Customer Review

32 of 43 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Who killed CockRobin finally revealed, 14 May 2008
This review is from: Children of the Matrix: How an Interdimentional Race Has Controlled the Planet for Thousands of Years - and Still Does (Paperback)
I was horrified upon reading this book to discover that my wife was in fact a giant tortoise cunningly disguised as a rather over weight unpleasant looking woman. You only have to look at her wrinkled face and scaly flaking feet to appreciate what David Icke has tried to warn us about.
The signs to look out for are everywhere. I was hanging around the local park on the lookout for UFO's when I overheard two women discussing how one of their children had finally 'come out of their shell' When I attempted to confront these alien reptile illuminati types incredibly my trousers fell down and I must have snagged my underpants on a branch and ripped them off because unfortunately some unpleasantness occurred and the police were called. It was very convienient that my discovery was sidelined and I was cautioned by the 'authorities' obviously keen to hush up what I had heard.
Anyway because I am now banned from the park and the local paper who are obviously in on the conspiracy had me on their front page headlined 'Local prat strikes again' this has seriously hampered my investigations, just what David Icke said happens. I am now starting to try and set up my own cult. I have read a lot of Davids books and have this strange feeling that I am special and destined for great things in life. My plan is to give up my job at the post office and be a kind of a God to my followers. Could any ladies who are interested please contact me; you are preferably under 30 and good looking though I will be also compiling a reserve list so apply even if you're not, just in case. I believe that we all come from Atlantis and that I was the King there, it's all a bit hazy but when I can work it all out I'll write it down in a pamphlet. I have been visited by aliens for years and they told me I should spread my seed to as many fit birds as possible and that the lizards wanted global warming to kill us all and so that they don't have to live in giant terrariums.
I am keen to start this cult thing as soon as possible, after all you try going down on a giant terrapin, not very pleasant but needs must after a skinful.
This book will change your life if you are open minded enough to read it and follow David Icke around the country as I did witnessing his 8 hour lectures five times a week for 16 weeks. Contrary to opinion in some circles we are not aimless losers, I happen to be 2nd in charge of licking stamps at our post office after the sponge mats as well as the former Prime Minister of Atlantis I thank you.
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Showing 1-9 of 9 posts in this discussion
Initial post: 11 Jul 2008 12:41:51 BDT
Great review!

In reply to an earlier post on 11 Jul 2008 13:40:15 BDT
Thanks, you wanna buy a large tortoise at all?

In reply to an earlier post on 15 Oct 2008 20:33:27 BDT
not sure about having a large tortoise in da house, but me and my chum use to call our history teacher Miss Buck , turtle because she tortoise..

Posted on 17 Feb 2009 14:27:10 GMT
Tortoise's and turtles can be turned into musical instruments with a compressed air line. If you put the line into the mouth end and inflate, the rectal passage acts like a balloon end, with careful manipulation of the stink end you can make a surprising range of noises from turtle rings. I recommend a series of different sized turtles or tortoises to cover a full range of sound frequencies.

In reply to an earlier post on 20 Feb 2009 18:42:46 GMT
Fascinating. I have heard that if you try similar antics with an octopus you can play said creature like bagpipes. I can't configure this in my head, isn't the mouth of the octopus underneath in the middle? If so where is its bottom? Also do they have blow-holes? No no, that's a whale isn't it?

In reply to an earlier post on 2 Feb 2010 14:21:46 GMT
An octopus would make perfect sense as our musical understanding is structured around the octave (doctors).


Posted on 17 Nov 2010 02:09:40 GMT
Absolutely brilliant Peter...Ive just died laughing !!!

Posted on 17 Mar 2011 12:32:06 GMT
t a oldham says:
Just love the review....You should seriously write the weekend literary reviews for the tabloids...I am sure the readership would increase as a about publishing your own title called ' The Alternative Book Review Guide'...put me down for a read I will have had for a while :)

Posted on 30 Apr 2013 21:42:04 BDT
M. Gavan says:
Im 40 and slightly losing my looks....will i still do?
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