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Customer Reviews

4.2 out of 5 stars
34
4.2 out of 5 stars
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on 3 June 1998
This to me is one of the best books ever written on boundaries and relationships. Talks of the structure of a person's boundaries, ways to know where your boundaries are, the necessity of having boundaries within your relationships. Written with sensitivity and love. Anything further that I could say about this book would fall short of its quality. I consider this a must read for anyone from any kind of dysfunctional background, especially those struggling with boundary issues.
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VINE VOICEon 10 February 2004
For those coming out of relationships that went wrong, and for those still in them, this book sets invaluable ground rules. It helps you to understand the dynamics of a healthy relationship. Best of all, the book guides you towards setting your own boundaries: a wonderful confidence builder! As a previous reviewer said, the text contains swathes of academic content, which can be hard work, but each point is neatly summarised and explained in plain English also.
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on 11 April 2011
First, my criticisms:

The omission of pertinent information in favour of referencing books by the same author annoyed me. This is a common tactic employed by academics to improve their income, and Whitfield appears to be no exception in this regard.

I also found the references to God annoying. Although the author attempts to encompass other views by use of the phrases "Higher Power" and "God of your understanding", this feels to be a dated Abrahamic religious viewpoint. Atheists, Hindus, Bhuddists, Spiritual but not religious viewpoints don't accord with this view, for example.

Overall, I found this an interesting if dated read that describes some negative relationship patterns that I had hitherto not been very aware of, and so has raised my awareness and ability to handle them better in the future. The relationship with present day behaviour and childhood experience was also valuable for me. It was also a good read for getting a better overview of relationship advice from an historical perspective.
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on 15 January 2007
I cannot recommend this book highly enough! I had this book for a few years, and last year I eventually got around to reading it. The timing was perfect, due to a friendship that had become unhealthy. It showed that even being over boundaried can also be a boundary violation, as that can block another person's autonomy. I personally found it very clear and concise.
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I really liked this book for the first few pages, I liked the way it was written and explained things until it brought in god...... How can you justify something by just saying because god made people??? I can not use that in my Uni essay. I am not happy with this.
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on 11 July 2006
a very clear and well thought out book about how boundariesw work, and how we get confused as our boudaries and violated and how to recover a true sense of who we are, and where we stop and others start. valuable book
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on 18 February 1999
The material presented by Whitfield is really good. I'm sure it will help many people. Unfortunately, he doesn't seem to be able to decide whether he's writing to an academic audience or to people seeking self-help.
If this book was re-written as a self help guidebook or an academic textbook, it would be much better. Right now, it seems like it doesn't serve either audience particularly well.
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on 6 January 2013
I found it a jargon book in places and the repeated attempts to sell the other auther's books to me can be iritating. I would get into the flow of reading it and then it would become generalised, or say go to chapter so so, or see this on page so and so, it was a hard read at times. I wanted it to refresh my memory on the earlier or later points.

This was my first book on boundaries on relationships and found it not an easy read.
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on 29 January 2008
I read the author's book on "Healing the Child within" and was impressed by the simplicity and sensical nature of his thoughts and work paradigm regarding the inner child. I bought this book because I sensed a text on boundaries would do me good at many levels. It has.

A book like this is a good reference point for anyone who has/is experiencing problems with their own boundaries and those of others. The author's ideas work for all kinds of relationships and environments as it helps readers identify those limits that feel right and work effectively in their lives.

It is concise and straight to the point about matters such as projection, "dumping personal issues" onto others, and stepping on people's inner lives.
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on 4 May 2013
This is a good, informative book, but not what I was hoping for (which obviously doesn't stop it being good or informative hence the ****). The author is a dr whose focus is on psychoanalysis and co-dependency, a lot of his anecdotes are about people going through psychoanalysis while I wanted more of a self-help style book. He talks about projection and a great deal about co-dependency, frequently referring to his other books (which is a bit like having commercial breaks in the middle of paragraphs). Having said that I have learned something about boundaries and will be able to apply it in my life - hopefully for its betterment.
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