on 11 November 2003
I found this book very informative, it covers an a multitude of issues confronted by those who are either in the process of or have adopted.The writer chats with people about there own experiences and then conveys them to the reader.It explains problem which may arise within household situations concerning an adoptive child i.e not bonding,childs clingliness,angry etc.I would therefore recommend this book to anyone who is thinking about adoption.I found it very helpful and full of advice.
on 17 May 2010
We are in the process of adopting now so I am reading as much as I can about the subject.
The reason this book is useful is because the author has interviewed people who adopted children 20yrs ago or more so the children are now grown up and the adoptive parents are looking back and telling how it was for them. I felt quite deflated after reading this book - I read it cover to cover and perhaps it would have been better to dip in and out. There were short passages about actual things that had happened to families but very often there was no resolution and I wanted to hear what happened to them in the end but the stories weren't really finished. They were just snipets and anecdotes but no real resolutions to difficult situations. Perhaps because there weren't any?
Some of it is quite distressing reading because some adopted children, mostly those adopted over 12months, had disrupted and quite difficult lives - mainly to do with the fact they never really got over their past experiences of hurt and rejection. There were many happy stories though of children who had gone on to have happy and productive lives and who had strong bonds with their adoptive parents.
The most disappointing thing about this book is that there is nothing upbeat about it in terms of how to tackle the quite serious problems that arose. But maybe that it is because the author is just telling it how it is and there is not really a right and a wrong way to address these issues. I was waiting for the end chapter to sum up the book with some helpful advice and some uplifting stories, giving adopters of the future some hope that although adoption can be hard for both sides there is hope. But that wasn't the case - there was hardly any advice about how the parents dealt with quite severe difficulties - but maybe that's because they just got on with it in their own way.
So, it's a good book in terms of warning the reader of how difficult adoption can be - but it's not a happy read!