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The Armstrong and Miller Show - Series 1 - 3 Box Set [DVD],
This review is from: The Armstrong and Miller Show - Series 1 - 3 Box Set [DVD] (DVD)
This new box set from Armstrong and Miller is totally rad and stuff, isn't it though? Like, with all these characters dressing up and wearing women's clothes and everything, and they're all well funny, they look like two old ladies but it's really these two posh blokes, and I could like totally tell that they were really just men pretending to be women, because they had big hairy arms.
And they're all like `Don't take that tone with me, young man!' and `It's kicking off, Pru!' And then they're like totally smashing the place up, and they're chucking this total geek-wad out of the window. And it's a vegetarian café or something, and they've got quiche and salad and all that veggie food, isn't it?
That's all right for that Paul McCartney bloke who was in the Rolling Stones or whatever, but I'm all like, `You can't make me eat that tomato, it's against my Human Rights and everything, and you can look that up on the internet, and it says so. It does.'
And then there's this old historian guy, or something, and he's giving it all of that `This exquisite tapestry was created for the Eleventh Earl of Mar in 1715, and its current value would be beyond measure. It truly is one of the finest examples of early Scottish weft-weaving remaining in existence. The detailed stitching you can see here would have been undertaken by some of the finest seamstresses in the land, who possibly spent many, many years of arduous labour producing this magnificent work of art. Should it ever be offered for sale at auction - and that's not very likely, hmm, hmm! It would easily fetch a sum in excess of two million pounds.'
And then he walks away from the tapestry. And he's totally caught the thread on his jacket button and ripped it to bits, man.
This other guy that they are doing is like your Dad and that, who is thinking he is down with the kids and stuff, and he's dancing at raves and buying Es and Whiz or something from this geezer. And then this geezer says something like, `Oh, hello sir. I was at primary school with your daughter, remember? What are you doing here?'
And then the Fuzz are coming through the door and saying, `Alright, ladies and gentlemen, this is a Police investigation. If you will all co-operate with us, we will be able to release you shortly.'
And this Old Clubber guy tries to give the dude his pills back, and he's all, `Don't give that to me, man, I don't want it.'
And the Old Clubber has to get rid off all these tablets. So he necks them all, and then he's giving it all `Wooooh! Woooooh!'
And he's at the railway station the next day to get his train to work, and these two railway guys are having to hold him up. And he's grabbing the intercom and shouting, `Woooooh! Wooooooh!' on the PA system. Well `nuff.
This other person they are doing is called Frank Dad, and he is just too forthcoming with the info when his young son that he sees at weekends asks `Dad, why do all the other boys at school keep picking on me?'
And this guy goes `Is that why you've been looking so down in the dumps, fella? Well, look - everybody has their own special talents and their own best things that they can do. Some of the boys in your class are probably best at science and maths. And other boys are really good at sports, like football, and swimming.'
And this little boy is starting to cheer up, like.
And then the Dad goes `But you're none of those things. You're not really any good at anything. So, when all your friends grow up and go on to study at university and college, and then get themselves good jobs with lots of money, and they have a great time with all their friends...
Well, you'll probably be lucky if you get a job collecting the trolleys at the local supermarket. And, as I was saying, you'll be very lucky indeed if you get a job at all. That's because you're the thicko. And it's your place to be on the bottom rung of the ladder of society.
While all your friends will be off ski-ing in Switzerland, or buying a big house to live in with their attractive girlfriends, you'll probably be more like one of those scruffy old men you see wandering around the park. Yes, just like that man over there. Come on champ - I'll race you to the swings!'
This other guy I like is sort of the Boss of these secret agents, and they are always in the middle of some big counter-terrorism operation or something. And they're giving it all that Jason Bourne, Spooks-stuff like `GCHQ reports activity from the target area. We have an AWACs in the air, and ground support. We're just waiting for authorization from NSA before we can give the go code to SO14. All departments stand by.'
And then this bloke comes in the door and unplugs their computer. And he goes `I think we can all finish up early today, don't you? You've all been working far too hard on this counter terror op. It'll still be there on Monday - you can finish the work then.'
And the spies are all `But sir! We've been tracking Carlos for three years now. We were just about to launch armed Predator craft in from Kraplansky. We've run Carlos down after God knows how many unsuccessful attempts.'
And the Boss is like `What are you workaholics like? Come on - the taxis are waiting. And - there's a two-for-one offer on at Friday's. I'll buy the banana milk-shakes!'