Controlling People: How to Recognize, Understand, and Deal with People Who Try to Control You Audio CD – Audiobook, 29 Jun 2012
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"...the most important thing is to realize that you don't deserve to be treated that way."-Oprah Winfrey (advance praise for Controlling People); "A groundbreaking new book."-Newsweek --This text refers to the Paperback edition.
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Top Customer Reviews
However, the title says "How to Recognize, Understand and *Deal* with People Who Try to Control You
I had hoped for more concrete methods described in the dealing with controllers aspect. The book's concluding chapters seemed to me to consist of many quotes from people congratulating either themselves or Evans on having 'broken the spell'. I found it hard to distil firm techniques that would help me practice spellbreaking. The abuse I witness is very subtle and hard to pin down and confront in the workplace and the methods mentioned seem to me best suited for "In your face" abuse.
Finally so many books and websites on abuse and bullying are overtly gender biased and Patricia Evan's book is no exception. I think a better balanced insight could have been gained from illustrating the patterns of control and abuse with more examples of people abused by female partners or colleagues. When the "typical" gender dynamic is reversed it really does highlight the power and recurring pattern of controlling abusive behaviour.
The path to becoming an abuser is not a "Man thing". It can flow from mother to daughter from wife to husband, even employee to boss! Being a target of abuse is not the female prerogative.
Myself, my father, my partner and her father, have all been the objects of "control connections" from spellbound women and those women in turn were the victims of maternal abuse and neglect.Read more ›
On the other hand, it suffers several flaws. Minor ones first: Evans spends time reflecting on the worldwide political implications of her psychological theory that start moving into unsupported vagueness, and that's pages that could more usefully have been devoted to constructive advice, plus over-reaching a bit. Also, she rather over-uses her invented phrases, 'Controller', 'Pretend Person' and so on, which gives the book an almost cultic feel at times. There are times when the book feels a bit over-excited about its theory.
This wouldn't be too bad, but there are two serious flaws: it offers frustratingly little advice on what to do about such situations - saying 'What?' whenever someone makes an inappropriate remark is honestly about as far as it goes - and its structure is rather meandering.
It's a real shame that she speaks vaguely of the 'Controller' throughout and doesn't consider any changes of nuance according to the relationship. Why not, for instance, have a chapter on husband-to-wife control, wife-to-husband, parent-to-child, friend-to-friend, boss-to-employee and so on? All of these are slightly different situations where the same problem can occur, and the victims' options are very different in each. Such a structure would not only be more helpful but would also make the book far easier to navigate and reread. As it is, it's hard to remember what Evans says where; it all blurs into one general theory.
A great theory, to be sure.Read more ›
It does ask for some perseverence. If you don't get to grips with the terms used (Teddy? Witness? Spellbreaker? Pretend Person?) it is confusing, and it takes a couple of concentrated reads to fully understand. But it's worth the trouble - definitely the best book I've read about bullying.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
I could not recommend this book enough! A MUST buy if you feel your will is constantly overtaken by the ones close to you and you are continuously frustrated and unhappy, yet made... Read morePublished 2 months ago by Mihaela Furnea
Quite informative and makes you think about the people who control in subtle ways. Still reading it though so cannot give full marks just yet.Published 8 months ago by Miss Victoria Armstrong
I am giving 5 starts only for that you can buy a kindle edition which saves money.Published 9 months ago by Amazon Customer
This was in fact a book purchased for my husband, and as far as I am aware he is happy with it.Published 14 months ago by Samantha J Ramskill