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Parenting a Teen Girl: A Crash Course on Conflict, Communication and Connection with Your Teenage Daughter Paperback – 18 Oct 2012

3.5 out of 5 stars 4 customer reviews

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Product details

  • Paperback: 200 pages
  • Publisher: New Harbinger (18 Oct. 2012)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1608822133
  • ISBN-13: 978-1608822133
  • Product Dimensions: 1.3 x 19.7 x 26 cm
  • Average Customer Review: 3.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (4 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 271,476 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Product Description

Review

"The author of this book is witty, wise, and happily, very practical. Using her own experience with her daughter, as well as her training as a psychologist, she guides us through the shoals of parenting and reassures us that while parenting a daughter is not smooth sailing, it is possible with a little help--and this book is quite helpful. For example, almost all parents of teenagers are going to get carved up by their child from time to time, and it's nice to know that the constant criticism is part of the teen's passage rather than one's own terminal defects. Also welcome are the many chapter tips, including the ones that help us understand obsessive behavior with phones and texting. The book is not only extremely sensible, it's terrifically readable. You get to laugh at yourself, and learn valuable information at the same time."
--Pepper Schwartz, PhD, American sociologist and sexologist, professor at the University of Washington in Seattle, WA, and author of "201 Questions to Ask Your Kids"

"In Parenting a Teen Girl, Lucie Hemmen brings expertise, common sense, and a no-drama approach to the challenge of raising girls with respect and love. Her ideas are clear, realistic, and powerful, and her steady guidance will help you bring confidence and skill to your dealings with teen girls or, for that matter, with anyone. Her teachings are so universal and wise that we could all do well to learn from them, no matter the age or gender of the people we interact with."

--Frank Andrews, PhD, professor at the University of California, Santa Cruz and author of "The Art and Practice of Loving"

"Parenting a Teen Girl busts through many myths and helps parents stop catastrophizing and start connecting with their teen girls. Face your fears head-on and learn concrete steps to tackle common problems such as oversharing in social media and moodiness. You can learn to stop complaining about your teen girl and starting connecting to her."
--Lara Honos-Webb, PhD, author of "The Gift of Adult ADD" and "Listening to Depression"

"This is the instruction book we always wished our children came with. Hemmen provides straight talk, practical tips, and an empathetic understanding of the challenges that teen girls and parents face today."

--Lisa M. Schab, LCSW, author of "The Anxiety Workbook for Teens and Beyond the Blues"

"Parenting a Teen Girl will help parents understand their daughters' behavior and experiences and create healthier connections with them. Through real-life examples and reflective exercises, Hemmen encourages parents to increase their self-awareness and teaches them to choose their responses rather than react to the chaos that life with a teen daughter can create."

--Sheri Van Dijk, MSW, RSW, psychotherapist and author of "Don't Let Your Emotions Run Your Life for Teens", "The Bipolar Workbook for Teens", and "Calming the Emotional Storm"

"As an Internet expert, educator of teens and parents, and mother of two girls, I appreciate Hemmen's coverage of the issues most relevant to raising teen girls in today's world. The book hits all the most important targets without lapsing into long, academically dense discourse. Readers won't get that overwhelmed and hopeless feeling regarding the state of today's teenage girls! In fact, the book energizes as it informs. I love that the book offers practical tips parents can plug in immediately--especially regarding how to guide teens in the tech world. Hemmen's compassion, understanding, and humor make the book a quick and valuable read."

--Lori Getz, Internet safety expert and founder of Cyber Education Consultants

"The author of this book is witty, wise, and happily, very practical. Using her own experience with her daughter, as well as her training as a psychologist, she guides us through the shoals of parenting and reassures us that while parenting a daughter is not smooth sailing, it is possible with a little help--and this book is quite helpful. For example, almost all parents of teenagers are going to get carved up by their child from time to time, and it's nice to know that the constant criticism is part of the teen's passage rather than one's own terminal defects. Also welcome are the many chapter tips, including the ones that help us understand obsessive behavior with phones and texting. The book is not only extremely sensible, it's terrifically readable. You get to laugh at yourself, and learn valuable information at the same time."
--Pepper Schwartz, PhD, American sociologist and sexologist, professor at the University of Washington in Seattle, WA, and author of "201 Questions to Ask Your Kids"

"Parenting a Teen Girl will help parents understand their daughters' behavior and experiences and create healthier connections with them. Through real-life examples and reflective exercises, Hemmen encourages parents to increase their self-awareness and teaches them to choose their responses rather than react to the chaos that life with a teen daughter can create."

--Sheri Van Dijk, MSW, RSW, psychotherapist and author of "Don't Let Your Emotions Run Your Life for Teens," "The Bipolar Workbook for Teens," and "Calming the Emotional Storm"

The author of this book is witty, wise, and happily, very practical. Using her own experience with her daughter, as well as her training as a psychologist, she guides us through the shoals of parenting and reassures us that while parenting a daughter is not smooth sailing, it is possible with a little helpand this book is quite helpful. For example, almost all parents of teenagers are going to get carved up by their child from time to time, and it's nice to know that the constant criticism is part of the teen's passage rather than one's own terminal defects. Also welcome are the many chapter tips, including the ones that help us understand obsessive behavior with phones and texting. The book is not only extremely sensible, it's terrifically readable. You get to laugh at yourself, and learn valuable information at the same time.
Pepper Schwartz, PhD, American sociologist and sexologist, professor at the University of Washington in Seattle, WA, and author of "201 Questions to Ask Your Kids""

In Parenting a Teen Girl, Lucie Hemmen brings expertise, common sense, and a no-drama approach to the challenge of raising girls with respect and love. Her ideas are clear, realistic, and powerful, and her steady guidance will help you bring confidence and skill to your dealings with teen girls or, for that matter, with anyone. Her teachings are so universal and wise that we could all do well to learn from them, no matter the age or gender of the people we interact with.

Frank Andrews, PhD, professor at the University of California, Santa Cruz and author of "The Art and Practice of Loving""

Parenting a Teen Girl busts through many myths and helps parents stop catastrophizing and start connecting with their teen girls. Face your fears head-on and learn concrete steps to tackle common problems such as oversharing in social media and moodiness. You can learn to stop complaining about your teen girl and starting connecting to her."
Lara Honos-Webb, PhD, author of "The Gift of Adult ADD" and "Listening to Depression""

This is the instruction book we always wished our children came with. Hemmen provides straight talk, practical tips, and an empathetic understanding of the challenges that teen girls and parents face today.

Lisa M. Schab, LCSW, author of "The Anxiety Workbook for Teens and Beyond the Blues""

Parenting a Teen Girl will help parents understand their daughters behavior and experiences and create healthier connections with them. Through real-life examples and reflective exercises, Hemmen encourages parents to increase their self-awareness and teaches them to choose their responses rather than react to the chaos that life with a teen daughter can create.

Sheri Van Dijk, MSW, RSW, psychotherapist and author of "Don t Let Your Emotions Run Your Life for Teens," "The Bipolar Workbook for Teens," and "Calming the Emotional Storm""

As an Internet expert, educator of teens and parents, and mother of two girls, I appreciate Hemmen's coverage of the issues most relevant to raising teen girls in today's world. The book hits all the most important targets without lapsing into long, academically dense discourse. Readers won't get that overwhelmed and hopeless feeling regarding the state of today's teenage girls! In fact, the book energizes as it informs. I love that the book offers practical tips parents can plug in immediately especially regarding how to guide teens in the tech world. Hemmen's compassion, understanding, and humor make the book a quick and valuable read.

Lori Getz, Internet safety expert and founder of Cyber Education Consultants"

Book Description

A workbook to give parents tools and skills that combine the optimistic approach of Positive Psychology with the proven effectiveness of CBT to help them parent their teen daughter.

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Customer Reviews

3.5 out of 5 stars
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Top Customer Reviews

Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
I bought this along with Dr Leman's 'Have a New Teenager by Friday' as our daughter is entering these difficult times and starting to show some challenging behaviour. While Leman's book was near useless (reviewed separately), this is a clear, well-written book that covers exactly what the title says. It manages to convey psychology well in everyday language without talking down to the reader and provided some real insights into the reasons teenage girls behave as they do. The tips and coping strategies offered by Hemmen are realistic and the couple I've already put into practice are having good results. In all, well recommended.
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Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
Part way through, but so far have found this book very helpful. It was good to learn that my daughter's behavior is pretty NFT (Normal for Teenagers) and the book has good, down to earth and direct advice how to approach this new species that seems to have appeared in my life almost overnight.

On the downside, it is written by an American, so I am "Mom" and I think if I used some of the suggested dialogue in my conversations with my kids without translating some of the vocabulary and phraseology into more natural UK English, my kids (and I) would cringe with embarrassment.

Once translated it gives you useful advice on how to approach difficult subjects and behavior while maintaining a strong and open relationship with your daughter.
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Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Very accurate, informative, helpful and honest!
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Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Useful and easy to read
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews on Amazon.com (beta)

Amazon.com: 4.6 out of 5 stars 78 reviews
50 of 51 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A wise voice 7 Aug. 2012
By Jesse Burgess MFT - Published on Amazon.com
Format: Paperback
Perhaps the most striking thing about Lucie Hemmen's book is the sense the reader gets that here is a person who truly likes teenage girls.

Authors of books on adolescence and parenting tend to be either pedantic about -or worse- hostile towards their subjects. Dr. Hemmen's friendly, reassuring style serves as a balm to the alienation that can arise between parents and daughters at the onset of adolescence. Of note is the fact that her examples are frequently oriented towards fathers - a group often marginalized in discussions of teen girls.

This book pairs the most commonsense of observations with current brain research. Many of her "scripts" for parents involve connecting the dots between healthy choices and positive outcomes. Dr. Hemmen exhibits a certain mastery in piecing out examples of positive direction in arenas like social networking or cell phone use. The discussion of hot button issues is among the best Ive seen. Her reassuring voice is at its apex as she differentiates between teen exploration and red flag behaviors.

As a clinician working with teens and a parent of an adolescent i found the most useful sections of the book to be those focusing on tools and resources. Dr. Hemmen seems to have an endless capacity for presenting dilemmas along with a variety of solutions. Thus we are "parented" as we read the book. Truly a wise voice and a welcome addition to the literature of parenting.
81 of 87 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Parents Are Guides . . . Not Doormats. 1 Nov. 2014
By S. Jensen - Published on Amazon.com
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
This author does make a lot of good points and really does help us to appreciate our girl's point of view. I've learned a lot!

On the other hand, I felt it's teaching us to be a loving, well-disciplined, tongue-biting . . . doormat. The ultimate goal here is to be a safe person to come to - to go from being an authority to being an adviser while our daughters do what they're going to do and trusting that ultimately they're going to ride out the storm and become respectable, responsible people.

Yes - she does talk about saying, "No" and having rules, but to be honest, my stomach was churning when she cited an example of a mom who asked her daughter if she was having sex, and when the answer was "Yes, and I want birth-control pills" - this mom had the "audacity" of looking shocked. The example goes on to tell how the MOTHER had to come back an apologize for not being safe and accepting enough. They resolved things with the mom just standing by and letting her daughter engage in promiscuous behavior (helping get pills and keeping the house "off limits). Great . . .

I'll be honest - I'm still reading, hoping perhaps that I'm going to find something in here that talks about making time to teach values, expecting responsible behavior, and holding our kids accountable to family rules since they are benefiting from parental sacrifices. I also haven't yet found anything about filling our daughter's lives with positive influences/people (church, good books, role models) that can help them start making and benefiting from positive choices sooner than later.

I think sometimes it's just as important to set unpopular boundaries that protect our kids as it is to be "safe." It's a balancing act - and not an easy one.

For example, I have a sister who was homecoming queen who had a boy show up at her bedroom window. My dad was like, "Old Yeller" protecting his daughter. She was mortified, but years later (with an amazing husband and a beautiful family) she's tearfully acknowledged how grateful she was that Dad held the line and was strong for her at perhaps a time of weakness.

Rather than just being a rather passive "adviser" I believe our role is to be more of a guide. Think of a guide in the Grand Canyon saying, "You know, I'd strongly suggest you don't go that way, the bridge is out and there have been rock-slides, but I'll support you and I'm here for you if you choose otherwise."

No - the guide keeps the group together and maps a course through rough terrain. And - yes, the guide might alter course when reasonable requests are made and yes, someone can choose to ignore the guide and go their own way, but the guide's job is to help the group have an amazing adventure safely.

I think it's possible to be a totally safe person to come to without surrendering family rules and values. I think we can send the message, "I love you unconditionally and will sacrifice for your sake to help you find real happiness. I will help you find and support healing, healthy choices. And if you choose destructive behavior, I love you enough NOT to support that."

A string doesn't hold a kite down, it makes it possible for it to fly. Let go of the string and the kite falls to the earth. Holding the line is sometimes (and perhaps often) exactly what our kids need.

I certainly don't have all the answers, but so far, I don't feel like this book does either.
I'll update this comment if I find the author has addressed this later. For now, I'm taking what she says with a pretty good-sized grain of salt.
24 of 25 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars "Did you know that driving you nuts is part of your daughter's healthy development?" 6 Aug. 2012
By Chad Herendeen - Published on Amazon.com
Format: Paperback
Dr. Hemmen provides us with a wonderful combination of humor and heart. I found myself laughing throughout while being given tender insights to the nature and development of the teenage girl. I admit I had a lot of "Aha!" moments.
There's a sense of relief when she provides recognizable examples and says, "It's okay. This is normal. Try it this way and see what happens."
The book is thorough, easy to read, and easy to relate. It provides suggestions and encouragement with everything from conversations starters to taking care of oneself. A favorite chapter of mine addresses technology and social networking. `Taming the Tech Tiger' was a great chapter!
I picked up the book feeling some anxiety. I laid it down with more understanding and a feeling that this will all turn out okay.
21 of 22 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars High praise, even from my teen daughter! 24 Jun. 2013
By Allison C Livingston - Published on Amazon.com
Format: Paperback
This book got the highest praise possible. My daughter who doesn't like much, said, "I love this book. It really gets me." After I read her sections of the book. Especially about needing a "crash zone" after putting it out there and holding it all together throughout the day. So much of this book helped me see the world through her eyes, which helps me be more patient and understanding. Good to realize, as it sometimes feels like she is attacking me, when in reality she is just having a coping flop. The author does seem to "get" teen girls so is able to find the right balance of, Don't let them keep up disrespectful behavior, and yet be compassionate and understanding so you can help them choose other ways to express themselves. I recommend this book for both parents and teens.
14 of 14 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars No longer feeling lost and confused! 7 April 2013
By Michelle Proudfoot - Published on Amazon.com
Format: Paperback
I could echo most of the other reviews. This book was so enlightening! I found my thoughts and feelings in this book, but what was great is that I found answers on what to do and what to say! Like someone else said, this is the child manual we should all have been given! Most of the other books I considered were more "researchy" as this has practical information and leaves out all the reasons why teenagers are the way they are and just tells you what to do. Definitely would recommend this book!
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