Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus Hardcover – 15 Jul 1992
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"Gray offers a Berlitz of the heart, a translation of that foreign language your spouse is speaking. And hearing."--USA Today
A practical guide for improving communication within relationships, helping both sexes get what they want from love and friendship. The author encourages readers to accept the other gender's particular way of expressing love and helps men and women accept each other's emotional needs.See all Product description
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I noticed how politically out of date it is as it suggests a lot that women are more likely to do the cooking, cleaning, shopping and child rearing than the man is, and he can score points with her by taking her out to dinner. In my house, everything is 50/50 and we don't score points against each other, whatever the author says.
The book doesn't really touch at all on the basis for most couples arguments; money and financial infidelity. The outdated PC issues aside, I felt that there was a lot of nonsense in the second half of the book that I found it hard to relate to. The author boasts how he can 'heal' 20-year marriages in a weekend. I don't agree. Deep rooted psychological or communicative issues that have dogged long-term couples since the outset are unlikely to be healed in 48 hours. I felt the book was a little patronising to this extent.
In the beginning I felt there were some interesting concepts that I cold see certainly related to other couples I know, but then I lost interest around the time he started to introduce writing love letters. I don't see how this is helpful as it is pandering to the lack of communication couples have. Just talk to each other for crying out loud, don't make silly little games out of it just open your mouth and pour out what's inside. Basically, don't hold onto it and let it eat you alive.
I think the book could be revised to be more befitting to the modern societal values. I would not recommend this book at all. A lot of condescending waffle.
This is a relationship book for adult men and women… yet it is written for children, smart last year primary school children who have a limitless attention span. The idea that men and women are from different planets and forgot they’re not the same, isn’t just on the cover, it’s not even just in the intro (which is a good place for it), it’s in the entire book. Every page is so condescendingly simplistic, I felt like I was watching one of Laci Greens old YouTube videos on sex ed.
And much like Laci Greens old content, most of it isn’t necessarily bad advice, the problem is that it genuinely doesn’t know exactly what it is talking about, yet it’s stating opinions as if it’s proven fact.
Now there are differences between the sexes, in fact there’s far more difference than similarities, but there are some similarities. This book goes on as if there are none, it just makes blanket black and white generalizations about the sexes, that doesn’t take into account the grey. As such, the generalisations are wrong.
For example, he talks about how when women complain about issues, they don’t want to have solutions, they just want to empathized with, while men don’t want to be empathized with when complaining about problems, because men only complain about something if they want advice. Now to some extent this is true, it might even be more true than false, but it is at least partly false. As a man myself, there has been some times in my life where I haven’t been at my strongest, and just needed to vent and have someone validate it, and in my life at least 3 different women have responded to me like this unempathetically with advice. But as far as this book is concerned, that cross over never happens.
Honestly, this reads as a man who has generalized himself as a representative of all men, and his wife as a representative of all women, not accounting any of those differences to personality type or upbringing, and accounting all of them to innate gender. And he’s done so with short, overly simplistic, black and white metaphors, stretched to ridiculous excess.
Seriously, all books have filler, that’s par for the course. If a book doesn’t have filler it’s either a pamphlet, or a really good book. I have never seen so much filler in my life. The second chapter can literally be done in one sentence that it does in 15 pages, and still has the exact same amount of information provided: “Emotional people don’t want advise, they want empathy, for people only want advise when they ask for it”. How does someone stretch a sentence like that into 15 pages and not add any more value to it what so ever?
Honestly, this just makes me think there needs to be a case study to find out why things like this or Laci Greens old content become so popular in the first place.