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Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No: When to Say Yes, When to Say No, to Take Control of Your Life Hardcover – 13 Oct 1992

4.2 out of 5 stars 206 customer reviews

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Hardcover, 13 Oct 1992
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Product details

  • Hardcover: 304 pages
  • Publisher: Zondervan; Revised edition (13 Oct. 1992)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0310585902
  • ISBN-13: 978-0310585909
  • Product Dimensions: 15.9 x 2.8 x 23.6 cm
  • Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (206 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 142,698 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Product Description

About the Author

Dr. Henry Cloud is an acclaimed leadership expert, psychologist, and New York Times best-selling author with his books selling more than 10 million copies. As a speaker, Dr. Cloud has shared the stage with many business and global leaders and experts, such as Tony Blair, Jack Welch, Condoleezza Rice, Desmond Tutu, Malala Yousafzai, and others. In his leadership consulting practice, Dr. Cloud works with Fortune 500 companies and smaller private businesses alike. He has an extensive executive coaching background and experience as a leadership consultant, devoting the majority of his time working with CEO's, leadership teams and executives to improve performance, leadership skills, and culture. Dr. Cloud lives in Los Angeles with his wife, Tori, and their two daughters, Olivia and Lucy.

Dr. John Townsend is a leadership consultant, psychologist, and New York Times bestselling author. He has written twenty-seven books, selling 10 million copies, including the 3 million-selling Boundaries series. John is founder of the Townsend Institute for Leadership and Counseling and conducts the Townsend Leadership program. He travels extensively for corporate consulting, speaking, and working with leadership families. He and his wife Barbi have two sons, and live in Newport Beach, California. One of John's favorite hobbies is playing in a band that performs in Southern California lounges and venues.

From the Back Cover

Having clear boundaries is essential to a healthy, balanced lifestyle. A boundary is a personal property line that marks those things for which we are responsible. In other words, boundaries define who we are and who we are not. Boundaries impact all areas of our lives: Physical boundaries help us determine who may touch us and under what circumstances -- Mental boundaries give us the freedom to have our own thoughts and opinions -- Emotional boundaries help us to deal with our own emotions and disengage from the harmful, manipulative emotions of others -- Spiritual boundaries help us to distinguish God's will from our own and give us renewed awe for our Creator -- Often, Christians focus so much on being loving and unselfish that they forget their own limits and limitations. When confronted with their lack of boundaries, they ask: - Can I set limits and still be a loving person? - What are legitimate boundaries? - What if someone is upset or hurt by my boundaries? - How do I answer someone who wants my time, love, energy, or money? - Aren't boundaries selfish? - Why do I feel guilty or afraid when I consider setting boundaries? Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend offer biblically-based answers to these and other tough questions, showing us how to set healthy boundaries with our parents, spouses, children, friends, co-workers, and even ourselves.

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Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Firstly, although the authors are Christian and have wriiten this book with numerous biblical references, you do not have to be a believer yourself to understand their 'message'. Personal 'boundaries' are as equally relevant to Moslems, Buddhists and so on, as they are to 'non believers like myself.
Many of us were brought up without a clear indication of the concept of boundaries. The nearest I can recall is that my father went to work to earn money which kept us and my mother cooked and kept house. As for children, well, they were to be seen, but not heard! There must have been other 'boundaries' that I was taught, but they are not obvious (even now at 56 years of age). Looking back on my life I can see that had I known of and developed boundaries such as those in this excellant book, my life would have been less 'hassle' and I would have been more easily understood by others.
Drs. Cloud and Townsend are clinical psychologists and their insight and knowledge of human interactions is 'mindblowing'. As an example, many of us who are in conflict with someone often take our grievences to a third party. Sometimes it is for advice, but probably more often than not we hope 'they' will agree that we are 'in the right'. By doing so, we put people in positions that is impossible, probably only with the facts that you wish them to have and the risk is that 'the problem' ropes in others who should not be involved.
However, these Christian authors are quite clear that the best way is to confront people with behaviour that you find difficult to cope with and work out a solution with them. Obvious isn't it? Only though, how many of us tackle problems in such a direct manner? Many Christians have been taught that the 'right way' is to turn the other cheek or show love instead.
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Format: Paperback
This is a life-changing book, and a classic. I thnk the main message of the book can be summarised very simply: I need to understand where my boundaries are; take responsibility for the things within my own boundaries; and allow other people to take responsibility for the things within their boundaries.

Several aspects of the book can be quite annoying.

* It is American, with the cultural assumptions and norms that this implies.

* It is very Christian, with many references to Biblical stories and providing chapter and verse references to most of the quotes. This is not a problem for me, but I suspect it will limit the accessibility of the book for prople who are not evangelical Christians, which is a pity because the content works whatevery you believe.

* The style is very repetitive and obvious: you hear about the experiencs of a person who is struggling with areas of their life, they get taught how to apply appropriate boundaries, and you then hear about how much better their life is now that they apply the principles we have taught them.

All of which is to say that the book grates on some people's nerves. But don't let this put you off: whatever the problems of culture and style, the content is relevant and vital. If you are not applying these principles, this book could be one of the most important you will ever read; and if you are, it will help you understand why your life is so much better than most of the people around you - and how to help them take control of their lives.
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Format: Hardcover
This book is what "self-help" books should be! Not only does it clearly define what boundaries are, but it clearly explains how they are developed (or not developed), and how having boundaries (or the lack thereof) affects every area of our lives. If you aren't sure you understand what boundaries are (much less how to have them in your life), this book is for you. If you have been going through life feeling that something is missing, but you can't quite figure out what's wrong, this book may change your life forever! I know it changed mine! It's much more than just learning when to say "yes" and when to say "no". It's about knowing what defines you as individual. While it emphasizes accepting responsibility for yourself -- your thoughts, actions, feelings -- it is by no means a "pull yourself up by your own bootstraps" kind of book! It truly is one of the best blends of Christianity and clinical psychology I have ever read!
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Format: Hardcover
I have worked as a jail chaplain for almost twenty years and this book has been both an inspiration and a clarifier. Not only is it important for me to set clear boundaries in the work place with inmates, but because of the nature of the work on my personal life, I've needed to set countless boundaries in my relationship with people who don't understand my love and concern for the incarcerated. I have asked all of my volunteers to read the book also because we've used it as a teaching tool for inmates, most of whom have never learned how to set boundaries. We have found it most helpful in dealing with battered and abused women, as well as those needing anger management. Because the text is filled with biblical principles, I believe it is in line with what God chooses for us, but allows us to make the choice for ourselves. Personally, I also have children and grandchildren and I'm using the guidelines to create a place of harmony in my home. Thank you, Drs. Cloud and Townsend for giving us a user friendly guide to boundaries and the happiness they give.
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