Millions of Women are Waiting to Meet You: A Story of Life, Love and Internet Dating Paperback – 1 May 2006
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Tells you everything always wanted to know about men - and were quite right to be afraid to ask. -- India Knight
From the Author
A Q&A with Sean Thomas
1) What made you turn to online dating?
The main reason I tried online dating, is because my editor at men's health magazine, where I was a freelancer, asked me to try it! I'm not sure I would have, if not for that. Because when this happened - three years ago, there was definitely a 'stigma' attached to the process - it was something only desperate people would try. And by definition few people want to admit they are desperate. These days the stigma is fast disappearing, if it still exists at all. Millions of people are doing it. One reason the stigma has nearly gone is that young people - teenagers, even - see nothing weird about making friends and meeting partners on the net. They've grown up with it - it's natural.
2) You classed yourself as "a tiny bit desperate." Had you had problems with relationships in the past?
Ok, so I was a tiny bit desperate, but only as much as anyone single and over thirty is really really keen to get hitched. I'm not sure I've had severe problems with actual relationships before - I've just had severe problems committing within those relationships. In this I am probably like many men - and women too. The book is partly about that - problems with committing, and how you surmount them.
3) You're incredibly honest in recounting your story - some might say too honest. Were you not worried about what people who know you might think?
No. Though when you read the book that may seem surprising! I've always written about myself - I'm used to it now. I'm slightly worried what the cleaning lady might think.
4) Where you in any way surprised by how the internet dating experiment overtook your life.
As I say I didn't think much of the concept beforehand. But when I tried it I found that I liked it - not just for the way you can meet millions of people - but the way you can meet people you wouldn't normally encounter. People from all backgrounds, races, classes, professions. In a normal social life you tend to mix in certain circles, go to certain places, bars, clubs, whatever. There you meet people who go to those kinds of places. On the net you meet... Everyone.
5) Did you learn much about yourself in the writing of the book and the experience of online dating?
I learned that I had to be honest with myself - and any partner. After all a long term partner has to love me for who I really am - not some persona I might like to present, online - or in a singles bar for that matter. Writing the book also taught me about my wants and needs, and about what women might like and dislike in me. And it showed me, maybe, where I had made mistakes in the past. Paradoxically, it also taught me not to regret too much. And that there's always hope. A great lesson to learn.
6) Ultimately do you think the internet has changed the way people relate to one another? In a good or bad way?
I think the internet is an enormous revolution in the way human beings interact - at least as important as the telephone, and possibly as important as writing. You just have to look at the experiences of my transsexual friend Joe, in the book - he's now able to meet partners who want someone like him, through the net. Before the net, that would have been impossible. But it's not just unusual people who benefit from the net, it opens up the world, it opens up the chance of love, to people who are shy, or very choosy, or in a hurry, or stuck in a tiny village, or isolated in some other way. In other words, the net is the best route to love and happiness for most of us - at some point in our lives.See all Product description
Top customer reviews
So I bought it a) curious to find out whether I was normal and b) to show my girlfriend and prove I was!
So, did it work? Well... It is a brilliant read. It's a really entertaining look at Sean Thomas's lovelife and he seems able to talk about just about everything that's happened in his sexual/emotional past (lots of which is a little to shocking to be discussed on a forum like this.!!!) with incredible honesty. It's really fascinating as women are always talking about their relationships - look at women's glossy magazines - whereas men just don't go into the nitty gritty, other than in terms of listing sexual conquests. And this is far from that. It also has a great human-interest story in that Sean ends up finally finding hapiness in the most unlikley circumstances. That said, there are some things that Sean's done along the way that I certainly haven't and I wouldn't want my girlfriend thinking I was quite as racy as him so... wil I be lending it to her? No way! She'd never speak to me again!
Brutally honest, laugh out loud funny in plenty of places, well written, and with some insights into the male way of thinking, that you will not find easily elsewhere, at least not written with such clarity.
He may have unwittingly become a spokesman for Generation Y, or should we just call it the porn generation? I sincerely hope some more of us read it, I can't help but think that those who found the insights shocking, or disturbing are simply of a similar age to Mr Thomas and not quite au fait with the times and what is going on out there. I can certainly relate very personally to the porn addiction, and how damaging it can be to relationships, your health and your way of thinking, it isn't simply my prediction that this is going to cause big problems for us in the future, with those of a certain age. I guess his experiences must have been in the slightly earlier days of internet porn, and it is marching forward with the times at an alarming rate.
He also touches on in some detail, those horrible aspects of being a male with, at times, a one track mind, and how inconvenient that can be. To fly, most aggressively, in the face of all rational thinking, and you are at times almost powerless to stop it. I said almost. It is refreshing to read about these things, that so often have no outlet, and go completely unsaid. I mean, who can you ever talk about this stuff with, without turning peoples stomachs? Our modern world just isn't built to cope with the way the male mind operates sometimes.
Questions that the more reflective and intelligent of us at times, must despise having to think. But we do all the same, and fret deeply about it. Have I had enough women? etc. I'm not sure he gives you an answer, but certainly, and eventually seems to find his own peace with it. Poignant and touching in places, and somehow re-assuring.
Without massive bravado, although he certainly comes across as un-likable in places, he is able to analyse and admit his own faults and recognise the unsavoury side to it all (the sex tourism, et al). He admits also, that he grew a conscience a little later than may have been ideal (certainly later than me, whether that is a good or bad thing, I haven't decided yet, he certainly had some fun) but admits that he simply cannot blame it on a difficult upbringing, as so many will, and then subsequently be supported by a psychiatrist, in our "it's not your fault" society. No, it is, most definately your own fault, and he worked it out for himself. A nice touch.
So many fantastic insights, if you are at all concerned with this type of thing. As I said, it may appeal more to the younger male who actually wants to think about this stuff, and possibly find some answers, before screwing someone or something up. It will take more than one run through the book to properly absorb it all, for me anyway, it's a keeper.
Another offer of a pint Sean. Good work.
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