When I discovered this book I purchased it hoping that it would help me face up to many of the issues that I still need to work through myself. The similarities between Rory's story and my own really touched me; his mum died 7 years ago and he notes that he is only just beginning to accept what happened. My mum died 6 years ago today, just five weeks after finding out she had cancer. Up until that point she was working full-time, was fit and healthy, walking miles every day and going on holiday twice a year. It was a terrible shock to us all and I personally still find it hard to come to terms with what happened.
Just reading the prologue of this book brought so many deeply hidden emotions to the surface. The things that Rory mentioned were uncannily similar to my own experience. He had also made a pact with his mother back when she was well. She was going to return after her death and metaphorically poke him on the shoulder - somehow she was going to tell him she was ok. But, she didn't. Neither did my mum. His description of how he felt her warmth fade away over time just kept me thinking, 'that was exactly how I felt'
It brought me such comfort to be able to read Rory's words and to be able to compare my experiences with his. Again I cried when I read that he had kept his mother's hair clippings - when someone you love is so close to death it is hard to justify throwing anything of theirs away.
The Gift of Time is a beautiful and extremely emotional book. It catalogues the personal diaries and thoughts of Rory, his wife Katrin and his mother Joan as they try to find their way through the journey that is cancer and dying.
Of course the book is sad; how could it not be? But it is so much more than that. It is a story of love, of hope, yes of death and of coming to terms with great loss. But it is also a celebration of life, love and family.
I found it inspirational and I can honestly say I feel much more at peace now having read Rory's very personal and heartfelt story.
Rory includes so many wise anecdotes throughout the book which are told to him in passing by a friend, a nurse, a relative. One that really stuck with me was 'don't ever say 'at least I did ....' life should never be 'at least'. I've spent the last 6 years saying, 'at least I did xyz with mum ....' Rory has helped me to change my thinking and decide instead to celebrate the hundreds of positive memories that I have instead of the 'at leasts'.
It must have taken a lot of courage to write such a personal and heartfelt book and I can only say 'thank you' to Rory and Katrin for sharing their experiences and for helping not only me, but I am sure plenty of others in a similar situation to start their journey of moving forward.
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