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How to Break Your Addiction to a Person Paperback – 1 Dec 2003

4.3 out of 5 stars 38 customer reviews

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Product details

  • Paperback: 272 pages
  • Publisher: Bantam Books; Reprint edition (1 Dec. 2003)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0553382497
  • ISBN-13: 978-0553382495
  • Product Dimensions: 13.2 x 1.5 x 20.8 cm
  • Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (38 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 136,035 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Product Description

From the Inside Flap

Are you in love--or addicted? How to know when to call it quits...and how to find the courage to call it quits.


Are you unable to leave a love relationship even though it gives you more pain than joy? Your judgment and self-respect tell you to end it, but still, to your dismay, you hang on. You are addicted--to a person. Now there is an insightful, step-by-step guide to breaking that addiction--and surviving the split. Drawing on dozens of provocative case histories, psychotherapist Howard Helpern explains to you:


Why you can get addicted to a person.


Why and how you may try to deceive yourself. ("He really loves me, he just doesn't know how to show it.")


How you can recognize the symptoms of a bad relationship.


How to deal with the power moves and guilt trips your partner uses to hold you.


Why strong feelings of jealousy do not mean you are "in love."


How to get through the agonizing breakup period--without going back.


How not to get caught in such a painful relationship again.

"From the Paperback edition.

About the Author

Howard M. Halpern received his Ph.D. in clinical psychology from Columbia University in 1954. He taught at Columbia and other colleges and has been a consultant, clinical psychologist, and psychotherapist at several New York colleges and clinics. He was the codirector of the New York Student Consultation Center and is a past president of the American Academy of Psychotherapists.

Dr. Halpern has practiced psychotherapy in New York City for forty-eight years. His previous books include Cutting Loose: An Adult Guide to Coming to Terms with Your Parents and Finally Getting It Right. He also wrote a nationally syndicated newspaper column called "On Your Own". His appearances on national media include Donahue, The Today Show, 20/20, and CNN.


Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Paperback
I read this book out of desperation. I bought this book to help me to completely let go of my past relationship with a man. Thing with me is that he actually left over 3 years ago, but i still get annoyed and hurt by what he did to me. I bought this book to help me understand what my problem is.
The book is very clear and simple to understand and gives examples of different types of attachments which sometimes lead to addiction. It also gives examples of different people and the way they feel about their partners. I think i was deffinately addicted to my ex. I have read this book once and it did make a lot of sense. I will read it again and do the practices in there. No book is a cure, but this is the only book i have read that made sense to me and actually showed what my attachment to my ex actually was. I recommend this book to anyone who is stuck in a relationship that is causing them too much pain yet they cannot leave and also to those people whose relationships have ended but they are still thinking about the past and not being able to move forward. It will help but the rest is upto us. We must be strong !
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Format: Mass Market Paperback
I came across this book in a book shop by coincidence four years ago. I had just been divorced from my husband of 19 years. I was feeling hurt, and lonely. I had very low self esteem. I could not move on although I desparately wanted to. When I saw the title of this book, I thought it had nothing to do with me, because I was too proud to admit that I was addicted to my ex-husband. I spent an hour in the book shop going back to this book a few times. In the end I bought it. I convinced myself that it was cheap and I could throw it away after a few pages. As I read it, I was amazed to discover that I was actually 'addicted'. Halfway through the book, I had the courage to let go off my old relationship. A few months after that, I met a gorgeous man and fell in love. We have been together since then.
This book helped me bury my old relationship and move on. I have been recommending this book to all my friends who find it difficult to cope with a relationship break up.
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Format: Paperback
If you read this book thoroughly it can really help you. It focuses on if you or in an actual relationship but you can use it to work for you. i wasnt in a so called relationship but just kept going back to the same person who refused to commit and i couldnt let go or even comtemplate moving on. This book helped me to see into my feelings and after a while i began to realise what i was doing. the humiliation i consistently put myself through became less as i used this book to help myself find a way out. There are chapters that may be irrelevant if you are not in a serious relationship or married etc, but u dont need to be in either of those to be addicted to a person. One chapter from the book were i leant to write memos to myself relating to the person in question really helped me. you can use your feelings to write down reasons why you trap yourself in a dead end relationship with someone who, you will find in the end, is clearly not worth it. There is always hope and if you can persist with the grey times you'll be ok because the tunnel vision wont last forever.
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Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
It is so rare to find a self help book that does exactly what it claims to do. But this one does. If, like me, you have been trying for years to break free from a relationship that you knew was wrong for you, but somehow cannot bring yourself to take that final step, buy this book. Finally, I was able to do what I needed to do. The book is very helpful at explaining some of the reasons why you might be addicted - when you recognise, and admit to those, you are half way there to making the break. But the book is not just about ending a relationship. Wisely, it acknowledges that there may be good things in the relationship, but that they will not become clear to you unless you learn to see the person as a whole human being, and not just the object of your addiction. The author is wise, without being judgemental. If you've worked your way through books like Robin Norwood's "Women who love too much", and recognised yourself in them, but still not been able to break free, try this book.
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By A Customer on 7 Feb. 2006
Format: Paperback
If you are trapped in an unhealthy infatuation and feel like you are going mad, this book really helps to understand what is motivating your self-destructive behaviour. I felt a lot more empowered after reading this book. Also gives practical advice on separating yourself from someone you feel you can’t live without, although you know they are damaging you and your self-respect.
Clearly and well written. Full of optimism, positive vibes and understanding. I would recommend this book to friends trapped in bad relationships. This book can make a real difference to your life.
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Format: Paperback
This book is good but I did find the Title quite misleading as the author put `How to Break your Addiction to a Person' but from what I read, he only wrote about being addicted to a person in a relationship. I would like to point out someone can still have an addiction to an individual even if they are not going out with them.

However, I found when he was talking about the route of the problem stems from childhood useful. He mentioned then they had `feelings of being too small, helpless, and inadequate to deal with the world's demands and dangers'. But unfortunately, their needs were not met as their `parents were not good at helping [them] to develop confidence in [their] own abilities'.

If you have an addiction to someone you are in a relationship with, this book you will likely find helpful, if you are obsessed with a person you're not going out with then I recommend reading `Obsessive Love' by DR. Susan Forward.
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