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CAUGHT SHORT ABROAD - My U bend romp around the globe by [Start, Bartholomew]
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CAUGHT SHORT ABROAD - My U bend romp around the globe Kindle Edition

4.4 out of 5 stars 72 customer reviews

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Length: 167 pages Word Wise: Enabled Enhanced Typesetting: Enabled
Page Flip: Enabled

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Product Description

About the Author

Bartholomew Start - Did not have the best ‘start’ in life. He was born at the fair ground in Liverpool, to a family of travelling circus folk, who were performing there in 1963. He was a nervous child, but put that down to the fact his mother was fired out of a cannon whilst pregnant.   Born prematurely and virtually blind, he was forced to wear beer bottle spectacles as a child. Consequently, he didn’t mix well.   He was in and out of schools - due to his parent’s wanderlust. He started to read about nuclear fusion in his spare time. He told his fellow schoolmates he was off to Cambridge.   In 1981, he finally got there - his parent’s circus act took them to the outskirts of Huntingdon.   His fascination with pooing began very early. Believe it or not, he started pooing the day he was born. By the age of two he was wiping his own bottom, though not very concisely, and by the age of four he was totally toilet trained and never had another accident until he started travelling at the age of eighteen.   Bartholomew currently lives in Liverpool with his family, and despite being elderly, continues to poo most days, much to the delight of his daughter, who seems to be a chip off the old block, as she likes nothing better than having a good ‘dump’, then telling everyone about it.   CAUGHT SHORT ABROAD is his first book. Highlights from "A good Jobbie" Kick off it most definitely did!!! In the main reception, soon after I’d locked the door and dropped my trousers around my ankles.   I finished performing, and mercifully noticed that the toilet had an extractor fan. I pulled the string of what I thought was the extractor fan, but to my abject horror, trousers around my ankles, I’d pulled the chord of the emergency alarm.   The noise was deafening, and to make matters worse - made no difference to the ‘whiff’ in the room. A crowd gathered by the door thinking I was in some need of medical assistance.   Now everyone in the building had been alerted to my homemade ‘emanation’. The only assistance I required now was a ladder, to climb out of the window - run across the car park, and get back into my car, and drive as fast as I could, back to Liverpool. Failing that, I could follow my turd into the toilet and escape, like Tim Robbins in The Shawshank Redemption.   A sense of resignation to the imminent embarrassing low I would face crept over me, as I speedily pulled my pants up, I heard the two girls on reception saying: “Is anyone in there. Are you alright?”

Product details

  • Format: Kindle Edition
  • File Size: 317 KB
  • Print Length: 167 pages
  • Page Numbers Source ISBN: 1480056901
  • Sold by: Amazon Media EU S.à r.l.
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B0095UFAFG
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Word Wise: Enabled
  • Enhanced Typesetting: Enabled
  • Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars 72 customer reviews
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #363,950 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
I got this book as a freebie some months ago and, as such, can't really complain too much. It's not "hilairious" - it's amusing in parts, but mostly cringeworthy. And I read it in just over an hour, so it's fairly short.

It's basically a lot of stories about a man following through due to illness or diet in various parts of the world. And then using a number of different "things to hand" to try to clean himself up and then dispose of his underwear.

You would think after the first few misshaps that he would have started carrying toilet roll around with him.

So it's not really a story - more like something that should be a weekly magazine column thrown together into a book. The writing style showed promise - but it is like those books "100 uses for a dead cat" that people buy each other at Christmas and that get stuck in a charity bag in the new year.

Ok read. But won't be reading it again.
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Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
Although I enjoyed most of the stories in this book, they didn't 'flow'. It seems to be a collection of memoirs - all related to his bowel movements in various parts of the world - but there is no continuity.

It would have been much easier to read if he had given more explanation of where he was, why he was there and how the visit fitted in with other stories.It isn't a book that starts at the beginning and follows chronologically -it jumps about back and forth from country to country so that it is not possible to keep up.

He is so intent on relating his bowel problems that there is no real story. It had the potential to combine a good travel book with amusing incidents based on his toilet problems but he failed. The already short book is only 93% long -the rest is taken with acknowledgements (Bec Foulis failed him somewhat in proof-reading as there are a fair number of errors)and then odd quotations.

This is a book that started out with promise but failed to deliver, even though some of the incidents were funny and others cringe-making. And I'm sure we all secretly (or not, in the case of many males) admire his fart/shart stories!! Also his description of the perfect poo was accurate!!

I hope this author gets some better advise on writing as he has promise, but this book did not quite succeed.
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Be warned! This is exactly what it says on the tin. It's not always as funny as the author claims it was as he thought at the time or as he would have us believe now. Go into this with your eyes and whatever else open. Don't say you haven't been warned!
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A tedious scatological tour around some places of little interest. If ever a book was overwritten to make the most of a few trivial incidents, this may be it. A waste of your cash, even a very little of it.
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If you enjoy toilet humour, this is the book for you! I loved it. It's a wickedly funny journey of potty based humour around the globe. Anyone who has travelled to less developed countries will empathise with the author, I certainly do. A great book to dip in and out of, each chapter is short and can be read non-sequentially. Some of the incidents were laugh out loud hilarious.
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Well, at first I really thought someone was taking the P stating that it was an actual written travelogue of their visits of various countries - how the hell can this happen to one person? I certainly found out that, yes, it was a true written account of all the POO stories that anyone could possibly encounter and he could re-tell in a book. How very, very funny this script is, well worth a read because you'll be laughing non-stop at his antics. I can't wait for a follow up book so if the author isn't actually travelling at the moment, I suggest he gets on the first flight outta England and re-tell more of his mis-haps! Certainly makes a dull day brighter!
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Toilet humour at its worst!!! Dont try to read in public cos this book is very funny in parts!! I started this book on the bus on the way to work and I had to put it down, I was getting funny looks and the poor lady who was sat next to me changed seats as soon as she could, Its quite a short book but I enjoyed it a great deal .
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Downloaded this book as it was a Kindle freebie. Thought I could read it when I ran out of other books to read ( as if that is possible with a Kindle). Needing a change of pace from other genre, I decided to give this book a "go". Can't recall when I have laughed so long and loud. I laughed so hard that the tears were running down my leg. At one point I had to make a mad dash to the loo. Thankfully no one was blocking my way or demanding an entrance fee and I had an unlimited supply of toilet rolls. If you enjoy toilet humour, then give this book a go. Having read it now, I would gladly have paid for it. Am in the process of emailing my Kindle friends to recommend.
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