30 of 30 people found the following review helpful
If only I had read this book 14 years ago!,
This review is from: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage (Paperback)
Unlike the other book though, this book will help men and women alike. It is not aimed only at daughter-in-laws, but rather at daughter-in-laws and son-in-laws alike.
The book is crammed full of really useful and constructive advice about what you are entitled to expect from your in-laws (e.g. respect and to be treated as the equal adult that you are), what you are NOT entitled to expect (e.g. you cannot assume/expect that they will love you, but similarly of course, they cannot assume/expect that you will love them), how to deal with them constructively and in a non-aggressive, non-conflicting manner, how to get your spouse on side if he/she is not standing up to his/her parents/your in-laws, and so on.
The book discusses realistic and unrealistic expectations and explains how our unrealistic expectations can hinder the development of a decent relationship with our in-laws. It helps you to understand why they treat you like they do, shows you through real-life accounts that you could have even nastier (or messed up) in-laws (yes, there really are people worse off than you, which I found reassuring and which helped me to put things in perspective), and most importantly of all, it gives you solid, concrete advice about how to approach them from now on, as the "new you", i.e. as the equal adult that you are, even if they seem to think of you as otherwise!
As with all self-help books, this book will only help you if you are willing to really delve deeply into yourself and examine your own past behaviour. If you refuse to believe that you are anything except an absolutely perfect human being who has never done or said anything that could have been misinterpreted, then this book will not help you.
The book does make you think really hard about all sorts of aspects of yourself, your beliefs, behaviour, desires, your relationship with not only your in-laws, but also with your own parents and with your spouse. It made me realise, for example, that I was hoping for a fairy tale (i.e. in-laws that would welcome me into the family like a daughter) and it made me understand how that fairy-tale desire was actually the cause of some of my hurt when they did not live up to that fairy-tale.
If you are willing to read this book and digest its contents with an open mind, you will be rewarded greatly, and your relationship with your in-laws (and your marriage) will definitely improve infinitely.