16 of 20 people found the following review helpful
This review is from: The Talk of Hollywood (Mills & Boon Modern) (Paperback)No, this is not Morse Code.
Let me tell you a little secret: I'm an English teacher. Let me tell you another secret: I mark GCSE papers. I also like Craig Revel Horwood (Dah-ling).
This book, Dah-ling, has the form and movements required of a romance novel, but the technical execution is simply not there. I give it a 1 since I can't give it a 0.
This book, in spite of having a traditional romantic plot line, fails due to gross grammatical incompetence.
The plot is simple. The hero, Jaxon (Come on! Why not simply spell it Jackson?), arrives to negotiate and, later, research private papers in order to create a screenplay. The heroine, Stazy, which is short for Anastasia, is asked by her grandfather to oversee Jaxon's efforts as the papers belong to him and are about his beloved wife Anastasia, for whom Stazy is named. They meet. They bicker. They sorta have sex. They get married.
The grammar is unbearable. The story is 180 pages long. At 250 words per page, that is a total of 45,000 words which can be roughly broken down to 6,400 sentences. Out of these 6.400 sentences there are 178 sentences that end with ellipses (...); 121 sentences that end with ellipses followed by a question mark (...?); 93 sentences that end with a dash (-); 26 that end in an ellipsis followed by an exclamation mark (...!); 11 that end with a dash followed by a question mark (-?); 9 that end with an exclamation mark followed by a dash (!-) and 2 that end with dash followed by an exclamation mark (-!). Heck, why didn't she just throw in a half dozen emoticons to complete the set? (or should that be ...?) That means that 440 sentences failed to end with either a full stop, a question mark or a sensible exclamation mark. That is 1 in every 14 sentences. It certainly felt like more. To add to this, there are 93 THOUGHTS that end in an exclamation mark. It's like reading about chipmunks on speed! (or ...!)
This insane use of punctuation destroys the storyline as it makes all the characters unsure of any of their actions, their motives or their conclusions. It gets in the way and is not used in any proper method. Some of these punctuation marks don't even make sense. Unique punctuation is like spice in a recipe: it should be there for a dramatic purpose, but if over done, it will ruin the dish.
Dear HMB General Editor: Please purchase 2 copies "Eats, Shoots and Leaves" and give one to Carole Mortimer and the other to the editor who oversaw the publication of this book. It will save you later embarrassment by other readers. After all, it is Christmas! (or ...!)
I'm sorry, Carole, but you have failed your GCSE writing component.
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Showing 1-4 of 4 posts in this discussion
Initial post: 25 Jan 2012 09:46:30 GMT
Virginia Llorca says:
My book is better and way more fun. Try it LAWMAN by Virginia Llorca at amazon .com
Posted on 25 Jan 2012 14:24:21 GMT
Last edited by the author on 25 Jan 2012 14:24:58 GMT
W. J. S. Kirton says:
Well said, Heather. It's bad enough to find this sort of thing in the "Hay, I've rote this so I'll putt it on Kindul" fellowship, but when it slips through a major publisher's filters, there's something wrong. (Although, in today's Guardian, one of their reporters wrote of a car "breaking and accelerating" - or maybe vice versa.)
Posted on 25 Jan 2012 14:50:46 GMT
Beach Bum Books says:
Thank you, Heather Griffon, for describing in clear, unequivocal terms how and why bad (or lack of) punctuation destroys a story. Storytelling is a craft, and the devil is definitely in the details. 'Tis enough to drive one to despair.
Posted on 25 Jan 2012 20:52:48 GMT
Good call, Heather.
Rules might be made to be broken. But in order to do that successfully, you have to know what they are.
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