Customer Review

4 of 6 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars 'She loves me, she loves me not; she loves me...', 23 Mar 2014
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This review is from: Top 40 - Love (Audio CD)
This is a rare double disc indeed. Not only does it have the power to act as suitably soothing background music while you whisper sweet nothings / heartfelt apologies into your ex-wife's ear during those sweaty and somewhat embarrassing moments following frenetic (ie. somewhat premature) lovemaking escapades... but it also has all the necessary qualifications for you to sit around in your negligee listening to it for days on end, utterly heartbroken because the aforementioned ex-wife has dumped you yet again.

No? Oh well, that must just be me then.

It was bought originally for the purposes of making my former wife feel suitably passionate once more in my company. Just to be on the safe side, I also stuck a picture of Jon Pertwee on my bedroom ceiling. Well, you've got to play to your strengths, haven't you? And besides, I wanted her to have SOME satisfaction during our, rather ill-fated, reconciliation. Hence, my purchase of this fab double disc set. Now obviously, when two people are in the throes of passion, they wouldn't give a monkey's about what sort of music was playing in the background at the time. So, I suppose the fact that I was practically singing along to these numbers during my horizontal time with my former wife is not the best advert for our sexual compatibility. In my defence though, I'm fairly sure she was remote viewing her way round everything from Sainsbury's to the 99p Store during our recent encounters... and all while listening intently to these 40 songs.

Well, to the first one anyway.

You will notice that Bonnie Tyler's epic 'Total Eclipse Of The Heart' lasts for just short of four and a half minutes. Whoever put this compilation together is a veritable genius then, bunging that on as the first track. Romantic, dramatic, and just about the right length for your average, rather over-excited, gentleman to at least be able to salvage SOMETHING from the experience. Even if your romantic partner rips the picture of Jon Pertwee down at that stage and then storms from the house completely, at least that's been four and a half worthwhile minutes, right? Well, minus the time taken to get undressed of course. Plus the time taken to pull the curtains, extinguish all the lights, don the blindfold and remove your socks. Shall we call it a minute and a half then? Terrific.

Of course, love being what it is (I want to say a crock of crap, but I really mustn't), things can turn nastily on a sixpence all too easily. In my case, it was an ill-advised pair of French knickers that did it. I wasn't even wearing them, which is probably the worst aspect of the situation as far as I'm concerned. Anyway, in a heartbeat... plus a stream of abuse and the lobbing in my direction of a whip and an executioner's hood (don't ask... you'd never sleep again if I told you)... I swiftly rejoined the ranks of the 'Well and Truly Dumped'. But, even in my darkest hour (and minus one, rather fetching, picture of Jon Pertwee), I could still rely on these forty tracks.

I have to say, 'Ain't No Pleasing You' is a particular favourite of mine. When your heart's been mashed up, jumped on, shredded, and then sent back to you in an envelope with insufficient postage, that song really does provide the little ray of light that you need. Its presence alone on here indicates to me that this album was always intended to be something of a double agent in my opinion.

Whatever your state of romantic fulfilment, whether you're in the first flushes of love or whether love has flushed you down the nearest lavatory, these forty tracks can see you through.
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Showing 1-1 of 1 posts in this discussion
Initial post: 22 Apr 2014 05:40:28 BDT
MelAus says:
Far........far too much information!
How about a definitive review of the product.
I don't think many would be interested in your....well, let's call them your adventures?
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