on 24 November 2014
In a handful of words, Damn Sea Vampires is all talk and no trousers. Even if, like us, you’re not afraid of a little B-movie action, this straight-to-DVD, nautical horror flick fails to deliver. The cover – picturing a helpless, bikini-clad woman on a boat being battered by blood-sucking savages – promises jam-packed action, yet little of the image makes an appearance. It’s fair to say that it’s unlikely anyone would strip to swimwear beside the Bering Sea where this film is set (it’s imaginative former title was Bering Sea Beast) and where temperatures average between -10°c and 4°c, but why put it on the cover? The same goes for the title. At no point does anyone shout ‘damn sea vampires’, which is a laugh lost when humour is the only thing going for this film. In fact it’s the hilarity caused by the shoddy CGI and acting that just about grips you (with giggles) until the end.
At times the characters babble their lines so quickly, it’s laughably incomprehensible, and this is a cast that includes former child star Jonathan Lipnicki (as Joe), lest we forget. Now the lisping kid from Jerry Maguire apparently spends his time pumping iron and what he’s made in muscle, he’s lost in talent.
In Damn Sea Vampires we find Lipnicki portraying an unconvincing gambler and/or drug addict (that tangent is never defined or explored), whose ice queen sister Donna (played by Sharknado actress Cassie Scerbo) lives for dredging. Along with their dad (Kevin Dobson), the family hunt for gold in the harsh Bering Sea, until one day (about 20 minutes in) they disturb a pack of fanged, ‘exsanguinating’ (yeah, we had to look that up too) monsters that fly, vary in size and resemble slimy black stingrays. Will they survive the onslaught? Only time will tell, if you can be bothered to sit through 82 minutes.
As far as B-movies go, Damn Sea Vampires is just plain terrible. It may have been directed by Don E FauntLeRoy, an ace at the awful – he’s responsible in varying degrees for such features as Anaconda 4: Trail of Blood, Legion of Fire: Killer Ants! and Jeepers Creepers 2 – but this doesn’t even make the grade of so-bad-it’s-good. The effects are a mess and the storyline’s half-hearted. No matter how much the packaging promises don’t get sucked into this vampiric flop.
on 22 April 2014
While smoking a bunch of weed, script writer Brook Durham looked at a set of dentures sitting on top of a large garbage bag and thought, "I think I can make a movie out of this. Quick to the Ed Wood machine!"
While diving for gold, a man gets killed by a sea bat, or better yet, CG bat. Rather than inform authorities, they wait. A few more people die and a local marine biologist (Jaqueline Fleming) gets involved as it seems man has disturbed the breeding grounds of these creatures, which like Supercar can travel on land, sea and air.
Seasoned outdoors worker Donna (Cassandra Scerbo) who has silky smooth hands and skin, leads a small group against the creatures. Also know as "Bering Sea Beast" when it was shown on TV. The BERING Sea Beast was filmed in Slidell, Louisiana where you really can't see Russia.
Good cheese value but not as good as the "Mega-shark" series, or anything with the name shark in the title made in the last few years including Sharknado, Avalanche Sharks, and Ghost Shark.
I was in the Navy, I know sea bats are for real. I have seen them. ;)
OK, so you love silly films, you’ve watched both Sharknado’s and are looking for something that you don’t have to think about to watch over the holiday period, something that will make you laugh, something fun and above all else something that you can just sit back and allow to happen. So what are you going to watch?
Well how about this, Damn Sea Vampires (AKA Beasts of the Bering Sea in the US) which is set around Alaskan Gold dredgers. These weird creatures are disturbed when new land is opened up and unleash their own brand of mayhem as the crew of the ship that originally disturbed them try to put the uprising down.
Its quirky, its fun and above all else it’s a film that gave me a few chuckles a I watched it. Defintiely something that I’m going to make sure my twin gets of a copy of as I know he and his friend Les will get an absolute blast from it. OK so the acting isn’t great and the plot is a bit ludicrous but all round when you just want something to relieve some of the tension or just a break from all those damn Christmas repeats then pick this up.