2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
Totally changed the way we parent,
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This review is from: The Fussy Baby Book (Paperback)
I am a first time mum of twins and have one really laid back baby and one high needs, demanding baby and thought I was pandering to a manipulative son by responding every time he cried. It was creating a conflict of parenting styles between my husband and I as I felt cruel to let him cry to see if he would self-soothe and my husband felt that I was creating a 'mummies boy'. He was a baby that was not happy unless in my arms and preferably nursing 24/7.
After reading this book, we both understand that he has different needs to his sister and have responded to his cries more readily and as a result, he cries far less often and smiles a whole lot more. He is now a really happy baby that still needs a lot of attention, but we better understand he is communicating in the only way he can. Yes there are times when he screams the house down as we just can't respond (when without the other parent and changing nappy of the other twin, bathing other twin, etc, etc), but on the whole he knows that when he needs something, it will be done. He has an umbilical hernia that was getting larger week by week, but in the month of following our reading this book, it is actually getting smaller meaning that surgery is less likely. We also have noticed that although he is only 5mths old, he is trying to communicate in other ways and looks to want he wants while crying, for instance he will look at the changing table and if we say the word 'nappy' he stops crying and once on the change mat will beam a huge smile as a reward for understanding him. This has changed our lives in terms of parenting a high needs baby especially as we have twins.
When people visit and give me that disapproving look when I immediately respond to his cries, I simply say that if one had a disabled baby you'd deal with them in a way that met their needs, well, just because you can't see his needs, that doesn't make them any less important. I felt, rightly or wrongly, that they were judging me as a first-time mum and assuming that I didn't know what I was doing. This book said I was right to follow my instincts and that it was OK to cuddle him for hours on an evening when the other twin was asleep and didn't need me - he is now the first to fall asleep and sleeps longer as a result of being better understood.
He is a lovely little boy that is growing in confidence and although he is not as independent or adventurous as his twin sister (or other babies his age), he is his own person and is happy. Highly recommend this book.