703 of 708 people found the following review helpful
A Feminine Revolution,
This review is from: BiC Cristal for Her - Black (Box of 20) (Office Product)
After suffering debilitating gender-based paranoia for many years due to my large hands, interest in science and ability to make my own decisions, I became convinced that even though I was born and live as woman, society would never accept me. My life was a battle but I fought on, between bouts of hormonal weeping and watching endless romcoms and DVD boxsets of 'Friends', yet was unable to connect as a woman or find that elusive romance or 'friend'. I subscribe to all the women's magazines, buy all the latest beauty products, still all I have added to my life is a pile of old magazines and bottles of vegetable oil based lotions. Nothing was working.
Then, my sister came to my house one day to find out why I had not attended our weekly trip to the salon, only to find me lying among the cupcakes I had lovingly made her, curled in the feotal position and rythmically rubbing my body with an unplugged Ladyshave. Seeing my despair at the harsh reality of not being feminine enough, she wept as she bathed me in a scented bubble bath. Leaving me alone with a chocolate bar to eat seductively, she crept out and sourced me a small pack of BiC Cristal for her.
Within moments I was able to sit unassisted again. I brushed and even swung my newly washed hair, and my tears slowly dried as I added layer upon layer of beauty product, using the pens to mark which worked and didn't. I wrote a to-do list named 'The start of the rest of your life.' I truly did start living that day.
Then, a few nights later I noticed a silvery blue light coming from my desk. The pens were glowing, ethereal, like an aura of woman was pulsating from their inner ink tubes. I looked out of the window, and sure enough a full moon was glowing. Just as the moon affects the tides which draw our mentrual cycles around, the Cristal BiC were responsing with an unworldly glow to the feminine mystery of the moon. I swept them into my hands and wrote job applications to be a model, responded to dating ads and wrote letters to long lost family. All of them were successful. I now have a handsome partner, am admired for my looks, have lots of friends to have brunch with and am more sexually satisfied than ever.
Which is why once a month you will hear me loud and clear shouting, nay rejoicing at the moon: "I am a BiC Cristal owner: I AM WOMAN!"
Would have been five stars but the packaging's quite hard to get into without a man around. 4/5
Tracked by 3 customers
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Showing 1-10 of 17 posts in this discussion
Initial post: 1 Sep 2012 15:05:59 BDT
Mrs. Susan Willmoth says:
Posted on 2 Sep 2012 21:12:37 BDT
Di H. says:
So witty! Laughed till I cried.
Posted on 3 Sep 2012 14:51:43 BDT
Mrs. A. B. Fox says:
Fantastic! Loving your review!
Posted on 8 Sep 2012 22:15:33 BDT
Lizzi D says:
Wow - you rock so hard I actually fell in love with you a bit. You win the internet. XX
Posted on 17 Sep 2012 13:52:36 BDT
Evelyn R. Burges says:
Wonderful, thanks so much for posting this!!!
Posted on 18 Oct 2012 14:14:40 BDT
Mrs. S. A. Stevens says:
Funny lady!!!!!! Write a book - I'd buy it :-)
Posted on 12 Dec 2012 09:02:58 GMT
Aunt Sally says:
Genius (hey, how come that's got a masculine ending ;-0)
Posted on 11 Jan 2013 00:20:55 GMT
Last edited by the author on 11 Jan 2013 00:21:28 GMT
Very funny - gave me a few wry smiles - but then I'm just a man and can't express myself unless drunk, otherwise I'd say ....more.
Posted on 30 Jan 2013 12:53:44 GMT
Lauren M says:
Genius - that had me doubled up with laughter!
Posted on 30 Mar 2013 22:57:29 GMT
D. R. Scott says: