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Living with Grief (Overcoming common problems) Paperback – 1 Jan 1984
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Top customer reviews
I couldn't recommend it enough to anyone going through a very painful time through grief. I believe it was a turning point for me.
My reason for needing a book about grief is that she has now died under difficult circumstances & I thought that Dr Lake would have knowledge & thoughts which I might not have known. He explains the reasons for the feelings after bereavement & one can accept them more easily.
Most helpful customer reviews on Amazon.com
This is insensitive and ill-informed. Every grief book I have read (many, many), acknowledges that the loss of one's child is the most devestating grief of all.
After reading this remark, I saw no point in reading the rest of this book. Try Dr. Therese Rando for a more sensitive and professional view of grief.
Bereavement takes control of your life from you, but grieving starts to bring it back again. The most important fact is that you have lost somebody who was a big part of your life, someone you miss desperately; when reality sets in that youll never see him again, the pain and anguish sometimes is unbearable. The loss changed you on the inside, and grieving aids your inner strength to grow and feel confident again. As you begin to trust yourself, you start to trust other people more. You actually learn to smile and laugh again.
Acceptance of the changes in your life without anxiety or anger lead to enjoyment on your own. Realization that grief has made you a different person. It takes time (one and a half to three years) for you to be able to look back to see the whole picture and feel a load lifted from your shoulders and "a great relief" to be able to feel again. Weeping when needed is cleansing for the soul. It's not true that grown men don't cry. I witnessed the pain and hurt a young businessman could not hold back when faced with the loss of his thriving business. It broke my heart. We all need to feel free to express our deep feelings to get them out in the open.
It is devastating to lose something or someone you value (though he may refuse to believe your intentions) at any stage in life. Losing a child in death or otherwise feels lie your world is over, but you can learn how to create a new world and move on for self=survival. Some people are hurtful to others and appear as "insensitive" but actually they are taking their anger out on those who love them and will forgive. It's a part of life, and of growing up. It is a distressing aspect of sadness and despair for a time, then resolution and the sun shines again.
"Children whose grief goes unregarded, who are misled and puzzled, or whose natural reactions to adult grief are suppressed, will often delay their grief indefinitely, and lose some of their ability to deal with such feelings permanently." It happend to me when my mother died of cancer when I was seven. I've been to very few funerals since then. Sometimes, as happend after my dad's funeral, family rifts occur over money. Almost every family goes through some form or fashion of dissension and the results are estrangement from those surviving relatives. It could be a minor irritation over other people's mannerisms, or criticism for whatever cause, feelings of being different from the rest and treated as such, and threats by a relative who wanted everything.
Death is not easy for the surviving family members. Each will react according to his environment and ability to cope. The most detrimental is called "other-centered" grieving on behalf of the loved one who had a sudden, unexpected death. In effect, you're doing double grief which can be overwhelming. Working through your grief leads to a wisdom well-earned.