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He's Scared, She's Scared: Understanding the Hidden Fears That Sabotage Your Relationships Paperback – 1 Aug 1997
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" The authors' achievement is that they have gone beyond the obvious avoidance patterns to uncover the more subtle ways men and women sabotage love." -- "Publisher's Weekly"
"Theauthors' achievement is that they have gone beyondthe obvious avoidance patterns to uncover the moresubtle ways men and women sabotage love." --Publisher's Weekly"
"The authors' achievement is that they have gone beyond the obvious avoidance patterns to uncover the more subtle ways men and women sabotage love." -- Publisher's Weekly
From the Inside Flap
Available for the first time in paperback, this follow-up to the phenomenally successful "Men Who Can't Love tackles the issue of commitmentphobia, that persistent obstacle to truly satisfying contemporary relationships. Authors Stephen Carter and Julia Sokol explore why modern men and women are torn between the desire for intimacy and the equally intense need for independence. Drawing on numerous interviews and real-life scenarios, and written with humor, insight, and the kind of wisdom gained by personal experience, "He's Scared, She's Scared offes guidance for all of us who want genuine, sustained intimacy with our romantic partners.
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Top customer reviews
If you want to know why you keep sabotaging your relationships then this book will give you some insight.
However, if you also crave the ability to form a committed relationship then this is very, very depressing. Other than recommending psychotherapy there is very, very little good news or advice in its pages (hence only four stars).
I've ordered the follow-up book: "Getting to commitment" in the hope it provides a more optimistic view for the future.
However the chaser who normally plays the "victim" role actually ends up seeking these types of relationships, as they have commitment issues too, and in order to date someone who is unavailable, you accept their ridiculous conditions in reality because you don't really want a full-on relationship either! Interestingly an individual with commitment issues is not necessarily an active avoider or a passive avoider per se, but may change roles either in different relationships, or even in the same one over time. Hence there can often be a push/pull dynamic.
The eye-opener here is understanding that you are not alone and that an experience which you think no-one else can relate to is actually a lot more widespread than you at first may think, was a real find for me, personally.
I found this book superb, easily the best thing written on the subject that I have ever come across, it will give you understanding (for active readers) and peace of mind and some degree of closure (for passive readers).
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