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Customer Review

9,035 of 9,340 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Oh the shame...., 3 July 2012
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)
After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly succesful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit of a treat.
I ordered it well in advance and working in the North sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn't have long to wait.
At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg. Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned .
Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the drawer for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon.I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so.I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found it's way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running it's engines behind me.
This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain. The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before.
Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering..." Ooooh that feels good ". Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn't heard her come in it caused an involutary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status...So to sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect...:)
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Comments

Tracked by 43 customers

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Showing 1-10 of 579 posts in this discussion
Initial post: 3 Jul 2012 16:06:02 BDT
jenny says:
I was crying with laughter, much to the concern of my boss. Brilliant writing

In reply to an earlier post on 3 Jul 2012 18:58:37 BDT
A. Chappell says:
Thanks Jenny...It took me ages to write as I was crying when I wrote it and as for the video review...I'll give that a miss :)

In reply to an earlier post on 3 Jul 2012 20:12:12 BDT
[Deleted by the author on 7 Jul 2012 22:27:15 BDT]

Posted on 4 Jul 2012 01:07:29 BDT
Brilliant! Very very funny! Bad news for Veet though. I laughed my cock off so I won't be needing any of their product.

In reply to an earlier post on 7 Jul 2012 13:16:42 BDT
Last edited by the author on 7 Jul 2012 13:18:17 BDT
PuterMan says:
Get a life Mrs. Jean Beveridge!

Posted on 12 Jul 2012 21:58:21 BDT
S. Watters says:
Thank you for making me laugh till tears ran down my face. I will never be able to look at a sprout again lol.

Posted on 13 Jul 2012 19:09:41 BDT
I can hardly see through the tears what a star.

Posted on 19 Jul 2012 17:59:22 BDT
D. S. Sample says:
Outrageous ! very funny

Posted on 21 Jul 2012 19:40:06 BDT
Oh so funny.. Crying with laughter. Im sticking to my Gillette Mach 3. Thank you for making me laugh. Regards - Mike.

Posted on 23 Jul 2012 22:56:40 BDT
Easterchick says:
Oh my lord. I had read all the other reviews so far and thought that surely they couldn't get any funnier. Your review made me literally howl with laughter - I am still wiping the tears off my face! Brilliant - I will never be able to look a sprout in the face again.
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