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Customer Review

51 of 54 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars This is the book after the movie, 4 Mar. 2013
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This review is from: The Crucifix Killer (Paperback)
Some wonderful books get made into films, and we despair at the quality; wailing about how much was left out and the lack of depth. Well, Chris Carter has bypassed the "write a brilliant book and hope it gets made into a film" nonsense and gone straight for a ready made film script and plot. It's all there; the blood, guts, and gore; some excrutiating dialogue - including some classics such as, "Just make sure you get the bastard/sonofabitch/evil (something or other)" and various reworkings thereof; lots of beautiful people that have no character or depth who we don't care one jot about (I have read all the books and still cannot get a picture of what Hunter, Garcia, et al look like or experience any feelings towards them other than wondering if Hunter is how Chris Carter imagines himself); make sure at least one of the good guys gets badly hurt or killed and then end with good triumphing over evil and the killer getting caught.

And yet here I am giving it four stars and buying another one. Why? Because it's like eating a bag of Skittles.

Skittles have no nutritional quality whatsoever; they rot your teeth and play havoc with your waistline, but they flash with great colours, taste good, are easy to handle and digest, and are scoffed in ten minutes. You think you won't eat them again but then you see another bag...

Chris ends each chapter with a 'cliffhanger' and you just HAVE to turn the page to see what's next but more often than not he keeps you waiting, and you have to read more chapters to find out. In the meantime, three more cliff hangers have been set up and you are desperate to find the answers to those too! On it goes.

All the books are pure, unadulterated, addictive drivel; enjoyable light relief from the intellectual and clever things that we would like others to think that we read. They are the treat "as part of an otherwise healthy diet". And how many of us stick to that?!
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Tracked by 2 customers

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Showing 1-10 of 14 posts in this discussion
Initial post: 3 Dec 2014 14:20:45 GMT
PJ Sturdee says:
Brilliant review, not about the book (about which I've learnt nothing, but there are several hundred that can do that), but because it's made me laugh. Know nothing about you but you sir (or madam) should write books yourself.

In reply to an earlier post on 3 Dec 2014 20:51:54 GMT
Well that's very kind of you thank you. My friends have often said I should write a book about my life but unfortunately the old adage of "the truth is often stranger than fiction" applies! One day maybe when I can find the self discipline or a patient ghost writer.

Posted on 11 Feb 2015 13:54:02 GMT
Ghost Writer says:
I was going to write a review but decided I can't really top this one.

Having just finishing the Crucifix Killer I totally get where you're coming from and yes, I have just started reading his second book.

Damn Skittles...

In reply to an earlier post on 14 Feb 2015 09:49:12 GMT
Thank you for your kind comments - I promise the books are all well and truly "Skittled" ! Enjoy!

In reply to an earlier post on 16 Feb 2015 09:36:43 GMT
Last edited by the author on 16 Feb 2015 09:37:50 GMT
Ghost Writer says:
Sorry, I can't take any more.

I forgave the author for his first book because all new writers deserve a pat on the head but after just finishing the second book I think his head probably needs a full frontal lobotomy.

I have his third book sitting on my desk and don't know if I should burn it or read it out of sheer morbid curiosity.

Any advice? I'm not sure if I can take a third dose of stupid. :-(

In reply to an earlier post on 16 Feb 2015 14:04:41 GMT
Oh you have my deepest sympathy Ghost! The trouble is, they all start to blur together and I cannot now remember which is which! What I can tell you is that they do not improve; in fact one sticks out as being particularly bad: The Death Sculptor. The dialogue is so excruciating that I physically winced at times. I admit that my 'morbid curiosity' has now faded and I can't bear to read any more of them but if the curiosity is there Ghost, it must be satisfied...go know you want know it will hurt...but you can't help yourself.... but 'this too shall pass' ;-) Let me know when you are ready to burn them and I will send the matches!

In reply to an earlier post on 16 Feb 2015 17:59:46 GMT
PJ Sturdee says:
Read some Christopher Brookmyre instead, or Jim Crace. Both outstandingly good, far better than this guy by the sounds of it (thankfully I've never had the pleasure)

Posted on 18 Feb 2015 03:50:55 GMT
Ghost Writer says:
All is lost.

I absentmindedly started skimming through The Night Stalker while eating my cornflakes and well, you know how it goes.

After some dude gets wasted by the ol' grenade-sewn-in-the-vagina trick I now feel compelled to follow through to the end which I know is just waiting to suck.

I must have some sort of condition to do this to myself. I don't know what it is but if you don't hear from me again it probably means I've been institutionalised and I'm currently sitting in a padded cell, drooling over my straightjacket while my friends and family ask "Why? Why did he do it!"

If I make it through this with my sanity intact I intend to take these books back to the "friend" who lent them to me. I will then make her dig three little book-sized graves and we will have a ceremony to bring some closure to this whole sordid mess.

I often thought about writing a book and I must say Chris Carter gives me hope. My attitude is if he can get published then so can I. All I need now is a team of blindfolded monkeys hacking away in a room full of typewriters. Once they finish their masterpiece I'll just remove any original plot ideas, simplify the dialogue, rip off some movies (Seven and Saw spring to mind) and then cut out any big words. How hard can it be?

Anyway, I've dived in for more. If I don't resurface it is most probably by choice.

PS Thanks Sturdee for the suggestions. I'll give them a go and hopefully they can restore my view of the universe.

In reply to an earlier post on 21 Feb 2015 18:36:15 GMT
Ah Ghost, I knew you wouldn't be able to resist (sends reassuring hug)! It will all be over soon don't worry and you will rise again like the proverbial phoenix from the ashes of your choices to read proper books again! But then again, does it matter? We don't have to succumb to the snobbery of 'good and bad books'. Enjoy the variety, whether it's Great Expectations,Harry Potter, War and Peace, Crime and Punishment, The Beano or The Crucifix Killer, if it provides entertainment and something to talk about, I can live with it. Hope you are well, let me know where to send the "Get Well Soon" card!

Posted on 4 Mar 2015 03:09:06 GMT
Ghost Writer says:
I feel dirty and ashamed...

I knew what I was in for but I just had to do it, much like a junkie taking another poisonous hit.

After reading Chris Carter's third book I seem to have emerged from the ordeal with my sanity intact however I will look back on this experience as the "dark period" in my reading life.

To be fair, the third book was written slightly better than the previous two and the plot was mildly intriguing for a while. As expected, it all went pear-shaped about two-thirds of the way through when the author started dropping hints about the killer's motivations and what he was "projecting" on his victims. From that point on you just knew this book was headed for disaster. Not a small disaster like the Titanic or World War II, but a great big get-the-hell-out-of-here disaster like the asteroid that killed all the dinosaurs.

I thought about tearing the story to shreds but what would be the point? It would be like complaining about the nutritional value of a Big Mac. People be like, "You bought a Big Mac, you knew it was a Big Mac, now eat the damn Big Mac! Get rid of the waste in your own time." Sound advice I reckon.

I like to think I'm a stronger person for having made my way through three of these books but only time will tell. I'm certainly not chasing another serve of psycho-waffle and hopefully I'll never encounter another Chris Carter book for the rest of my life. If I was waiting for hours in a doctor's office and the only thing to read was a Chris Carter book I would probably take a look at the eye chart. No doubt it would make more sense.

Thanks for the moral support. We may meet again one day if our reading worlds collide. Until that glorious day, I wish you all the best.
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