Customer Review

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Highly-watchable terrific little piece of crap!, 5 Jun. 2012
This review is from: The Lost Empire [DVD] (DVD)
Wynorski is a B-movie king, and he continually turned out Z-grade crap throughout the eighties.He has directed over twenty films, and contributed story, script, or produced on dozens more. On his directorial CV are such noted flicks as DEATHSTALKER II, DINOSAUR ISLAND, BODY CHEMISTRY 3, CHOPPING MALL, GHOULIES IV, MUNCHIE, SORCERESS, RETURN OF THE SWAMP THING and SORORITY HOUSE MASSACRE 2. Wynorski likes the macabre, lots of special effects and women in his movies, and if I see his name on the credits, I know I'm in for an interesting time.

He wrote, produced and directed THE LOST EMPIRE, and managed to make a film that I can`t decide whether it is brilliant or plain crap. Wolfe is a high-octane lady cop who wears a black leather suit and rides around on a motorcycle. When a chinese curio shop is robbed by sect-members with spiky death-star yo-yos for weapons, Wolfe`s FBI lover suddenly reveals that the Devil himself is involved and that he lives on an island somewhere and kidnaps women, and is about to make himself immortal with the help of a crap plot token, The Eyes Of Avatar. For some odd reason, women sign up to be taken to his island, ritually humiliated, forced to fight, and then possibly pawed or, if they`re especially lucky, eaten, by Old Nick himself [who is, incidentally, building, out of Meccano and a few plastic tubes, a super-weapon that disintegrates everything it is fired at]. Anyway, busty Wolfe decides to visit the island and sets about finding two like-minded women to come with her. This first part of the film is the best, and its a bit like THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN, but just with three. Wolfe finds WhiteStar, played by professional stripper Raven De La Croix, who is some sort of magical native-american woman. She has a huge bust and wears a ridiculous white bikini suit with lots of tassels [which De La Croix designed herself]. Next, the pair go off to a corrupt womans prison to negotiate the release of a woman that Wolfe arrested. In the prison grounds she has a catfight with a dominiatrix woman with a whip, and later talks to Wolfe and TasselyBra in the shower. Like you do.

Anyway, the three fly off to the island, do some star-jumps, fight a little bit, and finally discover the horror of its odd leader [played by PHANTASM`s Angus Scrimm]. Oh and there`s a gorilla, too. And a black-skulled man. And plenty of topless scenes, as it seems a lot of the ladies want to just throw away their tops for no particular reason, or have them ripped off for no better particular reason. For people who are scared of things, there is a scene with a big snake [trying to negotiate its way around De La Croix`s bosom], and a scene with a [robot] spider, as well as lots more star-jumps.

But this is great. It doesn`t make a lot of sense, the majority of the women who get their hooters out are ageing porno stars, the script was perhaps written by the gorilla that appears, and generally its just really stupid. But add all the ingredients together and you have a highly-watchable terrific little piece of crap. It was released on DVD in 2002 and repackaged to make it look like a sword`n`sorcery flick. Which it isn`t. Tommy Rettig can be seen in this movie, too, who was the annoying little kid in LASSIE.
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