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on 16 April 2003
Feeling rather frazzled with a "terrible two" year old, I was wondering whether people were right who told me that the "short sharp shock" treatment of smacking children was the only way to "make them do". Although I tried it in bad situations, and it stopped the behaviour, it always felt so fundamentally wrong. Now I'm delighted and relieved to find that there is another way, and it seems such common sense when you read the book. You'll be amazed at the response you get...although there was never any deficit of love between my daughter and I, we are now much more relaxed together and happier too. I've only been doing it for a week...I wish I'd read this a year ago. It's fantastic and every parent should read it. My only challenge now is converting my husband...
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on 10 October 2004
You may have read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, like me but still wondered if John Gray was going to have anything really enlightening to say about raising children. Don't concern yourself about that as he has plently to say and, in my opinion all of it really eye opening.
I have read lots of books on raising children trying to find ways to make my life easier and searching for ways where we can all live happily together. This book really does give you so much useful information. I found the chapter on the different tempraments of children particularly fascinating and just understand my five year old so much better now...it is just amazing the difference when I communicate with him.
After reading this book and putting the recommendations into practice I would honestly say I am so much happier as a mother and can see the change in the kids...do not hesitate to buy this book it is worth every penny.
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on 24 March 2006
Most parenting books focus on problem behaviour but I just wanted a little more cooperation from my daughter and thought this book sounded helpful. In fact I have found it the most positive and useful book on the subject which I turn to time and again for a reminder of and support for what I am trying to achieve. Whenever I feel I have a child behaviour problem, this book reminds me that my approach will make all the difference. And it does. Although people familiar with transactional analysis and assertion will recognise some of the strategies, it is put across in an original and applicable way. I have even adapted some of the ideas into a managers training course! If you want more cooperation and less yelling in your family, this is the book for you.
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on 30 December 1999
The first time I tried the techniques described in this book, I got instant results, but thought it was a fluke. The second time, I suspected Gray might have hit on something. After four weeks, my boy magically cooperates and I've only yelled at him once. If you've got a child, buy the book. If you've got adults to influence (it works on grown ups too!), buy the book.
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on 21 October 1999
It is hard to do justice to do this book. It is absolutely chocker-block full of fantastic information that will change your relationship with your child. This is for every parent who wonders if there a better way or another way to increasing co-operation without losing your temper or threatening some form of punishment or simply backing down or going to the beach indefinitely. The ground-breaking news from John Gray is that children naturally want to co-operate with us -- all we need to do as parents is take responsibility so that they can do that with us. This is an easy-to-read, easy to apply book. The work lies with the parent. There are skills to be learned, ie. Skills to Create Cooperation, Skills to Minimize Resistance, Skills for Increasing Motivation, Skills for Maintaining Control, and more... The really heartening news for me as a parent is to know that I am teaching my child valuable communication and negotiating skills now, that he can take on into teen time, and beyond. Also, that I can accept his 'no', and work with him to negotiate a solution. And for those of you who wonder how long it will take to put the techniques into practice, I got off the train Sunday afternoon and by Sunday evening had my son co-operating with something he had been rebelling against for 6 months! We also negotiated our way through one tantrum that evening and haven't seen one for two weeks. Why? Because I've become much more skilled in how I communicate with him and I make sure I respect his own rhythms of communication.
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on 8 November 2012
This book is fantastic. John Gray writes about the pro's & cons of soft parenting and hard parenting and how best to get children to co-operate by being somewhere in between. The basic principles are that soft parenting is too permissive and gives children too much power and actually does not make them feel very cared for. Where as being hard parents severely damages a child's self esteem and causes children, as they become older to shut down & stop communicating with their parents. Even middle of the road parents often make mistakes and this book teaches how to make adjustments to ensure we can raise children who will go on to live happy and fulfilling lives. After reading this book I recognised how to change the way I asked for co-operation and the results were instant. We now have a much happier 9 year old, which of course is a huge relief and makes for much better relationships all round.
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on 18 May 2013
I bought this book to help me with my 6 year old whose confidence seemed to have hit rock bottom.
After reading this book and implementing the 5 steps I have started to see the benefits already in just one week!
It made me realise what I was doing wrong as a parent and has helped me realise how important my influence is. I'm now hoping to convince my husband to read it!!
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on 28 October 2015
There are some really helpful ideas in this, some different ways of thinking and a couple of genuine aha moments. However, I did find that it makes the same points over and over, and, personally, I was put off by the repeated religious messages. Maybe the title should have given me a clue that I should expect that!!
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on 28 March 2013
Its my parenting bible with good guidance on how to communicate to children, gives you ideas on what to expect at each stage and therefore understand that its the agegroup behaviour. I dont get surprises anymore from my children and have learnt how to deal with them.
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on 24 May 2012
Ordered this book as it was recommended to me by a friend. It was a second hand product but arrived in good condition and am very pleased with it. useful and helpful advice. Would recommend it to others bringing up children.
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