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6 of 7 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Obscene, corrupting, and dirty as a mudwrestler's gusset
Given what I am about to write, it might seem odd that I've awarded this book four stars, an excellent rating if ever there was one. But I shall explain why in due course.

This is possibly the most reprehensible, irresponsible piece of writing I've ever perused. My reasons for maintaining this are manifold. I shall enunciate them henceforth.

First:...
Published 7 months ago by Tim Stevens

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3 of 5 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars An existential problem
I am not sure that the question of which side a toilet roll should hang has been entirely settled and when I realised that Tarquin Murphy has no adequate justification for his assertion of the rightness of forward dependancy I gave up reading. This is a problem which shades into both the metaphysical and personal realms. My first wife believed firmly in rearward...
Published 7 months ago by Neil Sydenham


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6 of 7 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Obscene, corrupting, and dirty as a mudwrestler's gusset, 4 Dec 2013
By 
Tim Stevens (Essex, England) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: #AllUsers (Kindle Edition)
Given what I am about to write, it might seem odd that I've awarded this book four stars, an excellent rating if ever there was one. But I shall explain why in due course.

This is possibly the most reprehensible, irresponsible piece of writing I've ever perused. My reasons for maintaining this are manifold. I shall enunciate them henceforth.

First: the "hero", Mr Murphy, routinely eats foodstuffs for breakfast which are not only for the most part inherently unhealthy, but which are at or even past their government-mandated expiration dates! What kind of message does this send out to readers? That it's "funny" to eat dangerous food? That such behaviour is somehow "edgy" or "daring"? Appalling!

Next: the aforementioned Murphy accuses a "mental health consultant" - a psychiatrist, in other words, though his patience-challenging and lachrymal-duct-stimulating verbosity must needs have it otherwise - of being a cutlery thief. This is a recurring motif throughout the story, and is once again played for laughs. Such a slur on the venerable and esteemed profession of psychiatry cannot simply dismissed as the cheap shot some might judge it as, but should rather be seen for what it is, namely a sustained and spiteful attack on all that makes the British Isles such a sane place. Horrendous!

Furthermore: an (admittedly suitably repellent) American character mishears the word "solemniser" as - I can't bring myself to utter it, but you'll know what I mean when I censor it thus: *********. There. Disgusting, is it not? That such filth can creep into the written language of a nation that produced such wholesome God-fearing bastions of literature as James Joyce, Oscar Wilde, and Martin McDonagh, is nothing short of repellent. Revolting!

(I shan't even begin to talk about the grossly irresponsible recommendations for toilet-roll hanging, because the author clearly doesn't believe his own propaganda in this regard. It's a so-called "wind-up", and from the wrong side of the roll.)

Why, then, the four stars? It's because this book, inadvertently, does the world a service. It serves to warn us against the rising tide of filth and sordid brainwashing being spewed out by the pens of the likes of Mr Tarquin Murphy and his ilk. It places the enemy's head above the literary parapet, as it were, and allows such good folk as remain on this earth to take well-aimed potshots at it/them with arrows fired from bows of decency.

So thank you, Mr Tarquin Murphy. And may your dreams no longer trouble you.
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5 of 6 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Stress - it does your head in, 27 Nov 2013
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This review is from: #AllUsers (Kindle Edition)
Do you love satire? Are you able to laugh at the human condition? Then jump in - you are qualified to read #Allusers. I loved this book. Small enough to be swallowed whole, it messes with your head nicely. What is reality after all? To anyone who has worked in a deadend job where stress accumulates to a toxic level will understand this narrator and, above all, sympathise with his OCD desperation. There has been much debate about the orientation of the toilet rolls in the asylum. Myself, I identified with the cutlery thief. Rebellion has many faces. Recommended.
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3 of 4 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Off The Wall (over the top), 17 Nov 2013
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Of course, I've always known the correct way to hang a toilet roll was with the end of the roll (or is it the beginning?) flowing, cascading over the top. I also have a laminated sign confirming as such, with full instruction as to its eventual replacement. The relief and considerable satisfaction that I was not alone in the world with regard to this social divider (and many others) is such that I feel compelled to write a review for this story.
Right from the beginning I felt I knew Tarquin, and before I was into chapter two, I was falling headlong into his world of canteen dinners, corrupt orders for commodes, out of date sausages and the marriage vows of several strange couples. It was strangely believable.
It's the ramblings of an off the wall mind, but all the more delicious for that. I read it during the X-Factor and it fitted the time scale perfectly; worth knowing.
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4.0 out of 5 stars A highly entertaining, if at times unbelievable, tale, 11 Jan 2014
This review is from: #AllUsers (Kindle Edition)
#AllUsers is a novella, only available as an e-book, written in diary entry style by the protagonist Tarquin Murphy. A quick bit of GoogleFu reveals the true author to be Ruby Barnes, who purportedly created the book after hearing someone say that anyone can write an e-book in an hour.

#AllUsers is a highly entertaining, if at times unbelievable, tale about the trials and tribulations of Tarquin Fin-tim-lin-bin-whin-bim-lim-bus-stop-F'tang-F'tang-Olé-Biscuitbarrel Murphy (yes, really), a local council worker who splits his responsibilities between allocating healthcare aids and appliances, and solemnising (no, not sodomising) marriages. He has an obsession with sell-by dates and practical jokes, a vendetta against the head of HR, and forms an accidental bond with a psychiatrist through the shared act of pilfering cutlery from the staff cantine. When the figures for his aids and appliances orders are found not to add up, external auditors are called in to investigate, leading to consequences that ripple out through Tarquin's work and social lives.

The formulaic approach - almost every chapter following the exact same sequence of dream, breakfast, work day and evening prank - surprisingly does not start wearing on the reader. Indeed, the effect is the opposite, with the reader looking forward to seeing just what the next dream will be, or what Tarquin will come up with next in his battles against HR and the auditors. The author has a very good grasp of the everyday dramas and politics of office life, focussing on the battles that everyone will be familiar with; the right and proper way to hang the toilet roll, the most loved and most reviled parking spaces in the car park, the choice of biscuits available in the cantine.

Where this novella falls down is that, at times, it goes just a step too far. All of Tarquin's pranks involve sending a mass email around his place of work. Quite often, the target of his jokes is the person who has caused him most grief during the day. The fact that he goes undiscovered throughout the narrative, therefore, seems more than slightly dubious. His full name, as well - a reference to Monty Python - crosses the line from comic to ludicrous. But, then again, a comic book written on a dare is unlikely meant to be taken seriously.

So if you enjoy comedy, and are able to suspend your disbelief in places, then give #AllUsers a read. Even if you're pushed for time, it's short enough that you can read it in a night or two, and it will have you giggling through work weeks to come.

[...]
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2 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars How Do You Hang Yours?, 1 Dec 2013
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This review is from: #AllUsers (Kindle Edition)
There's no one quite like Tarquin whatshisname! Toilet roll hanging has caused family rifts for decades, since the advent of Izal, that rough stuff they used in school loos in the fifties. Read this book and you'll find yourself swapping toilet rolls around in every loo you visit. Put this together with an obsession for out of date food and you have one serious weirdo on your hands. However, he's a weirdo you'll root for. There's something strangely fascinating about the man and his quirks and foibles. This is a laugh aloud story so be careful where you read it, preferably in private, maybe on the loo. Wherever you choose, it's fun and you'll enjoy.
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3 of 5 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars An existential problem, 26 Nov 2013
This review is from: #AllUsers (Kindle Edition)
I am not sure that the question of which side a toilet roll should hang has been entirely settled and when I realised that Tarquin Murphy has no adequate justification for his assertion of the rightness of forward dependancy I gave up reading. This is a problem which shades into both the metaphysical and personal realms. My first wife believed firmly in rearward suspension: my second asserts the forward situation. I am thus faced with an existential problem: in these cirumstances can either of these concepts receive my wholehearted support? In which mode of existence do I have to live? Do I cling to the certainties of an already lived past or do I embrace the present and, by implication, the future with all its portents of public horror, even if tempered by private satisfaction? I find that this book, having posed the question, makes no attempt to answer it and for that reason I cannot recommend it.
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