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Customer reviews

4.6 out of 5 stars

on 12 July 2017
Is very interesting as I read it but is not a turn pager and I can't really summarise what I've just read...it doesn't really seem to give any conclusions. I can relate to some comments made as I am reading it.
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on 24 January 2018
A great book for any new mother - highly recommended. I have bought 5+ copies over the last 2 years
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on 20 January 2015
very happy with the book and service.
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on 23 April 2015
I just love this book and have given it to many of my new mummy friends.
I find it really affirming and made me feel better in the very early days when days seemed to go one forever though nothing was achieved. It helped remind me that there is so much achieved in the early days loving and caring for a baby. I would recommend this book!!
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on 16 June 2015
What an absolutely beautiful book from Naomi Stadlen, author of What Mothers Do – one of my very favourite books for new parents. Naomi’s work is fascinating as it discusses many of the common issues prevalent in today’s current society but doesn’t try to ‘fix’ them. What she does is normalises many of the typical scenarios many mothers experience, provides shape to them through dialogue and helps address the underlying thoughts and emotions. She does this in such a kind, caring, non-judgemental way and thereby is accessible to every single parent.

This book feels like the next logical book after What Mothers Do. It demonstrates the emotional transition of motherhood including how mums love, emotions and thoughts of new mums, relationships, changing identities and the current challenges around parenting in our society. Mothers everywhere will feel re-assured reading this book that they’re doing ‘OK’ as there is something in this book we can all relate to. What is the most fantastic philosophy behind this book is that it’s NOT a parenting book telling you how to raise your child, telling you how you should be feeling, what you should be doing, how you can love your child. It will empower any mother reading it that every emotion (good and bad) is something many of us have experienced – even if we’ve not been able to articulate it or felt able to articulate it. I loved her view of talking about emotions that we feel as parents and why articulating those emotions is so important – once we can recognise an emotion, talk about and shape it, we can start to manage it – it’s when we don’t that it starts to evolve into something unrecognisable.

This book covers how relationships between mother and child are built – through intimacy, touch, connection and communication. How small cues or reactions by babies will lead mums to knowing what their baby’s needs are. It explains the complexities of managing both the child and the mother’s needs and the importance of both their needs. It demonstrates how mother’s just need to ‘be’ there for their babies – we don’t need to be doing lots of with them except responding to their needs for food, sleep, interaction, interpreting their cues, empathising with them and communicating through touch as well as verbally.

What I loved about this book is that it describes how parenting styles and philosophies have evolved over many years – yet many fundamental principles are the same. It’s interesting how these prescriptive ways of parenting can put so much pressure on mothers and expectations on their babies.

Great chapters on changing relationships between mother and father – this would be particularly good for fathers to read, becoming a parent for the second time – this would really inspire confidence in a mum, and also how the bigger family relationships change.

I’m a huge advocate for tribes and finding your local tribe and women to connect with. This book demonstrates this so clearly –the value of your tribe, how the tribe can help you through normalising what you’re feeling, providing you with options, giving you space to be able to express what’s happening and comfort through laughter or tears. Many new mums struggle to find their tribe or understand what the importance is – women have sat in circles for centuries and raised their babies together – this book helps us to understand the value in this.

This book is another excellent book and, along with What Mothers Do, would be something I’d prescribe all mother buy and read in those first few weeks when all you feel you do is feed your baby. This would make you understand that those hours gazing at each other are worth every single second and would remove so many pressures we face as well as help us to understand why we feel and behave in specific ways.

Reviewed by Tricia from NurtureMe - http://www.nurtureme.uk.com
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on 28 October 2011
This book is very special. Every new mother would benefit from this wise and kindly approach.

For the first time the difficulties and problems - the suffering of new mothers faced with completely unknown territory is examined. By using the voices of many `Mothers Talking' we begin to realize that `failure' and `not understanding' is part of the process.

The more I read, the more I felt that the issue was a spiritual one. Not only does the young mother discover to her surprise that she has fallen deeply in love with her new baby - but she grows to see that her baby not only needs her but also truly loves her. This love, flowing between mother and baby, provides the extra energy for them to overcome the difficulties and the burdens of tiredness they both face.

By understanding this key concept the mother gains in confidence and knowledge such that she can throw away any rule books, and check out any advice without feeling it to be criticism. This knowledge permits her to see how vital she is for the development of her little baby. Further, as she feels free to concentrate on this mind/body connection, this love grows and resonates between them ; feedback then generates more and more useful energy to the benefit of both. Both can then feel secure - both gain a tranquillity and bloom.

No longer is she `only a mother' she is the provider of the template of a loving relationship which empowers the baby for all subsequent relationships in his life.

This book sets mothers free to trust themselves and be proud of their role. If only I had been blessed with this many years ago! At least I can give it to my own daughters. Made me laugh a lot too........................
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on 29 November 2011
I saw this book mentioned in the Guardian, and thought it might help me to understand how my style of mothering has affected my children.
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on 6 October 2014
A brilliant sequel to What Mothers Do. Beautifully written, with deep insight and appreciation of the importance of mothering.
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on 27 June 2012
A few years ago, I was strongly encouraged by several people to read Naomi Stadlen`s first book, What Mothers Do: especially when it looks like nothing. I think one of my favourite things about that book is its tagline: Especially when it looks like nothing. In my opinion, both What Mothers Do and Stadlen's latest book, How Mothers Love and how relationships are born ought to be required reading for everyone, not just parents. Maybe then we'd have a chance to create a culture where the work parents do is valued the way it should be!

In How Mothers Love, Stadlen explains the complicated, terrfying, overwhelming and seemingly unfathomable feelings and emotional work that parents, particularly the primary carers of children, experience and how they are changed by that experience.

Until one is a parent, it is easy to think that all it takes is to give birth to a baby, feed him, clothe him and care for him and that's it, you're a parent. But as anyone who has done it will know, that is the easy bit, and in this book, Stadlen eloquently describes the development of parents in all its depth and beauty, using quotes from mothers who've attended her Mothers Talking groups over the last twenty years.

Stadlen explains not only how we learn to love our babies, but how that process is affected by many other things - our relationships with our own mothers; the existence of a first-born; the state of our relationship with our baby's other parent. She writes about support and about how we make choices about how we parent our babies and what the affect of that support and those choices might be.

I found myself repeatedly nodding or smiling in recognition throughout the whole of this book, just as I did with What Mothers Do. If you loved that one, then definitely get hold of a copy of How Mothers Love and re-read both of them every time you ask yourself why on earth you're doing this job!
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on 31 October 2011
Naomi Stadden is an inspirational woman and this really is a must read. Insightful, non judgemental and full of wisdom - all from mothers. I can read this over and over and gleam new light from it each time. Made me laugh out loud and cry at shared mothering experiences. I do not hesitate in recommending this book.
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