29 of 36 people found the following review helpful
This review is from: Battleship [DVD]  (DVD)
having looked forward to seeing this for ages I finally got around to watching it. All I can say is what a MASSIVE disappointment it was.
First off, The Good things:
The special effects were mind blowingly awesome, some of the alien ships and weapons were just fantastic and looked so real on screen. And that's it!
The Bad things: Almost everything else, the script was laughable, it stole almost every cliche in the book and used them all 5 times. The dialogue was ridiculous, some of the (edited for a 12 certificate) one liners were beyond belief. The acting was attrocious for a big budget Hollywood blockbuster. Rhianna being the biggest culprit, whoever thought this girl could act needs to go see a doctor, she was awful. They also used several real life Navy veterans in the film all of which, were as wooden as an average shelf and even the old masters like Liam Neeson and Peter Macnicol were given so little screen time, they may as well not have been there.
Some of the scenes in the film were so bad they defy description. The scene where the real life Navy vets were introduced, standing at the various points on the USS Missourri is one of the corniest scenes ever put onto film. The fight scene with the real life Navy commander, (the one with the metal legs) and the 8ft armour clad alien, just has to be seen to be believed. it had me wincing with embarrasment. And lets not even talk about the scene where the captain tells his crew to drop one anchor to make the ship skid (Yes skid) out of the way of a barrage of missiles coming thier way. I swear, I thought I was a stigmatic because my eyes literally bled at that scene.
The aliens in the film are a million times more advanced than the humans and yet, they are completely devoid of any intelligence. I swear, some of the stupid things these beings do and some of the things they fall for are ridiculous.
And as for thier weapons, they constantly use rubbish weapons (giant cans of beans that explode) which do almost nothing, instead of using these giant razor ball things that are almost unstoppable and cause massive amounts of carnage. If they had used the razor balls all the time they wouldn't have bloody lost.
If the film hadn't have taken itself so seriously it would have made a good comedy.
I really haven't seen a big budget blockbuster this bad since "2012" and I'm hard pushed to decide which one is worse.
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Showing 1-10 of 11 posts in this discussion
Initial post: 27 Dec 2012 18:56:15 GMT
In reply to an earlier post on 28 Dec 2012 03:26:32 GMT
Shut up you friendless spaz, how do I know if I like it if i don't watch it you complete gloit! Go Troll someone else who gives a crap I'm sick of up thier own rectums divvies like YOU
Posted on 5 Jan 2013 08:19:42 GMT
A W DIGGLE says:
Excellent review! I totally agree with the points you make and it is refreshing to have such an intelligent review.
Posted on 10 Feb 2013 20:38:13 GMT
fat man on a bicycle says:
2012 has some redeeming features. This doesn't.
Posted on 14 Jul 2013 00:54:03 BDT
Mr Shh. says:
I agree with your review D.Krol but I still enjoyed the film as a bit of silly entertainment.
In reply to an earlier post on 14 Jul 2013 04:14:37 BDT
Fair enough pal, we all have different tastes bud and that's what reviews are all about. I'm a bit more demanding than you, which I'm not sure is a good or bad thing lol but your comments are welcome as we all have differing views and at least you have the decency to disagree with me in a sensible manor, so respect for that :-)
In reply to an earlier post on 14 Jul 2013 09:07:06 BDT
Mr Shh. says:
The bit where they dropped the anchor and the battleship skidded to the left...I have it under good authority that the Royal Navy are going to start practising that manoeuver after fitting pimped up body kits to all the ships. Lol.
You wrote a decent one star review though as you explained why you didn't like it. A lot of these reviews for various films are illiterate one line rants. The film was full of cliche and improbabilities but I wasn't particularly looking forward to it or expecting anything so that's probably why I could just switch off my brain and enjoy it.
Having said that, I wouldn't watch it again.
In reply to an earlier post on 21 Aug 2013 10:32:25 BDT
Last edited by the author on 21 Aug 2013 10:34:08 BDT
Hi,the trick by using the anchor to strafe the ship in water is as old as the ship we have,it was widely used between 1400-1945 to turn your ship another direction,to sit and read stupid peoples remarks about a movie and then they dont even know anything about military tactis thats a joke and make their reviews to absolutely zero worth,the tactic can be used against a barrage of cannons and also if you are pursited by an enemy and wanna go behind them fast.oldoldoldold trick dangerous used many times
In reply to an earlier post on 21 Aug 2013 11:40:51 BDT
And complete dumberlero's opinions like yours have zero worth in themselves. I can't do with professed plastic "I think I won who want's to be a millionaire" planks like yourself. I have watched countless war based films and documentaries and in my 37 years, I have never seen or heard anything about pulling skids or wheelies in a war ship. But then, being the reincarnation of Albert Einstein, you'd know different. The fact remains, I wrote this review to give my opinion on a film I really did not like, I don't ask for anyone to agree with me, it is simply my personal opinion. If you don't like it, go read another review that makes you feel warmer and fuzzier inside, instead of leaving ridiculous, snotty, comments that make you feel all special and important to yourself. Simples!