Top critical review
24 people found this helpful
Could do Better
on 13 February 2014
An interesting yarn, but spoilt by mistakes and the immature, laddy smugness of the principal character. Both are rectifiable.
There are a great many errors due to homophones. "A whole hoard of people stood behind the... barricade". "She lent casually on the doorframe". "She lent in to peck him on the cheek". Other mistakes seem careless, such as "They moved down the passageway until it terminated at a perpendicular, slightly wider corridor. Perpendicular commonly means upright. Morton expresses an abhorrence 'all signing, all dancing' funerals. Should the author have got it right, it would still be an inappropriate expression. However, since the mourners went on the to crematorium, perhaps the author really meant 'all singeing all dancing'. The trouble is that these mistakes pull the reader back into the real world.
The author consistently uses the word 'like' in the sense of 'as if'. ".... saying the word dad like he was speaking in tongues." I might feel like a hamburger but I do not necessarily feel hot and greasy.
Quoting the web addresses in the text might be helpful but would be better in an appendix.
The hero's experience of Christians seems strange. A group dressed in uniform yellow t-shirts with a red fish logo on the breast pocket? It seems as if they might have been those brave people who go out at night helping largely female clubbers by giving them flip-flops, water, counsel and so on. It seems harsh to include them in the plot just to express prejudice.
More care might have achieved four stars.