the author advocates is far beyond the intellectual grasp of 2 and 3 year old kids, who cannot possibly participate in an extended dialogue about why they should give their friend back the toy they have snatched. Since this is the age of the kids in several of the examples, this technique is just silly.
The fact is, in life, you don't always get your needs (and some of the things described here are not "needs" by any stretch) met before everyone elses. Kids who are raised according to this philosophy are going to have a heck of a time adjusting to a world with actual rules and expected codes of behavior.
I consider myself to be a fairly liberal, "crunchy" parent. But if every conflict with your child turns into a gigantic negotiation, your family is not going to be able to function. You might get away with it for a while if you have one child who is not in school, but add additional children and this will just turn into chaos. You are really not doing your children any favors by keeping them from understanding how the world words- sometimes there are rules, and sometimes you just don't get what you want.