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Customer Review

3 of 4 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Brassic Shark .... Totally !!!!!!, 13 July 2012
This review is from: Jurassic Shark [DVD] (DVD)
Here's a master class in how not to make a monster shark movie.
The plot is ludicrous.... Scientists working for an oil company are drilling deep when they discover a major oil field, however there is an ice pocket above that field, but don't worry they have emptied the ice into a nearby lake.
Cue two cute stereotype blondes in bikini's, totally relaxing by the side of a lake!!! Shall they go for a swim ... "what in a pool or something" "no, in the lake" ... "I'm afraid of sharks" "There's no sharks in fresh water stupid!"
Cut to two scientists arguing about the safety of draining the ancient ice into the lake ... "what could possibly go wrong" ..... shake the camera move side to side and pretend there has been an explosion, oh no !! (remember Voyage To The Bottom Of The Sea The Complete Collection [DVD] [1964] .... The two blondes see the big explosion but hell, let's still go for a swim anyway, you know what happens next.
That's just the pre-credit sequence.
When it gets into full flow there's a gang of dangerous art thieves who have stolen a famous work by an American artist painted 1,300 years ago (so, pre Columbus then????), there's a journalism student investigating the oil drilling site and some friends out for a good time and of course there's something in the water.
It's a mega low budget movie, boats moved side to side to indicate the shark has hit them, blurred underwater shots as the largely unseen creature strikes then a series of shoddy CGI sharks that, as in so many of these films cannot seem to keep the supposed size of the shark constant.
There's lots of "totally" unnecessary panning shots as the surviving cast walk past the camera one by one as they trek through the woods to the oil company site.
Amazingly it crams all this and much more into just 65 minutes, the box says feature running time 75 mins "approx" but be aware the last 10 minutes is the end titles.
Play spot the product placement and see how often sponsor Hogs Back Brewery gets a mention.
There are no extras of any kind.
Normally I would give a movie this bad 1 star but it gets 2 as Emanuelle Carriere is cute, and Tom Cat films website advertises these as mockbuster movies but unlike The Asylum they haven't quite got a handle on the tongue in cheek aspect. However, wait for The Amazing Bulk, Captain Battle (a Captain America wannabe with a Nick Fury eye-patch), Thunderstorm: Return Of Thor [DVD] [2011] [Region 1] [US Import] [NTSC], Agent Beetle, Avenging Force, Iron Soldier, Rise of the Black Bat ... see any pattern here?
They have so many promising titles. If they could somehow get the balance between a poor quality low budget movie and a knowing spoof correct they could be onto a winner, just not quite yet.
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Showing 1-3 of 3 posts in this discussion
Initial post: 15 Jul 2012 14:40:10 BDT
Your wrong about "There's no sharks in fresh water stupid!", Bull Sharks can be found in fresh water

Bull sharks have been found thousands of miles up the Amazon River, and in Nicaragua have been seen leaping up river rapids, salmon-like, to reach inland Lake Nicaragua.

In reply to an earlier post on 15 Jul 2012 22:50:58 BDT
Last edited by the author on 15 Jul 2012 23:02:16 BDT
I. R. Kerr says:
I know there are fresh water sharks, I've been a shark fanatic since my pre-teen days and that's a very long time.
It's a quote from the movie, that's why it's in inverted commas. It's one of many, almost memorable (for all the wrong reasons) quotes in a series of quickfire dumb blonde comments between two sun-bathers in one of the funniest parts of the movie. It's funny because just after saying that you can guess what happens.

In reply to an earlier post on 17 Nov 2014 18:31:51 GMT
I feel like buying this forra laugh and to see how bad it ruddy is!!
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I. R. Kerr
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Location: Lancashire

Top Reviewer Ranking: 418