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The end. Please dear Creator, let it be the end.... (mild spoilers)
on 26 October 2013
"I see you finally decide to turn up then." Covenant observed with a percipient but impenetrable mien of thesauric obscurity.
"Yes," the Creator replied. "I know you expected it at the end of the book, but frankly I was so disappointed I couldn't bring myself to manifest until now."
"But..." Covenant's ring flared puissant argent with a theurgic mention of the krill thrown in to boot. "This was the final book, ever. It has some great action scenes! I fight a raver! Skurj! Cavewights! Masters do loads of kung fu in an epic underground battle! Linden Avery stops moaning! What wasn't there to like?"
The Creator frowned. "I know there was some really good stuff. The return of the fire-lions was a masterful stroke by Donaldson, and some of the character development, especially for Jeremiah, was actually quite good. But the same old problems remain, don't they? Endless moaning by Linden before the final chapter. The Land feels empty, with a total population of about 20, plus 400 nameless Masters. The repetition of words scoured from from the furthest regions of the thesaurus still grates..."
"Nonsense!" Covenant interrupted percipiently, congratulating himself with a condign simony of guerdon. "And the The Last Dark actually reads as a sensitive exploration of what it is to undergo mental and physical abuse and emerge as a survivor. Surely that deserves 5 stars, not a paltry 3?"
"But what about the many, many pages given over to describing how to mine some rock?" the Creator countered. "Geology isn't that exciting to start with, and although Jeremiah is supposedly capable of making a prison to trap the creator, why doesn't he make one for the skurj? Or the Ravers? Or Sandgorgons? Or Foul? Or the Worm at the World's End? Why does no-one think of this? And why is there a time limit on stopping the Worm when Linden and Covenant can time travel? It just doesn't make sense, not when compared to the excellent conclusion of the Mistborn trilogy by Sanderson, for instance. There, everything falls into place with an engineered precision. In The Last Dark it looks like Donaldson is desperately scrabbling around to pull thinks together after letting them fall too far apart in an effort to make your situation seem hopeless. And while we are on the subject, Memories of Light was a far better epic finale too."
Covenant's mien was troubled. He fingered his ring, which probably did something argent and theurgic again. "Ok, I see that there are flaws. But don't you think that you should cut me some slack? This is the final book, ever. Foul is forever defeated, the Land is safe for eternity and Linden is finally happy. That is worth a 4 star review, is it not?"
The Creator's wrath swelled. "Hellfire! But it isn't the end, is it? As soon as Donaldson runs out of cash, it will be so easy for him to resurrect Foul and we'll have to go through it all over again, won't we? Foul was comprehensively defeated at the end of White Gold wielder and you ascended into the Arch of Time, but you managed to bugger that up, didn't you? And his defeat this time is even less convincing. This is why I'm so depressed."
Saying that, the Creator vanished in a cloud of Despair, only to appear in the epilogue of the 9th and final volume of: The Really Final Chronicles of Thomas Covenant, No I Really Mean It, Honest, This Is It Now, My Pension Fund Is Big Enough, Seriously, No Going Back, Kings.
Covenant sighed, and decided to wander off to the One Tree again to cheer himself up.
Meanwhile Lord Foul/Steven Donaldson (who had always been aspects of one another) joined together and laughed, all the way to the bank.