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Assault of the Sasquatch [DVD] [2009] [US Import]

5.0 out of 5 stars 1 customer review

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£6.59 In stock. Dispatched from and sold by RAREWAVES USA.

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Product details

  • Format: NTSC
  • Language: English
  • Region: Region 1 (US and Canada DVD formats.)
  • Number of discs: 1
  • Classification: Unrated (US MPAA rating. See details.)
  • Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (1 customer review)
  • ASIN: B003VC6EZO
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 62,917 in DVD & Blu-ray (See Top 100 in DVD & Blu-ray)

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What a great low budget movie I really enjoyed this
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews on Amazon.com (beta)

Amazon.com: HASH(0x988b5ab0) out of 5 stars 17 reviews
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
By Tom C. - Published on Amazon.com
Format: DVD
Don't believe the 5 star ratings here folks. This movie is bad. I'd say it may be one step above those straight to video releases you used to see in the 90's. In other words, production values are a little higher here, but the acting is majorly bad. Extremely amatuer. The sasquatch moves like a human and not very sasquatch like at all. He moves like he drank too much Red Bull. At least Bigfoot movies from years ago that were bad, tried to have a story that kept your interest. This is nothing but high octane junk that spouts out every cliche in the book. You've seen it all before, trust me. Yawn! TC
6 of 8 people found the following review helpful
HASH(0x988eaa98) out of 5 stars Very Weak B Movie!!!! 9 Nov. 2010
By The Movie Guy - Published on Amazon.com
Format: DVD
Well, let me first start off by saying that this movie could have been alot better if the company would have shelled out more money for better actors. The story in itself was okay, but the acting by EVERYONE IN THE MOVIE, WAS 100% HORRIFIC! I don't know where they picked these guys up from, but I could find better actors on the street. Upon reading some reviews of others on Youtube and Amazon, I see that the movie also starred a couple of youtube video reviewers by the name of MJ Kelly, and Shawn Phillips. Okay, well that pretty much says it all. What normal person cast youtube personalities to star in a film? These 2 guys tried their best, which is all good and well....but you can see that they have no originality to their style. MJ Kelly has an acting style of Andy Dick and Shawn Philips, tries really hard to imitate Chris Farley. They gave it a shot, but I really dont forsee any actors in this movie, having any career. Just my opinion
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
HASH(0x99bdb8d0) out of 5 stars A Historic Low Point In The Skunk Ape Genre 11 Jan. 2016
By Robert I. Hedges - Published on Amazon.com
Format: DVD Verified Purchase
I have seen a lot of skunk ape movies, and while some are decent most are laughably bad but enjoyable as cheesy entertainment. "Assault of the Sasquatch" (also known as "Sasquatch Assault") is absolutely deplorable when viewed as a serious creature feature, a comedy, or a cheesy guilty pleasure because it doesn't know what it wants to be. There are tons of characters who take their roles painfully seriously in a "junior high school drama club" way, while there are pointless intentionally comedic inserts, mostly from two nerds, Don and Murph, who are charter members of the "Sasquatch Society" (they have the membership cards to prove it) who run around filming the urban sasquatch and asking random people if they also saw the Bigfoot. I cannot overemphasize how painful this subplot is: when it's finally over via grisly deaths you'll just breathe a sigh of relief, though the one genuinely funny moment of the whole film is a nerd skewering with a "Dead End" sign.

The film starts with ridiculously long (almost eight minutes) opening credits while the story lumbers to life with some bear poachers baiting a trap with pizza. I bet you can't guess what they catch! After a struggle, the most amoral and grizzled poacher, Drake (Kevin Shea), who brings a constantly over-the-top mania to the film, is brought in by a couple of rangers and he's taken to a small police station in the nearby city. Let me just say that the acting here is absolutely terrible, the dialogue is amazingly hackneyed, and the backstories are pointless, convoluted, and incredibly contrived. The film has a lot of characters (so many that I actually had trouble keeping up with the character names, though I was in a boredom-induced stupor) and loads of needless interpersonal conflicts many of which are only marginally sensible. The exposition involved in getting the various plotlines exposed is painfully protracted, but just remember that it doesn't matter anyway. There's even a teen romance and stupider than normal love triangle in case you were worried.

Please let me reiterate again that the dialogue is frequently excruciating with perhaps the best line in film being "They misspelled ketchup!" but prepare yourself for some real howlers, mostly delivered by Drake taunting the sasquatch, for instance when he's brandishing a knife and yells "Come out...it's time to dance!", or before engaging in a fistfight with the skunk ape while screaming "You want me? Let's see what you got, hairball!" Groan. Rarely have I been as tempted to turn off a movie and throw the DVD in the trash, though I ultimately did have to watch it in multiple viewing sessions over two days.

Getting back to the action, Bigfoot hitches a ride to the police station in Drake's truck, and starts his urbanization by breaking into a greenhouse. Not being content with observing foliage, it turns out Bigfoot wants to see other things; you see he's a peeping sasquatch. Yes, Bigfoot watches a woman showering (and ultimately kills her fully dressed dog), and discovers that he's fascinated by brassieres and likes terrible rap music. Fortunately Don and Murph are on the scene with their video camera and temporarily distract the viewer from the slightly less unentertaining things going on in the film. The action then shifts to the police station, where it remains for the bulk of the film. I will not spoil the intricate backstory contrivances leading to the ridiculous brawl in the station and the hostage taking and murder flashback that explains so many things that, believe me, you won't care about. The salient scene setup is Drake is in one cell and the caricature big-talking tough guy petty criminal, Colletti (Alex Exum), who was arrested for a traffic offense (despite being a murderer, hint, hint...) in the other, bantering and posturing pointlessly at great length. That Colletti would be willing to murder one side of the love triangle with scissors and escape while executing a wholly predictable double-cross will likely not surprise many viewers, nor will it surprise anyone that the entire armory of the station consists of guns sitting on shelves in the open.

Let me try to recall the characters who are now converging on this urban police station: there's the murderous thug, Colletti, who is now heavily armed; the nerds; the rangers; a cop whose wife was killed by Colletti; his daughter Jess, who is a spoiled brat because he's overprotective; his daughter's boyfriend, who sprays mace at the Bigfoot (which proved the most effective defense in the film) before being killed by Bigfoot hurling rocks and car tires at him; crazy poacher Drake; and of course the titular skunk ape. Oh, and there's the police station receptionist (or something) who is a hot blonde switchblade enthusiast, who is also a former street-smart exotic dancer of course. I may have forgotten someone in this unwieldy ensemble, but you get the point: there are a lot of characters and a lot of different conflicts in myriad subplots. In short there is a lot going on here, it's too bad that exactly none of it is interesting. I'm also going to point out that most of the characters spend most of the time in the police station, which you'll recall is in a city, acting as if they were trapped yet not a single one seems to remember they have cellphones to, you know, call for help. They also have vehicles to, you know, drive away. Instead of that they decide to engage in various brawls in the dark for the better part of an hour. Two key things to watch for: the blonde challenging Bigfoot with a switchblade and shield (it goes well), and Colletti's terrifying sasquatch encounter. At least he's out of the picture! Sasquatch has time to get around to surrounding locations at one point saving a woman from an abusive killer with a crescent wrench at the last second. (So is he a hero or an antihero? I'm so confused.) Because Colletti was able to take all the guns from the station armory, the cops just decide to free Drake (he's a bad guy, remember?) and they go into the evidence room to arm themselves. My favorite part of this is when the loving cop-dad gives his daughter a paring knife for defense against the sasquatch. Priceless.

At this point you're probably thinking "I wonder what pretense they could use to work some incredibly amateurish ATV riding stunts into this film?" All will be revealed! It's to distract the Bigfoot while the remainder of the cast escapes into the sewers! This gives way to lots of walking around in the dark punctuated by vacuous dialogue like "Sometimes you do stupid things in a state of panic" (I admit watching this movie was a stupid thing to do, but I was not panicked when I did so), and plaintive whining from Jess like "Krystle? Amy? Big scary man?" This movie makes "Scooby Doo" seem scary. The practical upshot is the cast wanders around in various combinations and much drama ensues for what seems like eternity, but nothing much really happens. Oh wait! Surprise! Colletti's back! There is no way you saw that coming, I bet. After taking the middle third of the movie off after his sasquatch altercation, he's back to avenge the death of his brother at the hands of cop-dad (long story, don't ask). This, of course, involves Jess to nobody's surprise. I won't spoil how that all plays out, but don't worry it's going to get confusing again really quick.

What develops is a four-way brawl between cop-dad, Colletti, Drake, and Bigfoot. Each brings strengths and unique fighting styles to the grudge match. This has multiple twists and turns which I frankly can't recall, but nothing gets accomplished quickly. Oh, wait! Did I mention the Upperclass British Twit? Yeah, he arrives with a crossbow to make sense of all this. He wants to buy the Bigfoot, you see, and oh, wait, never mind, he's dead. I do give Drake style points for his climactic fight with Bigfoot: I never would have thought of using a nail gun to nail him to the floor. Thank goodness that fully fueled chainsaw is at easy arm's length! I won't tell you how it ends, but I am several thousand percent sure that you already know anyway. Not knowing when to leave well enough alone is not a hallmark of "Assault of the Sasquatch" and that has never been truer than the ending, which involves a particularly grating "Eyewitness News" framing device.

I know I've hurled a lot of invective at this movie but there is just so much to loathe here. The acting is atrocious; the script is incredibly contrived with groanworthy dialogue, and the fact that it's unclear what the film is trying to be as a half-horror, half-comedic spoof of the genre makes this simply a chore to watch. Of all the cinematic sins displayed here though, the biggest is utter lack of focus: there are so many characters with so many ponderous interpersonal conflicts that it's impossible to care about anything or anyone.

But just when I thought I was done, I saw there were extras. I give the producers credit for providing a full suite of bonus features, and amazingly their quality is just as good as the movie! First off, there is a commentary track that I found stultifying. I finally reached my breaking point and couldn't bear to watch the entire thing again as the commentary was just as boring as the film and wasn't interesting from a technical point of view either. (I really did try.) There's a trailer that's reasonably well done: just watch the trailer and skip the movie, it's got all the good parts in it anyway. There's also a trailer for "Banshee!!!" which looks better than this to be sure. There are a load of bloopers that are mostly boring and despite the fact that I normally enjoy bloopers, outtakes, and alternate scenes I found these to be a waste of time. There's a "Don & Murph Behind the Scenes" featurette and if anything it's even more painful than their actual scenes in the movie. It's fairly long and lets you see them riding a train. It lets you see them getting snacks. And it lets you see Shawn C. Phillips ("Don") give us a tour of the bathroom in the train, which tops my list of things I never wanted to see. If that wasn't enough, just to rub some salt into the wound, there's the "'Booty Poppin'' Music Video" which is genuinely one of the worst things I have ever seen.

"Assault of the Sasquatch" is not a camp classic. It is not so bad it's good. It is not funny. It is not scary. It is the most relentlessly uncharming Bigfoot movie I can recall in at least a decade. If you think you can watch any bad movie and glean a kernel of enjoyment from even the worst of the worst, here's a challenge for you.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
HASH(0x988edeac) out of 5 stars If John Carpenter Were Dead, He'd Be Rolling In His Grave 2 Oct. 2011
By Stanley Runk - Published on Amazon.com
Format: DVD
Cult film fans will no doubt understand the "assault" aspect of the title shortly into the film as this movie is basically Assault on Precinct 13 with a sasquatch. This means a small band of criminals, cops and civilians are trapped inside a police station while a rampaging sasquatch keeps them from escaping. Sounds good in theory, but it really isn't. Very home movie type look which makes it look quite dark at some points. Also there is a pointless and unfunny side plot with two film nerds who see the sasquatch and spend the remainder of the film tracking the sasquatch in hopes of catching it again on camera. Seems like every horror film is required to have some "cinema verite" moment(s), and here it's the two film nerds interviewing people on the street, asking them if they've seen the sasquatch. One of the nerds is an obnoxious and extremely unfunny cliched obese goofball who is in constant hysterics.
There's a tad bit of gore throughout, but nothing special. The sasquatch is a huge letdown, it looks like Rob Zombie in a gorilla suit.
One horrendous scene has a woman going into hand to hand combat with the sasquatch, and it's done in that speed up/slow down/whoosh-whooosh style that was tacky when The Matrix did it, yet Hollywood film makers insist on using it for every action movie anymore. Now, as bad as it looks in a larger budget movie, just imagine how this technique looks on a microbudgeted movie. I'm sure it was done for humor, but that really doesn't matter because it's not funny.
Hopefully we won't be seeing Big Sasquatch In Little China any time soon.
2 of 3 people found the following review helpful
HASH(0x988ef060) out of 5 stars Worst Bigfoot Movie. Ever! 21 Jun. 2012
By Jack-O-Lantern - Published on Amazon.com
Format: DVD
Wow! What a turd! I LOVE cheesy Bigfoot films, but this one was painfully terrible. A group of community players or the drama club from a local junior college could have given better performances, and the Bigfoot costume looked like a cheap gorilla suit (although they get props for the Sasquatch's face, which was pretty darn good). Oh, they also get props for trying to go with an original plot -- usually Bigfoot films are pretty much a pissed off Sasquatch tramping around in the woods. Moving it to an urban setting at least showed that the writers tried to come up with something original. Too bad that (and the cool monster face makeup) wasn't enough to save this terrible thing.

The worst part of this movie was the pair of idiots who stumble around looking for the Sasquatch. The fat screaming one was especially annoying and after about ten minutes I wanted to kill him, myself!

Avoid this one at all costs, unless you are into self-abuse and want to waste an hour and a half of your life.
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