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102 of 108 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Absolutely hilarious, 28 Aug 2012
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This review is from: Fifty Shades of Grey: 1/3 (Kindle Edition)
I don't like giving books a 1 star review, because, well really no book is THAT bad, it got published after all. There was so much hype around this book that I finally just looked it up on the Kindle store, saw that it was apparently very poorly written, and asked my boyfriend if he fancied having a laugh as I read the book out loud. I was certain that it couldn't be as bad as many of the reviews were making out.... but it was. Oh my, it was.

The writing is just... terrible. The author uses the same words over and over again. Nobody in the book just "says" anything, they all "murmur". The only other thing they do is mutter. Christian Grey always has a "ghost of a smile on his lips", is always "gazing" at people, Ana flushes every 5 minutes, constantly says "oh my", and everyone seems to gasp at regular intervals. And words are often used in the wrong context, or just in a clumsy fashion. There are so many terrible metaphors and similes that we often just found ourselves laughing out loud.

The characters are bipolar, or something. Ana and Grey are all of a sudden really hostile to each other (for no apparent reason), then in the next paragraph they're very friendly and kind. Then all of a sudden back to being hostile. It made no sense. Grey got ridiculously angry when he found out Ana was a virgin and starts shouting "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?!?!" but they'd only met about 3 times previously. Grey himself is, I'm 100% sure, the result of two teenagers dreaming up their ideal man. "He should be handsome! And really muscular. And he needs to be rich, and want to end famine, and love art, and be a concert pianist, and a pilot, and be really good at sex. Oh, and his pants should always hang, you know... in that way. You know what I mean!" Grey is simultaneously described as a muscular Adonis, and having a lithe, slim figure, and his eyes are always blazing or burning or scorching or doing SOMETHING that most often doesn't really make sense.

And the sex scenes... oh my. Just to be clear, I don't object to books containing sex scenes. I think people should be less embarrassed about their sexuality. But these are terrible. And I mean, laugh-out-loud terrible. Ana can apparently orgasm just from having her breasts touched, and despite being a virgin, only cries "argh" when Grey's "considerable length" is RAMMED inside her. She constantly refers to what Grey is making her feel "down there" (which lead us to constantly ask if this was written by a 14 year old) and then shatters into a million billion pieces. Grey's regular use of the word "baby" is hilarious, and caused actual laughing fits.

Outside the sex scenes, it is TEDIOUSLY boring. How this came to be a best seller I will never know. I have since deleted it from my Kindle as I felt it was an affront to the English language to keep it. However, I recommend it if you fancy a laugh!
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Showing 1-4 of 4 posts in this discussion
Initial post: 5 Jan 2013 16:35:00 GMT
jandoro says:
Great review! Thanks for the laughs!

Posted on 11 Jan 2013 11:32:45 GMT
I agree completely. Me and a few mates sat about with a bottle of wine taking it in turns to read it.I'd bought it on kindle previously but it was so bad I returned it after a few chapters. With friends and wine though, it was the most entertaining evening we've spent in ages - for all the wrong reasons. My sides hurt by the end of chapter 5 :)

Posted on 28 Jul 2013 23:01:44 BDT
minime25 says:
I have to say the wine and friends read aloud evening sounds fun, great idea thanks! :-) I'll get back to you when I've done that to ask how the hell you delete it from kindle!

Posted on 18 Jan 2014 17:31:42 GMT
How do you delete from the Kindle? I want to remove this tripe from mine! x
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