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12 Huge Mistakes Parents Can Avoid Paperback – 18 Jul 2014

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Product details

  • Paperback: 240 pages
  • Publisher: Harvest House Publishers; First edition (18 July 2014)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0736958436
  • ISBN-13: 978-0736958431
  • Product Dimensions: 14 x 1.4 x 21.6 cm
  • Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (1 customer review)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 732,671 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Product Description

Review

"In our desire to be engaged parents, we sometimes do our kids more harm than good. We want to put them in a safe box, tell them not to leave it, and believe that all will be well. Tim's book inspires us to prepare our children for their adult lives, not our safe box! If we want them to thrive, we've got to equip them, and this book shows us how." --Jeremy Affeldt, pitcher, San Francisco Giants

"Our best intentions as parents can often lead to a series of unintended consequences that could dangerously derail the emotional development of our children. Once again, Dr. Tim Elmore combines research-based wisdom and practical application to keep us on track as we strive to nurture, love, and lead our children well. Buy this book. It's destined to become the well-worn manual of every mom and dad." --Tami Heim, former president of Borders Books, CEO, Christian Leadership Alliance

"As an educator and a student affairs practitioner with a background in mental health (and five children), I highly endorse this important perspective on parenting in today's culture. The world we live in is more complex than ever before. Parents and educators can highly benefit from this commonsense approach to the important tools of coaching, supporting, and challenging our youth to grow, to struggle, to learn, and to become the best people they can be." --Julie Talz Cox, director of residential life, Purdue University

"The challenges of life don't get easier as our kids grow older. In 12 Huge Mistakes Parents Can Avoid, Dr. Tim Elmore reminds us that leading well as parents is critical if we expect our children to meet these challenges in every phase of their lives. We must be intentional, now more than ever. This book shows us how to not merely care for our kids, but to help them care for themselves." --Dayton Moore, general manager, Kansas City Royals

"When I first became a mom, I didn't really know what I didn't know. Like most parents, I learned valuable lessons from my mistakes. I wish I would have had Tim's guidance to help me back then. His researched and thoughtful approach makes this book a valuable resource for parents and other adults involved in the lives of children. The problem isn't that we neglect our children, but that we fail to prepare for each new life stage. Once again, Tim Elmore lays out a diagnosis and a prescription for what caring adults can do to help children mature." --Jo Kirchner, president and CEO, Primrose Schools

"As someone who teaches, advises, and researches college students, I found that 12 Huge Mistakes Parents Can Avoid provides a relevant, practical framework for recognizing students' needs, understanding my role in their development, and acknowledging the way I can unknowingly hinder their progress. I recommend this book to any educator, especially those who work with students in transition. The 12 research-based mistakes are actually guideposts, offering us a lens to see the potential of who and what kids can be. Tim's voice is one of a mentor and a coach--asking powerful questions and sharing practical advice to bring out the best in us so we can bring out the best in our students." --Kerry Priest, assistant professor, Kansas State University School of Leadership Studies

"In our desire to be engaged parents, we sometimes do our kids more harm than good. We want to put them in a safe box, tell them not to leave it, and believe that all will be well. Tim's book inspires us to prepare our children for their adult lives, not our safe box! If we want them to thrive, we've got to equip them, and this book shows us how." Jeremy Affeldt, pitcher, San Francisco Giants "

"Our best intentions as parents can often lead to a series of unintended consequences that could dangerously derail the emotional development of our children. Once again, Dr. Tim Elmore combines research-based wisdom and practical application to keep us on track as we strive to nurture, love, and lead our children well. Buy this book. It's destined to become the well-worn manual of every mom and dad." Tami Heim, former president of Borders Books, CEO, Christian Leadership Alliance"

"As an educator and a student affairs practitioner with a background in mental health (and five children), I highly endorse this important perspective on parenting in today's culture. The world we live in is more complex than ever before. Parents and educators can highly benefit from this commonsense approach to the important tools of coaching, supporting, and challenging our youth to grow, to struggle, to learn, and to become the best people they can be." Julie Talz Cox, director of residential life, Purdue University"

"As someone who teaches, advises, and researches college students, I found that "12 Huge Mistakes Parents Can Avoid "provides a relevant, practical framework for recognizing students' needs, understanding my role in their development, and acknowledging the way I can unknowingly hinder their progress. I recommend this book to any educator, especially those who work with students in transition. The 12 research-based mistakes are actually guideposts, offering us a lens to see the potential of who and what kids can be. Tim's voice is one of a mentor and a coach asking powerful questions and sharing practical advice to bring out the best in us so we can bring out the best in our students." Kerry Priest, assistant professor, Kansas State University School of Leadership Studies"

"When I first became a mom, I didn't really know what I didn't know. Like most parents, I learned valuable lessons from my mistakes. I wish I would have had Tim's guidance to help me back then. His researched and thoughtful approach makes this book a valuable resource for parents and other adults involved in the lives of children. The problem isn't that we neglect our children, but that we fail to prepare for each new life stage. Once again, Tim Elmore lays out a diagnosis and a prescription for what caring adults can do to help children mature." Jo Kirchner, president and CEO, Primrose Schools"

"The challenges of life don't get easier as our kids grow older. In "12 Huge Mistakes Parents Can Avoid," Dr. Tim Elmore reminds us that leading well as parents is critical if we expect our children to meet these challenges in every phase of their lives. We must be intentional, now more than ever. This book shows us how to not merely care for our kids, but to help them care for themselves." Dayton Moore, general manager, Kansas City Royals"

About the Author

Dr. Tim Elmore is the president of Growing Leaders, a nonprofit that provides 6000 public schools, universities, civic organizations, and corporations with resources that foster the growth of young leaders. He is the author of more than 25 books and speaks at more than 100 events annually.

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Top Customer Reviews

Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
Mind blowing and eye opener. A must have for all parent and a gift for anyone going into parenting
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews on Amazon.com (beta)

Amazon.com: HASH(0x9b37ff30) out of 5 stars 24 reviews
6 of 7 people found the following review helpful
HASH(0x9b555210) out of 5 stars A MUST-READ for parents and teachers 11 Aug. 2014
By Craig T. Owens - Published on Amazon.com
Format: Paperback
I read a lot of books, but very few of them get a “must read” designation from me. For parents and teachers, 12 Huge Mistakes Parents Can Avoid by Dr. Tim Elmore fully earns my must-read label.

The future of our schools, our businesses, our communities and our country is being determined right now in our homes and in our schools. The way we raise our kids now will have far-reaching implications for all of us. Dr. Elmore has such a great way of speaking to the leadership issues of our young people, that I cannot urge you strongly enough to read this book.

Real quickly, the 12 huge mistakes that parents and teachers need to avoid are:
* We Won’t Let Them Fail
* We Project Our Lives On Them
* We Prioritize Being Happy
* We Are Inconsistent
* We Remove The Consequences
* We Lie About Their Potential And Don’t Explore Their True Potential
* We Won’t Let Them Struggle Or Fight
* We Give Them What They Should Earn
* We Praise The Wrong Things
* We Value Removing All Pain
* We Do It For Them
* We Prepare The Path For The Child Instead Of The Child For The Path

The book opens with a simple parenting quiz that will allow assess where you are in these 12 areas. Then you can turn to the chapter on which you scored the highest in the “overfunctioning parent” scale, and deal with that issue first. Each chapter is jam-packed with practical tips to correct that particular mistake.

Dr. Elmore describes the purpose behind his book this way—“Here’s the bottom line. I believe we need to face some new issues as parents. We must define what kids need from us to mature in a healthy way. We must figure out what hinders their growth and what equips them to be great adults. We must become both nurturers and trainers, knowing that we are not raising children, but future adults. I offer this book as a reference guide as you face your toughest challenges and attempt to get kids ready for life as they leave your home or school. Here’s to correcting our mistakes along the way—for their sake.”

Parents and teachers, go get this book!
8 of 10 people found the following review helpful
HASH(0x9ccd427c) out of 5 stars Definitely a Must Read For Parents 1 July 2014
By Talvi - Published on Amazon.com
Format: Paperback
This is a surprisingly good book packed with very useful and up to date observations on the iY gen child (i for ipad/iphone/etc. and y for Gen Y). Most of the book is focused on parents and the repercussions of how parenting has evolved after the fin de siecle. So while the title sounds very simple the book is anything but simplistic; there is a lot here to really make you think you twice about your parenting. Note, however, that this is a Christian themed book with bible references, quotes, scriptures, etc. Honestly, I wish it wasn't because the information contained herein is very universal and the Christian references will distance non-Christians from some good information. As well, the Christian themes can be removed so the book is universal to all religions in America without impacting the important information/advice/observations within.

The book is broken down by the 12 main mistakes and then some recommendations/things to remember afterwards. Almost all of them have to do with overparenting, which the author feels is the main shortcoming of the modern parent. Children aren't allowed to fail, develop their own lives or personalities, or become equipped to deal with the harsh realities of life as an adult. The result, as noted by the author, is the sheer amount of children never graduating university/college and increasing numbers returning to live at home. At heart, the author makes great points that the needs of the future and adult life are sacrificed to concentrate on the moments during childhood.

I was very impressed with the points asserted and honestly agreed with every one of them. I could see my own faults in there and areas I needed to change, improve, and (most especially) step back from to let my daughter develop, learn to adapt and thrive, and face hardships as well as the best times so she is prepared for all circumstances as an adult.

The book really focuses on Americans but the author notes that there are similar circumstances in a lot of English-speaking countries such as Canada and Britain. Almost an epidemic of overparenting combined with schools and society feeling the need to 'level the playing field' by deciding to not give honest assessments, grades, or mentoring. As such, kids grow up in a bubble that catastrophically pops once they are out in society and there is no mommy or daddy to guide their every move.

Although the information in the book is a solid five stars, I did rate down 1 star for the numerous plugs for the authors book(s), lectures, and organizations (they may be great, but when interspersed throughout the book, it feels more like a marketing tool or infomercial). They cheapened an otherwise well thought out and informative look at modern parenting and how we are likely setting our children up for horrible failure in the future.

Reviewed from an ARC.
5 of 6 people found the following review helpful
HASH(0x9b094f78) out of 5 stars Solid book (but sometimes a little over-the-top) 2 July 2014
By WestMetroMommy - Published on Amazon.com
Format: Kindle Edition
As my children approach school age, I'm finding myself drawn to books like these--how to help them without hindering them. Elmore presents a very easy to follow and instructional book for parents in my position. Let's face it, there are some out of control parents over there--those who just don't let their kids grow up (and this can pose some real problems in adulthood. I know a few of these "kids" and, whoa, it's not pretty, folks!)

This book is very well organized. I will say that it is a little formulaic, but that works well here. Elmore tackles 12 issues by defining them, exploring them, and then offering suggestions for parents. I would say that very little of what he says is surprising, but the way he phrases it makes the reader realize that they might possibly be treading on thin ice and this might be the time to turn things around.

This book is put out by a Christian publisher and it came to me under the "Christian / Parenting" banner. I will say that Elmore keeps his faith-based talk to a very bare minimum. True, what he advocates is in line with what many consider "Christian" parenting principles, but it is really more common sense than anything. I don't think that a non-Christian would have any issue or would be bothered by the contents or language of this book.

My only complaint is that Elmore sometimes goes just a bit too far. For example, he frequently talks about how parents go to great lengths to protect their children and he does give some examples--not letting them walk to school on their own (if it is nearby) or advocating that play structures be removed from playgrounds. But he also includes things such as insisting kids wear seat belts and bike helmets. I get it about overreaction to "treacherous" playgrounds, but I do think it is just common sense (and good parenting) to make sure your kids wear seat belts and bike helmets. So, my advice to a reader would be to go in to this book willing to take his hyperbole with a grain of salt.

All in all this is a solid parenting book--and one I wish had come out 35 or 40 years ago.
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
HASH(0x9b37d978) out of 5 stars should be a required read for parents 20 Aug. 2014
By khakitag - Published on Amazon.com
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
I found myself repeating wisdom from this book to my friends and husband. The best book I've read in a long time. I don't usually get through "self help" books but I couldn't put this one down. It is full of sobering stats and facts that will make you vow right then and there to interact differently with your kids. I'm giving this book as Christmas gifts this year.
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
HASH(0x9ccd3934) out of 5 stars They TOO are giving it GREAT reviews! Thanks 13 Aug. 2014
By BytheBooks - Published on Amazon.com
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
This book went into our public library and some of our teens' parents have already checked this book out! They TOO are giving it GREAT reviews! Thanks!!
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