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Music To Scare Girls By - Albums To Avoid On A First Date

"djfolkfinger"
 
Tales from Topographic Oceans
Tales from Topographic Oceans
"An album so overblown that Rick Wakeman felt compelled to order a curry onstage whilst playing it live. Girls don't like it - I reckon they just don't understand its complex musings on the universe."
Trout Mask Replica
Trout Mask Replica
"The good captain's freejazzblueswierdy masterwork is a work of genius, but rather unsuitable for seducing the ladies."
Gris-Gris
Gris-Gris
"Your intended squeeze will be out the door faster than you can blink if you put this on. I have NEVER met a woman who likes this album."
SHOOT OUT THE LIGHTS
SHOOT OUT THE LIGHTS
"The break up of a marriage on record. You figure it out why it's on this list."
Talk Is Cheap
Talk Is Cheap
"I have learnt over the years that Keef's voice is an acquired taste. For some reason, most women don't have the patience or the will."
Byker Hill
Byker Hill
"Ancient songs about lasses being deflowered in hedgerows. I think that's sexy, others do not."
Brain Salad Surgery (Miniature)
Brain Salad Surgery (Miniature)
"Keith Emerson's fleet-fingered prog concertos have a place in my heart. Unfortunately they make women lose the colour in their cheeks and say goodbye."
Free Jazz (A Collective Improvisation)
Free Jazz (A Collective Improvisation)
"There I was, trying to explain the complexities of free jazz improvisation, when I realised I was talking to myself. In an empty room."
Back In Black
Back In Black
"I thought songs like Give The Dog A Bone and Let Me Put My Love Into You might create the requisite mood. I was mistaken."
Rock Bottom
Rock Bottom
"Surreal, poetic soundscapes evoking the sea and nature... how could it fail to warm her cockles? Oh, but it did."