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Mars And Venus Starting Over: A Practical Guide for Finding Love Again After a painful Breakup, Divorce, or the Loss of a Loved One. by [Gray, John]
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Mars And Venus Starting Over: A Practical Guide for Finding Love Again After a painful Breakup, Divorce, or the Loss of a Loved One. Kindle Edition

4.5 out of 5 stars 27 customer reviews

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Length: 372 pages Word Wise: Enabled Enhanced Typesetting: Enabled
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Product Description

Amazon Review

A breakup, divorce, or loss of a loved one isn't just the end of your relationship with that person. It's a continuation of every feeling of abandonment you've ever suffered. It's the loss of a system of approval you'd come to depend on. The struggle, as Gray points out in Starting Over, isn't just to find a new partner, but to get over those feelings of abandonment or loss or anger or whatever else gets dredged up by the end of a relationship.

Perhaps the book's most crucial chapter posits that the best way to get over the loss of love is to focus on the "love" more than the "loss." That may seem impossible, especially if the bum took off with your best friend, your life savings, and your Lyle Lovett CDs, but Gray didn't get to be a household name because the advice in his Venus and Mars books doesn't work. Remembering only the bad parts, Gray says, leaves you with an important part of your emotional being closed to new business.

As for the Venus and Mars stuff, that comes in the second half of the book, when Gray looks at how men and women start new relationships from different points of view, with different priorities (a man might want to have fun with no strings attached; a woman might carry with her a lengthy list of requirements for her next partner, a list that excludes virtually all available men).

If you've never read Gray's work before, you have to be prepared to check your cynicism at the door. This is earnest stuff, but it's also based on decades of experience counseling clients. He's not one of those photogenic, nine-times-divorced shrinklets who's telling you how to conduct your relationships without any real clue of what makes love last. This is the real package: nothing glib, nothing quick and easy, nothing you could've figured out from a "Love Is..." cartoon.

Book Description

A guide to finding love again, showing newly single people how to move on and past the pain of being alone and start dating.

Product details

  • Format: Kindle Edition
  • File Size: 654 KB
  • Print Length: 372 pages
  • Page Numbers Source ISBN: 0060930276
  • Publisher: Ebury Digital (29 Feb. 2012)
  • Sold by: Amazon Media EU S.à r.l.
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B00702LOY2
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Word Wise: Enabled
  • Enhanced Typesetting: Enabled
  • Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars 27 customer reviews
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #43,725 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

By A Customer on 13 April 2005
Format: Paperback
If you have suffered the end of a relationship by a break-up or bereavement and are finding it difficult to heal and move on with your life, this book is essential reading. Grieving the loss of love, letting go of hurt, saying goodbye with love, getting unstuck, man on the rebound, a woman's fear of intimacy and learning to be happy alone are just some of the chapters in this book and there is also an exercise to help you feel better and loads of information about the different challenges faced by men and women when they are starting over and looking for love again. John Gray writes in such an understanding way you feel as though he knows exactly how you are feeling. When you are ready, I would recommend Mars and Venus on a Date as it gives invaluable advice on dating and how to build a solid base for a healthy relationship by taking things slowly.
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By A Customer on 4 Aug. 1998
Format: Hardcover
The Mars/Venus guru reveals that it is normal for a male to express/show emotions or even "keep them inside." Although never married, break ups of long term romances leave me hurting. Like the books indicates, most friends act sympathic for a couple of weeks then want you to get on with your life. In fact, when my long term girl friend broke up with me, then we reconciled with an engagement committment, I made the mistake of telling her I placed a personal (it couldn't be cancelled). I told her I did not go out with anyone; half the time I didn't answer the phone. I was still in love with her. But I was lonely. My fiance was upset; she thought it said I really didn't love her. But, like Gray said, it was a knee jerk reaction to deflect some of the pain and try to survive. Since I have traditional morals, no intimacy was involved. I also empathized with Gray's going to where his dad was killed and acknowledging that his brother killed himself because he was too! "sensitive" for this world. I wish women would understand that men hurt too. Actually, when they do understand that the male isn't a jerk and hurts, she can't deal with it most of the time.... that makes her feel guilty. So how can either gender keep hurting each other? Gray always gives the ingredients to establishing and maintaining good relationships, but the culture of the 90s have so many fearful of another hurt. "Starting Over" is so strong, I could only read it in one or two chapter stages. After reading them, I would have dreams and old memories were awakened. I still haven't worked through the baggage from being dumped as too "nice." But at least I've placed a few new personal ads.
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Format: Hardcover
Best thing about this book is the way that it makes you feel like you are not alone in your feelings. It explains why you feel the emotions that you do after losing someone that you really care about.
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Format: Hardcover
The book is wonderfully helpful in reaffirming the absolute normality of anger, depression, fear, and sorrow of a painful divorce, breakup, or loss. It's nice to know that it's OK to feel everything and nothing all at once. From the moment I began to read the pages I felt better. Now I that Dr. Gray has helped me discover the problems, I can tackle them and overcome them and learn how to love and be loved better.
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Format: Paperback
John Gray's approach to this subject is quite stunning. He is very sincere and discloses alot about his own personal life and ,therefore,not only writes as a professional,but also as someone who has experienced loss.
Read it and be comforted. Move on with an open heart!
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Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
After a recent separation it has been so good in helping me understand my own feelings and emotions. It is also helping me heal from a previous marriage that I never really resolved with myself and some unresolved issues from my childhood.
would definitely recommend if you are starting over.
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Format: Hardcover
This book helped me understand what males go through during a breakup and that understanding and insight helped me understand my pain. It is easy to understand and everything I was going through I read in each paragraph. Dr. Gray's years of counseling are apparent and the book assisted me in finding some semblance of organization when I felt I was in the middle of a hurricane. Thank you for helping me stay out of the cess pool of self-pity!
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Format: Paperback
I have not read his other books but this came in very useful at a difficult time in my life. I think it is the simplicity of the style and the way in which he confronts problems which one is trying to push away which makes it so effective
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