FREE Delivery in the UK.
Only 1 left in stock (more on the way).
Dispatched from and sold by Amazon. Gift-wrap available.
Quantity:1
Not Under Bondage: Biblic... has been added to your Basket
+ £2.80 UK delivery
Used: Good | Details
Condition: Used: Good
Comment: Unbeatable customer service, and we usually ship the same or next day. Over one million satisfied customers!
Have one to sell?
Flip to back Flip to front
Listen Playing... Paused   You're listening to a sample of the Audible audio edition.
Learn more
See all 3 images

Not Under Bondage: Biblical Divorce for Abuse, Adultery and Desertion Paperback – 3 Mar 2008

5.0 out of 5 stars 4 customer reviews

See all formats and editions Hide other formats and editions
Amazon Price
New from Used from
Paperback
"Please retry"
£13.95
£9.19 £8.93
Note: This item is eligible for click and collect. Details
Pick up your parcel at a time and place that suits you.
  • Choose from over 13,000 locations across the UK
  • Prime members get unlimited deliveries at no additional cost
How to order to an Amazon Pickup Location?
  1. Find your preferred location and add it to your address book
  2. Dispatch to this address when you check out
Learn more
£13.95 FREE Delivery in the UK. Only 1 left in stock (more on the way). Dispatched from and sold by Amazon. Gift-wrap available.
click to open popover

Special Offers and Product Promotions

Enter your mobile number below and we'll send you a link to download the free Kindle App. Then you can start reading Kindle books on your smartphone, tablet, or computer - no Kindle device required.
Getting the download link through email is temporarily not available. Please check back later.

  • Apple
  • Android
  • Windows Phone

To get the free app, enter your mobile phone number.




Product details

  • Paperback: 196 pages
  • Publisher: Maschil Press (3 Mar. 2008)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0980355346
  • ISBN-13: 978-0980355345
  • Product Dimensions: 15.6 x 1.1 x 23.4 cm
  • Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (4 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 573,541 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Product Description

Review

A no nonsense approach to the topic... deserves widespread attention, with positive acceptance and affirmation from academy and pastorate. --John Wilks (London School of Theology), Evangelical Quarterly, April 2009.

Demands to be read by all who advise men and women facing the sorrows and trauma of an unhappy marriage. --David Wheaton, Churchman, Vol 24, no 4, Winter 2010.

Invaluable for those trapped in abuse. A must-read for those expected to give Biblically-grounded advice. --Will Briggs, Anglican Pastor, Tasmania.

From the Back Cover

David Clyde Jones: "Not Under Bondage will help quiet frightened consciences. The chapters on 'abuse' and 'separation' are the best I've seen on abuse and the biblical response to it.
Michael Hill: "Roberts has read widely and wrestled with the text of scripture and I stand in awe of what she has achieved."
David Instone-Brewer: "This book bravely faces up to the consequences of abuse in a practical and theological way, without ignoring the complexities of the Bible teaching on divorce and remarriage."

See all Product Description

Customer Reviews

5.0 out of 5 stars
5 star
4
4 star
0
3 star
0
2 star
0
1 star
0
See all 4 customer reviews
Share your thoughts with other customers

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
This is a great book for those who want to delve deeper into some of the questions that arise in yourself or via others trying to be 'helpful' with their advice about why you shouldn't divorce! It's probably a bit more academic for some, but very worthwhile, honest, open, encouraging & totally non-condemnatory or judgmental...
Comment One person found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you? Yes No Sending feedback...
Thank you for your feedback.
Sorry, we failed to record your vote. Please try again
Report abuse
Format: Paperback
I found the book "Not Under Bondage" immensely helpful. When my wife's friend began to reveal to us the treatment she was receiving from her husband (a serving pastor at the time), it was clear that it was abuse. The first chapter of this book "What is Abuse" was extremely helpful in confirming this, by revealing that abuse isn't just physical but emotional, spiritual, sexual and social, and giving helpful examples of each.

But questions were arising? Could our friend separate herself from her abusive husband? Would she have scriptural grounds for divorce? These and other questions were answered in a very clear and biblical way by Barbara Roberts. Issues such as constructive desertion, church discipline, scriptural grounds for divorce and remarriage are dealt with thoroughly throughout the book.

I heartily recommend "Not Under Bondage" to any Christians (pastoral carers, clergy, victim/survivors) who are currently facing these issues, as well as to those who may well do so in the future. It is a book carefully written and giving a truly biblical perspective on these matters.
Comment 7 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you? Yes No Sending feedback...
Thank you for your feedback.
Sorry, we failed to record your vote. Please try again
Report abuse
Format: Paperback
I have found this book to be extremely helpful in navigating the biblical stance in what is a painful and often poorly managed topic. Roberts provides a readable in-depth exegesis of the different scriptures relating to divorce and I would recommend it to anyone looking to gain understanding in this area.
Comment 3 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you? Yes No Sending feedback...
Thank you for your feedback.
Sorry, we failed to record your vote. Please try again
Report abuse
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Thx!
Comment Was this review helpful to you? Yes No Sending feedback...
Thank you for your feedback.
Sorry, we failed to record your vote. Please try again
Report abuse

Most Helpful Customer Reviews on Amazon.com (beta)

Amazon.com: HASH(0x8f462de0) out of 5 stars 35 reviews
78 of 81 people found the following review helpful
HASH(0x8f4ce840) out of 5 stars waging a spiritual battle against sin in the home through divorce 26 Dec. 2008
By Patsy Rae Dawson - Published on Amazon.com
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
After 35 years of teaching on marriage, training at two women's shelters, and looking back at what happened to many of my students, I highly recommend Not Under Bondage. Barbara's insights and teaching is badly needed by Christians who often neglect God's righteous solution of disciplinary divorce for certain problems that fail to respond to implimenting God's word into the relationship.

If more people exercised God's way of escape by divorcing for impenitent sin in their homes, I believe Christians would exert tremendous peer pressure on wayward spouses as they acknowledge that God does not tolerate ungodly conduct among family members. Sin thrives on secrecy and a mate falsely thinking, "It's my fault," instead of demanding accountability.

As Christians, we often focus so strongly on saving the marriage that we turn a blind eye to the other person's free will in choosing to be abusive rather than loving. Love is a choice as is demonstrated by the commands in the Bible to love others. We don't earn another person's love. And often the justifications for refusing to love are utterly ridiculous and selfish.

Every person who feels trapped by God in a loveless or abusive marriage needs to study this book. It may not have been God, but man's ignorance that ensnared them. The irony is that when God's people believe they are trapped and then work hard "to just survive," they are actually creating an environment that allows the mate's sin to flourish.

Barbara will stretch your mind as she explores word meanings, the context, and the consistency of how words are used in other passages. She skillfully proves that our slogan, "God hates divorce," ignores both the meanings of words and the grammar in Mal. 2:16. After you read this chapter, you may want to correct the way you quote that catchphrase.

The eye opening chapter, "What is abuse?" makes the whole book worth reading whether you agree with anything else.

An abused woman herself, Barbara clearly answers the question I've asked abused women for nearly 20 years, "Why do you stay?" Most victims do not know why they continue to "spend all their energies walking on eggshells and trying to `fix' the relationship."

Basically, they stay because in the "dynamic cycle of abuse" tension builds until an episode of sin occurs, then the abuser offers just enough "buy backs" of affection that the victim is happy and hopeful for her marriage without core problems being addressed. The victim believes the buy backs and her fantasy of happily ever after. No doubt, Barbara's words will wake up many victims to their codependence with sin.

I highly recommend Not Under Bondage to help you examine the scriptures from a fresh perspective and to look anew at one of God's ways for waging a spiritual battle against sin in the home.

I pray God's blessings on Barbara and her efforts as she deals with "Biblical Divorce for Abuse, Adultery & Desertion;" and ultimately, our own better treatment of those who falsely assume they are trapped in marriage to an abuser.
47 of 47 people found the following review helpful
HASH(0x8f4cea8c) out of 5 stars Are you a pastor? You should read this. 5 April 2014
By Gramma0613 - Published on Amazon.com
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I am 60 this year and have been in Pentecostal churches since I was born, and active in many lay roles since I turned 18. Married 30 years, I have NEVER been abused. On the contrary, my wonderful husband has been an example to other women of how a godly man respects and treats his wife with affection and care. However, the lack of scriptural understanding, and thus compassion and help, IN THE CHURCH for victims of marital abuse is appalling. Yes, men are sometimes victimized, but usually it is women. And after they are abused in their marriage they are often passively to actively abused by their churches when they go for help. (Thank God my particular church and pastor are not like that!) One must read the Bible in context, considering who was being written to and what were already the cultural norms of the day. (i.e. STUDY the book, not just give it a cursive reading!) If I wrote about my photos being stored 'in the cloud' and it was read by a person from 78AD they would be looking at the sky convinced I was nuts. The reverse is also true. What kind of actions were men taking against or neglecting to do for their wives in Biblical times? How do Scriptural mandates appear when considered in the light of commonly held practices of the day?

Barbara Roberts clearly explains all of the above points and holds out great hope and freedom to women (and men, to a degree) who have been bound to a spouse (who has already broken faith and vows) not by the marriage vows they spoke but by the church that insists they are in sin if they don't submit to the offending spouse after abandonment and/or abuse.

This writer in no way condones 'get out of jail free' divorces of desire or convenience or the breaking of one's own vows. But she does correct the thinking that churches have used to for years to subjugated women into forced surrender to a spouse that has already, by his actions, ended the marriage and, by his continued actions, shows no willingness to alter his behavior.

LIke I already stated, I have not been abused, but until you walk for years with a woman extricating herself from an abusive spouse or trying to obtain legal help from the abusive spouse that abandoned her and kept abusing her, you have no idea the evil that goes on behind closed doors. Nor do you have any idea how smooth the abuser is when telling the church and state authorities how it's "all her fault". Nor do you have any idea the pain when the church believes and supports him and castigates you for being thrown out, or for being in severe emotional and mental distress from the PTSD that accompanies and follows the years of abuse that's been carefully crafted away from public exposure. Thank you, Barbara, for the prison doors you have opened!
46 of 47 people found the following review helpful
HASH(0x8f4cea50) out of 5 stars Detailed, researched, complete interpretation of God's Word regarding divorce 29 Oct. 2010
By Choose love - Published on Amazon.com
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I am so greatful for this book! After suffering in an emotionally and verbally abusive marriage for 15 years, God gave me the peace to remove myself from it through divorce. As others in my church came to know about the divorce, they advised me to reconsider and continue praying for my husband to be saved and repent. They didn't know all the details and of course being an abused woman, I didn't want them to know the details. Their advice came from a good, loving place but was misguided. I had been praying for his salvation for 15 years but his free will was not allowing it. When I began to study the bible regarding divorce, my options were not clear. Divorce was clearly valid for someone married to an adulterer but there seemed to be no guidance for the abused. That didn't make sense to me, that my creator and saviour would allow reprieve for those situations but would tell those suffering the cruelty and dehumanization of abuse that they are to just stay and keep the faith. I felt trapped for 15 years in this marriage because I thought that leaving was disobeying God so greatly that it was not an option. This book studies the scriptures in their original languages and shows how many translations are incorrect and misleading. This book reinforced the peace that God had already given me to leave this marriage for my sake and my children's sake. Along with deep, prayerful consideration and relying on the Holy Spirit to guide me, this book gave me true, biblical comfort and peace.
I would also recommend Divorce and Remarriage in the Church: Biblical Solutions for Pastoral Realities by David Instone-Brewer. It studies not only the original text scriptures but also the history during the centuries when these teachings took place. This perspective is pivotal to understanding why Jesus and Paul chose the words they said, and did not say, to the crowds they were teaching. These books helped me to know it was God's voice I was hearing and not my own or the world's.
48 of 50 people found the following review helpful
HASH(0x8f4ced44) out of 5 stars Biblically sound 16 Oct. 2009
By Mary Magdelene - Published on Amazon.com
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
This book did wonders for helping me have peace about filing for divorce from my emotionally abusive husband. Since abusers tend to not want to leave relationships in which they have established control over another individual, most abused women will probably have to take the step for legal separation themselves, since their spouses generally will never take that step. Common belief that the ONLY divinely accepted reason to end a marriage is adultery is, in my opinion, an improper interpretation of the Word of God. The author studies meanings of original Hebrew text and proves her point, that God would not have a woman live forever in bondage to a man who is truly an abuser at heart.
36 of 37 people found the following review helpful
HASH(0x8f4ceda4) out of 5 stars Know the truth and the truth will set you free 29 May 2013
By finallyfree - Published on Amazon.com
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I was the very unsuspecting victim of relationship fraud. We met online (my first mistake). I believed every one of his lies, including that he was a devout, church-going Christian; a nondrinker, non-drug user, of high moral character, etc. He read me like a book and then perpetrated an amazing fraud by pretending to be everything I was seeking in a life's partner. We dated for a year while he managed to hide his true self, his past, even his lifestyle from me for reasons which I was completely ill prepared to understand at the time. Nothing in my life had prepared me for the fact that a man would lie about his past, his lifestyle, even his belief system and values in order to entrap a woman to marry him. Weeks before the wedding I learned through a few slips of the tongue on his part, and by other means, that he was not being honest about himself. I had a sick feeling in my stomach but I ignored or rationalized the red flags I saw (second mistake) and married him anyway. *Ladies, please trust your gut feelings and never ignore red flags in a relationship. Those gut feelings, intuitions, and red flags could be the Holy Spirit attempting to warn you and spare you the hell of being in bondage to a sheep in wolf's clothing. And yes, this does happen to men as well, so do be careful and wise. I believe intuition is God-given and should be heeded. I wish I had heeded mine.

After the wedding more of his true self and more of his lies became evident. I was sick with grief. The man I thought I married did not exist. But the worst was yet to come. He initially used what I call "Christian guilt" to shame me into staying with him. What kind of Christian would I be if I left him? Why couldn't I forgive his lies and love him anyway, like Jesus loves us and forgives us? And worse, every pastor I spoke to told me the same thing; I'd be sinning if I left him and I had no choice but to "stay and pray." So I stayed despite his continual lies, his use of porn and alcohol, both of which he hid (or tried to hide from me before and after the wedding), his mental abuse, and his financial abuse. He bankrupted us within 6 years by having credit cards with paperless statements so I never knew he was burying us in debt. But the real hell for me began when I became pregnant with our first child. Once I was pregnant our unborn child became his leverage to keep me in bondage to him. He no longer needed to use only "Christian guilt" to shame me into staying. He had a better plan now. I was only weeks pregnant when he warned that he would sue for custody if I dared to leave him, and throughout the marriage he used all kinds of intimidation, crazy-making, manipulation, coercion, deceit, and threats to keep me in bondage to him. He was a doctor and threatened to have me committed for various mental illnesses, or to use my so-called mental health status against me if I tried to get custody. He warned me that no judge would ever believe me over him because of his status, education, and position in the community. He treated me with pathological insensitivity and a callous disregard for my most basic needs, but then demanded that I be a Christian wife to him (if you know what I mean). I won't even go into the graphic details, but let me tell you that most people would treat a roommate, a street person, or a stray animal better than this man treated me.

At the twelve year point I'd had enough. I knew I'd die if I didn't get out of this hellish existence. My health was deteriorating from the constant stress and I was living in complete isolation which I forgot to mention previously. Like most abusers he kept me and the kids completely isolated. I knew I couldn't live like this for the rest of my life and I knew it was destroying my children and I had to get out, but I had no support whatsoever. He had driven all of my friends away. I had no family nearby and no pastor or church which would support my decision to leave. I was warned over and over again by well meaning (but I now believe sorely mistaken) pastors and elders that he had not committed adultery, and that he was a non-believer who wished to remain with me, so therefore I was bound to him for life. Like every other Christian woman (or man) bound to an abusive spouse, I felt stuck between a rock and hard place. I could stay and continue to suffer abuse for the rest of my life (which by the way also subjected my children to harm as well), or I could leave and live in sin. What an IMPOSSIBLE decision. Barbara Roberts so compassionately acknowledges and sympathizes with this conundrum (leave the abuse and live in sin, or stay and continue to suffer abuse) that torments Christian victims of marital abuse.

I was so blessed when I found Barbara Robert's book and I finally understood scripturally what I had intuitively believed for quite some time but was afraid to act upon; I was not bound to this man because the marriage was a fraud from the beginning, he had broken the marital vows (not me), and I was being abused. In my heart and soul I suspected that the Bible does allow for abuse (and remarriage) in the case of marital abuse, but I didn't understand the scriptures which support this belief and I could not find a pastor, elder, or Christian counselor who understood it either. Barbara's Robert's book so carefully explains the scriptures which hang us up and keep us in bondage to abusive spouses, but I am going to be 100% honest about what convinced me to leave my abusive spouse. I threw myself at God's mercy and told Him that I would in no uncertain terms do exactly what He lead me to do if He would just show me clearly whether I should leave or stay. I believe that God speaks to all us individually in a way that we hear and understand Him, (but what He shows us will ALWAYS agree with Scripture). Once I was humbled and surrendered to His will, He clearly told me in a way that I could not deny it was Him, that I must leave. Then He provided Barbara's Robert's book to reinforce what He had shown me and to give me encouragement and further peace. You must seek the Lord in your individual circumstances and be surrendered to His will, and then seek Him diligently. He will lead and guide you if you seek Him. And He will provide the support you need to get out of an abusive marriage if you ask and trust Him.

Back to Barbara's Robert's book; one of the most freeing things I learned from this amazing book is the correct interpretation of "... the nonbeliever who wishes to remain with you." Pastors and Christian friends often tell us to stay and pray when we are bound to abusive non-Christian spouses who do not want a divorce, but Barbara Roberts explains that this verse refers to a man or woman who is not a believer but who wants to stay married for the right reasons; love and commitment. I know families which fall into this category. One spouse is a Christian, but the other is not. The non-Christian is committed to the marriage in word and deed. He or she treats the spouse with love, decency and respect. This is what Scripture is referring to when we are admonished to not leave a non-believer who wishes to remain with us. We are not to divorce a non-believer simply because he or she is a non-believer. My ex was a non-believer and he wanted to stay married, but not for the right reasons. Like most abusers, he wanted to stay married in order to have his own needs met and in order to continue his abuse. Thank God I finally came to understand that I am not bound to my abusive ex simply because he was a non-believer and he didn't want a divorce. Most abusers don't want a divorce. They want to stay married and continue to abuse. Mine certainly was no exception. Had I continued to believe I was bound to him, we'd still be married and he'd still be abusing me.

Barbara's Robert's book also explains a verse that Christians often use to shame and admonish those who are divorced or who are contemplating divorce. We've all heard how the Lord "Hates divorce." Ugh.. That verse used to torment me until I read Barbara's explanation which I think is clearer than David Instone-Brewer's explanation in his book (Divorce and Remarriage in the Bible, The Social and Literary Context). His book is excellent, Barbara references it in her work, and I highly recommend it, but Barbara's explanation of this verse is clearer in my opinion. God does not hate all divorce, and this verse is actually referring to the man who divorces as being the one who hates.... He who hates and divorces, or he who hates and causes divorce. Divorce is biblically allowed for abuse and neglect and the divorcee who leaves an abusive marriage is in no way hated by God.

Roberts, and Instone-Brewer, also explain and show scripturally that divorce is not only allowed biblically for physical abuse, but for emotional abuse and neglect, and for abandonment; and that abandonment does not have to be physical. A person can abandon his or her marriage and spouse while still living (and demanding to live) in the marital house and sleeping (or demanding to sleep) in the marital bed. And this is often what abusers do. They refuse to leave, threaten to harm you if you leave, but continue to abuse you if you stay. If you are feeling trapped by your understanding of scripture, or by Christian guilt, in an abusive marriage, please pray earnestly for the Lord to show you the truth about your situation, and please consider reading Not Under Bondage: Biblical Divorce for Abuse, Adultery, and Desertion. Also, pastors and Christian counselors, please read this book and pray to see it as the Lord sees it for the sake of the many hurting people who come to you for prayer and advice about abuse in their marriages.
Were these reviews helpful? Let us know


Feedback