Mega Shark Vs Crocosaurus [DVD]
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The massive prehistoric shark survived its last battle and the world is again threatened when a new, more dangerous foe is discovered in the jungles of Africa.
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The special effects are rubbish with no sense of realism about them, the acting wooden and the plot must have been written by that room of monkeys that are trying to type Shakespeare.
The most offensive element is the poor grasp of geography. At one point the crock lands in Miami and 5 minutes later is 400 miles away in Orlando. The mega-creatures then manage to pop over to California seemingly without using the Panama canal at ghat stage.
At around 2 hours long, a sheer waste of life.
Meanwhile The shark attacks a few vessels and a sonar expert is call in to assist Admiral Calvin (Robert Picardo) in tracking the shark down, the navy scenes all take place on a minimalist set that Voyage To The Bottom of The Sea would have been ashamed of.
From very early on it's quite clear that the creatures are as big as the scenes they are in need them to be at that time. The shark merrily leaps out of the water at will, eats subs whole and treats croc eggs like caviare. The croc is so big it takes a cargo ship to transport it but can also go on the back of an articulated truck and is held down by the world's strongest twine and tarpaulin combination.
When the croc gets free there's gallons of testosterone spilled as our heroes try to combat the twin menaces, three if you count the shoddy CGI effects. As the shark works it way through the US Navy the croc enjoys a pretty good feed at Miami's Seaworld.
The scenes when the shark fin scythes through the water would take a child of 5 a few minutes to master, the underwater fight sequences are a little better but you'll end up chewing your knuckles to hold the laughter back before you feel any fear.
It's choc full of cliches, the acting is dire, the editing awful, the same scenes keep appearing ad nauseum. The scene with the shark and the nuclear torpedo is a gem. The aerobatic shark holds a torpedo in its mouth as it executes a 3.2 degree difficulty dive with pike and reverse tuck, then later on it holds the whole submarine with very little difference in scale; the continuity staff must have nodded off by this stage of the movie's production.
The scenes where the monsters battle it out in Panama are priceless with a military woefully short of amart weapons despite having two of the largest targets they could ever hope to find.
It's a scream and for your own sanity should only be seen in that light. Watch it just for a laugh and don't let any one star reviews put you off, personally I can't wait for the next mega-shark movie that those nice folks at The Asylum let loose on an unsuspecting world.
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