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The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life with Friendship at the Center Hardcover – 20 Mar. 2024

by Rhaina Cohen (Author)
4.3 4.3 out of 5 stars 158 ratings
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A powerful narrative on platonic partnerships and how the thrill, intimacy, and commitment we seek is often found through meaningful friendship. Why do we assume romantic relationships are more important than friendships? What do we lose when we expect a spouse to meet all our needs? And what can we learn about commitment, love, and family from people who put deep friendship at the center of their lives? In The Other Significant Others, NPR's Rhaina Cohen invites us into the lives of people―spanning age and religion, gender and sexuality and more―who have defied convention by choosing a friend as a life partner. Their riveting stories unsettle widespread assumptions about relationships and reveal how freeing and challenging it can be to embrace a relationship model that society doesn't recognize. And they show that orienting your world around friends isn't limited to daydreams and episodes of The Golden Girls, but actually possible in real life. Based on years of original reporting and striking social science research, Cohen argues that we undermine romantic relationships by expecting too much of them, while we diminish friendships by expecting too little of them. At a time when many Americans are spending large stretches of their lives single, widowed or divorced, or feeling the effects of the "loneliness epidemic," The Other Significant Others challenges us to ask what we want from our relationships―not just what we’re supposed to want―and transforms how we define a fulfilling life
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  1. Print length
    320 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publisher
    St Martin's Press
  4. Publication date
    20 Mar. 2024
  5. Dimensions
    14.61 x 2.54 x 21.84 cm
  6. ISBN-10
    1250280915
  7. ISBN-13
    978-1250280916
  8. See all details
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Kindle Storyteller Award 2024
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Review

"[An] illuminating debut . . . a smart and heartfelt testament to the power of social bonds outside 'compulsory coupledom.'" --Publishers Weekly

"Thought-provoking . . . engaging . . . an enlightening read. This book serves as a powerful catalyst for readers to question societal norms and broaden their understanding of meaningful connections. Inspiring." --Booklist

About the Author

RHAINA COHEN is an award-winning producer and editor for NPR’s signature narrative podcast, Embedded. Her work, often focused on human behavior, has aired on numerous podcasts and radio shows, including Hidden Brain, Invisibilia, Planet Money and All Things Considered, and her writing has appeared in The Atlantic, The Washington Post, The New Republic and elsewhere. Cohen lives in Washington, D.C. with her husband, friends, and her friends’ children.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ St Martin's Press (20 Mar. 2024)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 320 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1250280915
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1250280916
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 14.61 x 2.54 x 21.84 cm
  • Customer reviews:
    4.3 4.3 out of 5 stars 158 ratings

About the author

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Rhaina Cohen

Rhaina Cohen

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Rhaina Cohen is an award-winning producer and editor for NPR’s documentary podcast, Embedded. Her work, often focused on social connection, has aired on numerous podcasts and radio shows, including Hidden Brain, Invisibilia, and All Things Considered, and her writing has appeared in The Atlantic, The Washington Post and elsewhere. The recipient of a fellowship from the National Endowment for the Humanities, Cohen is a graduate of Northwestern University and Oxford, where she was a Marshall Scholar. She lives in Washington, D.C. with her husband, friends, and her friends’ children.

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4.3 out of 5 stars
158 global ratings

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Top reviews from United Kingdom

  • Little_Livvy
    5.0 out of 5 stars Thought Provoking
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 16 May 2024
    Verified Purchase
    I loved this book, it made me reexamine my thoughts about romantic relationships, friendships and community.

    I've recommended to a friend who loved it too and immediately recognised herself as have and 'other significant other'

    This book was well worth taking the time to read!
    Helpful
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  • LadyG'Diver
    2.0 out of 5 stars A helpful idea but dull book
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 21 May 2024
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    I read this because Trevor Noah recommended it. The proposal that non- sexual relationships can be the most important one is interesting and helpful. However it felt like a lazily written book using pages of trivial interactions between one friendship couple which was just tedious.
    One person found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

  • Marty
    5.0 out of 5 stars Broadening, Affirming, Touching, Thoughtful, and Well-Researched
    Reviewed in the United States on 27 August 2024
    Verified Purchase
    For anyone in a friendship this book is for you. It's thoughtful and tastefully written while challenging some cultural norms about what friendship and marriage have come to look like in the last 2 centuries. For anyone in any emotionally intimate relationship this offers ideas that are both broadening and affirming. The narratives that drive the book are heart-warming and touching, tender and real...so real. This book offers a place to find words for people in our lives whose relationships with us are more than "friends". The message of the book isn't about erasing nuclear family or romantic relationships, but offering that for many people there can be romance AND friendship that fill our emotional and social needs in ways that our families or marriages do not or cannot. It's charming and lovely. It is simultaneously scholarly and relatable. This book will having you asking yourself (and your friends) questions that had never crossed your mind before. Perfect for book clubs and your best friends!
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  • Stefano Trebeschi
    4.0 out of 5 stars Nice, wish for a bit more science
    Reviewed in the Netherlands on 4 November 2024
    Verified Purchase
    It’s nice, I wished for a bit more science and less personal stories. But overall really nice
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  • Douwe van den berg
    5.0 out of 5 stars Great book on platonic partners and friendship
    Reviewed in Germany on 4 July 2024
    Verified Purchase
    A great book on Platonic Partners and friendship. Well written and thought provoking. I love the combination of personal stories that make you feel the power of friendships and the information that comes with it about all aspects of Platonic Partnerships.

    Very inspiring to read how different people shape their lifes, friendships and relationships. It made me reconsider what I value in my own relationships and friendships.

    I have recommended it already to multiple friends.
    Report
  • L. G. Jones
    4.0 out of 5 stars Somewhat repetitive, but enlightening nevertheless.
    Reviewed in the United States on 3 June 2024
    Verified Purchase
    Many of the episodes seemed repetitive and drawn out, but overall the book was enlightening.
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  • Dan Brennan
    5.0 out of 5 stars Outstanding Book on Platonic Friendship!
    Reviewed in the United States on 13 February 2024
    Verified Purchase
    This is not your typical, run-of-the-mill, find-your-tribe friendship book! Those are a dime a dozen when it comes to friendship books. I don’t know how many books on friendship I have read that surrendered intimate platonic possibilities to cultural intimate norms. Books that abdicated meaning, value, and irreplaceable connection to romantic expectations and sexual norms. Trust me, this is not your typical friendship book that relinquishes deep connection to romantic and sexual encounters.
    Rhaina Cohen has done her homework. Yes, she interviews friends who are platonic partners. But she has also done her homework in researching and interacting with important thinkers and voices.
    I am so thrilled that I could recommend this book to my progressive friends and to my conservative friends who value celibacy. It’s clear that Cohen is a progressive who respects queer and polyamorous relationships. But she also respectfully highlights the “other significant others” in conservative celibate connections. She doesn’t present their connection as second-tier or sub-meaningful to other platonic intimacies in the book. Or, second-tier to the dominant romantic couple. It’s no wonder why Marisa Franco, the therapist-author of *Platonic* describes this as “a platonic revelation and revolution.”
    The power of this book is that she provokes you to think about and desire intimacy outside of cultural-social clone possibilities. She provides stories for you to process and consider significant others beyond significant others in compulsory coupledom, romantic coupledom, and polyamorous relationships. She not only gives us platonic partnership stories but she gives us stories that don’t fit into a one-size-fits-all, cookie cutter pattern for readers to mimic.
    One of the striking things about her book is that she shows the readers the beauty and power of friendship-stretching in platonic closeness. “Stretching” is a metaphor that was unpacked with powerful meaning by Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman in their book, *Big Friendship: How We Keep Each Other Close.* She can only do this if she presses into the dominant and popular sexuality dynamics. "In platonic and romantic partnerships alike, “best friend” is a label partners often use to describe each other." She doesn't ever end up watering down what "best friend" means in platonic connection. This book immediately skyrockets into one of my top five books on friendship. I did receive an advanced copy from NetGalley.
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