tiptoes (DVD) [ italian import ]

How_in_the_world did this movie get made? This movie is without a doubt and without reservation the worst movie I've EVER seen. I mean consider the premise--husband of attractive NY couple is the only big person in a family of little people. Wife gets pregnant; are they going to have a lizard baby? or a little person? or what? And the title, "Tip Toes" (with the classic running line that only hollywood could write "Because sometimes its the little things that count.") Is that title because the husband tip toes around the secret? Or because everyone has to stand on tip toes? Or what?

How bad is it? It was so bad that the only reason I can think this movie was created was as a result of a lawsuit in hollywood, and one of the terms was to create a movie employing all the little people they could round up. It was so bad that it was actually outclassed by another movie we rented -- a shark movie starring Lorenzo Lamas called "Dark Waters". Yes, consider the implication of that statement: a shark movie that blew all it's budget hiring Lorenzo Lamas and so didn't_actually_include_sharks (even CG ones, or heaven forbit ones that creatively munched unsuspecting B actors) was better than Tip Toes.

My wife tried to argue that the premise "sounded interesting" and that it failed on execution. No no no no no. There were two justifiable paths this could have gone down, but inexplicably chose not to -- as an afterschool special called "Johnny's got a little secret", or as a David Lynch movie in which John Malkovich and maybe Laura Dern should also have shown up as little people along with Gary Oldman. How embarrassing this must have been to work on. Surely Gary must have had a moment half way through when he had to slap himself and ask why he was here. I can also only imagine Michael Caine when reading the script would have said, "Not this one, mate."

Not this one indeed. Please. For the love of all that is good and noble in cinema, skip seeing this movie.

After reading the case, I rented this at Blockbuster based on the top-notch cast and what sounded like a good, cute, funny plot. Tiptoes is none of those things.

The acting was bad and that was surprising given the cast. I could not feel any sort of connection between Matthew McConaughey and Kate Beckinsale - much less that they could be living together and expecting a child.

Gary Oldman is painful to watch - he hobbles around cramped into a dwarf outfit. Very Dorf-ish.

And I have no idea what Peter Dinklage and Patricia Arquette added to the movie. They seem like they are from a completely different movie.

The acting seems like it was done in one take. It was very painful trying to make it through 90 minutes of this trainwreck. All and all, a total disaster.

From the box, this film looked interesting, and I've always liked Kate Beckinsale (plus it had some other big names, so I figured it couldn't be too bad), so I thought I'd get it. Gary Oldman's character seems to have two emotions: grumpy and sweet. Matthew McConaughey is always pissed about something, Patricia Arquette and her boyfriend have no real reason for even being in the movie, and there are so many plot holes it's distracting. It was a waste of my time and money.