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Customer Review

29 of 30 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars An Amazing Book!, 7 Jan. 2011
This review is from: When Hope is Not Enough (Paperback)
I'm currently reading the book 'The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder' by Randi Kreger. This is the first book I've read on the subject & I'm finding it really helpful.
I started to research other books and found the one I'm 'reviewing' on the US Amazon website. There are lots of reviews of the book there and it made me decide to buy it as the reviews are very positive.
So, if you want to read reviews before you buy this book, have a look on the American site.

I've now read the book! Just this minute finished reading it in fact. I have found it so very very helpful, not just with the tools Bon Dobbs gives you for improving your relationship with your BP loved one, but for improving their experience of life. It's a book for being a kinder, more understanding, more enlightened person in all relationships I think.
The first book I read by Randi Kreger (mentioned above) was more about looking after yourself when in a relationship with a BP. Bon Dobbs' book is about looking after them too. He says "a BP's brain is working against them by upsetting the emotional regulation system. It is impossible for a BP NOT to feel those emotions. The emotions are not right or wrong, they just ARE. It is the behaviours that arise from the emotions that can be changed, and that is where we will focus our attention."
The book is very practical and very intelligently and insightfully written, based on years of experience of living with 2 family memebers with BP (wife & young daughter). I am so grateful to the author for so generously sharing his experiences and the ways he's found to improve life for his wife, daughter, the rest of the family & himself.
I have learned so much about why my own loved one developed BPD in the first place and what I can now do to help alleviate some of the suffering that goes with this condition.
The title 'When Hope is Not Enough' sounds a bit bleak, but what the book has given me IS huge hope! I now very clearly understand that my loved one needs validation of their feelings. The author has shown me that validating their feelings in no way compromises my own core value of acting with integrity - rather, it will enhance it.
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Showing 1-1 of 1 posts in this discussion
Initial post: 11 Jun 2016 01:23:57 BDT
gillywilly says:
Thanks very much for your invaluable and insightful review. There is so much negative information about BPD and relationships on the internet - everyone telling you not to believe any of your partner's apologies or the wanting you backs (just a part of the condition) and to resist getting sucked back in and instead to 'get out while you have the chance' - that I had begun to despair. It is so good to read your positivity.

I too want to get better at validating how she feels, rather than focusing on the behaviours that wound me so much. (I know I wound her too, albeit unintentionally - and it would help both of us for me to believe and accept that her behaviours are unintentional, too.)
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