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on 28 October 2009
My son's words on reading the contents page were 'Oh my god - it's dad'!
Someone hinted to my partner that he may have Asperger Syndrome, a few years ago. Neither he nor I looked into this syndrome until the relationship ended, when, on needing some clarification of both our behaviours during a long, difficult relationship I did some research. Books which are informative for the lay person are very rare. I am a medical professional and I found it difficult! The focus is on children. I purchased numerous books including the Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome (Tony Attwood) - not worth the money, looked up websites, visited my library, etc etc. The Asperger Couple's Workbook (Maxine Aston) mentioned previously, actually was the book which really confirmed that I was on the right track. Oh my goodness! The loneliness and isolation - it's real!!!

And then I was given this book!

Whatever people may think, this book actually looks at things in an easily digestable way. I don't care about the book's American-English, or the contrasting simplistic nature. It is not unforgiving on the person with Asperger's. Cassandra? ME, PTS, PMT are all woolly areas in professional-land! Professional snobbery won't help an individual who cannot understand why the man she loves doesn't show any love towards her. It has made me understand so many things and instead of feeling guilt, confusion and a hundred other emotions I can really work through things now. No one book is ever going to be perfect. 'You can't please everyone all of the time'! This is not an academic book, but it should be read by them.

This book is helping me assist my children in coping with a father who appears emotionally bereft, thus hopefully enabling a good relationship for them all in the future.
Like all information books, this book should not be read in isolation but it's an excellent one to start with.
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on 9 October 2013
I feel like this woman has been a fly on the wall in my life for the past two years. I can't believe how much my experiences of the characteristics of my AS man match the traits described here - things he does which are described exactly as I have experienced them, right down to specific things he has said to me which are quoted almost word-for-word! This book could've been written entirely about him.

When I first met him I was so confused, lonely and, to be honest, frightened because I lacked understanding of why he was behaving in such an alarming manner - the shock the author describes is so accurate, I have been utterly astounded on many occasions where his behaviour was so unexpected and seemingly unconnected with its origins that I have been left speechless. Now that I know there are many other women out there (and perhaps men) who share my experiences, it puts a totally different perspective on my situation and I hope I can now move forward (with him or otherwise, as I simply don't know how it will play out).

Thank you so much, Rudy, for this amazing book, you have made an invaluable contribution towards the world's understanding of this condition and to increased tolerance and compassion towards people whose minds work in unique ways. It is true that, whilst I have been to hell and back in my relationship with this person, I have also found heaven in ways that I have never experienced in my conventional relationships and I am totally captivated by him - his talents, passion, mystery, vulnerability - and I am profoundly in love with him.
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on 14 March 2012
I sat and cried for the hour it took me to read and absorb this book. It described exactly how bad I felt as living with someone suspected of having aspergers is extremely upsetting and lonely with having no idea why. I thought there was something wrong with myself but it was just a reaction to the brutal way people with aspergers can talk without realising they are doing it. the hardest part for a woman to deal with is the lack of feeling when she is upset as they simply dont recognise body language or expression of feelings

This has inspired me to look further into aspergers and have ordered aspergers for dummies to try and understand further. My son is also on the autistic spectrum so with all the help i am getting for him hopefully he will have less struggles and be able to cope with relationships as he gets older
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on 6 May 2013
This book has answered so many of my questions and even ones I didn't realise I had!! I feel so much better and stronger now that I realise that my husband is aspergers, having long suspected that he is as my eldest daughter is aspergers too. At times in our relationship I thought I was going mad, felt so low, stressed etc but now I understand 'why' he behaves in a certain way I don't have to take it personally and this helps our marriage tremendously. Our marriage is going from strength to strength.
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on 8 February 2012
This book is not a scientific one and does not go into any of the science or medical perspectives about AS. Instead it is more of a guide to reassure women who are in relationships with a man who has AS. I found it reassuring and from that perspective it did the job. It helped me gain a little more perspective about certain issues I have in my own relationship with an AS man.

It is short. I think is insightful into how a woman may misinterpret her partner and, unlike other reviewers, I didn't think that it put people with AS in a bad light at all. Most of the information I already knew but perhaps didn't appreciate. I enjoyed the quotes from male Aspies and quite often recognised something my partner has said, almost word for word.

If you want to learn about AS, this is not the book for you. If you want to learn about situations you may encounter if your are in a relationship with an AS male, I think this book is a nice, easy read that lets you know you are not the only one. It will not solve your issues. You will have to take what applies to your relationship and ignore what doesn't, but it may help you see things slightly differently.
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on 22 September 2015
Excellent, but hart braking! The realisation of reality is so harsh.
When I first read this two years ago I didn't want to believe it or see that everything it said was so true. his book is so horribly on the money it hurts, it hurts to see that they are the way they are. And lets face it most guys with AS have a inbuilt arrogance layered with massive anxiety/low self esteem that to overcome and deal with the fact that 'they are the problem not the rest of the world' is such a big deal that they wont even look at it, let alone face up to it. They are pretty good at doing the 'head in the sand' thing and distracting themselves (which doesn't take much).

So I recommend you ladies read this and when you are ready listen to it.

Ask yourself if those brief moments of perfect heavenly love you have are real? (Its a common luxury of being with a AS guy, so the answer is probably not.)

And read up on the CADD...

Look after yourself and be happy.
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on 1 January 2014
I'v been with my partner a year (a year of him coming off his meds and going from the most amazing man i'v ever had into what i thought was a total shell of the person i knew) it got hard and several time we were on the break up line (whihc my family even tried pushing me over!) but thankfully after we are doing ok, my partner agreed to get more help about his aspergers (as he is quite newly diginosed and as a result has basically refused to know about it, he confides in his dog who thankfully is assistanct trained so really helps him out) I got this book to try understand aspies more and was crying by page 22. Its really informative and insightful. My partner doenst seem keen on it yet but i told him i have it if he wants to try read it(when i told him he just went on to talk about my pets) Thank you so much for the insight into my wonderful different man, this book is needed by all.
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on 7 December 2013
This book has been a revelation to me. No wonder I have felt as I have over the past 10 years. It came at just the right time. I was desperate to understand why I was so anxious, isolated and lonely in my marriage. Now I know! It is taking my AS husband a long time to understand and acknowledge that he may be part of the problem! It is giving us something concrete to work with.
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on 22 September 2014
i have AS and was diagnosed 5 years ago. I'm married and have 2 boys.
after finding out i had AS it answered a lot of questions in my life.. the more research i did the more it answered and the better i felt. however it highlighted to me that my condition impacted on other people and i noticed for the first time that my wife was missing emotional nourishment and that i had dropped the ball…
above everything else i want to make my wife and children happy and for her to have everything she'll ever need, not just in the materialistic sense.. so we decided that some areas of our relationship needed more attention and that we could work towards having a fuller and more 'normal' relationship.
in working towards having a 'complete' relationship we invested in books and went on forums, etc..
unfortunately this book isn't worth the investment, its a total waste of money and time, and to be honest, is at times out right offensive.
the author generalises and describes AS men in the way a racist xenophobic would describe a foreigner, e.g. all french men wear berets and strings of garlic round there neck.. they don't and not all AS men are incapable of functioning as a human being.. AS guys can be different and relationships can be harder but with acknowledgement of that fact you can then work towards creating a fuller and more open relationship.
rudy simone will have you believe all hope is lost and the pro points she gives you are as ridiculous as they are useless.
one of my biggest issues with this book is the author keeps banging on about women suffering from CADD, which after research I've found out to be a condition that is not only strongly contested but predominately only relevant to women that are cohabiting with men that are 'undiagnosed'. if your reading this book chances are you already know… (its in the title?!) anyway if you don't have CADD you'll think you have it by the time you finish reading the book its that bad.
anyway to sum up.. poorly written and very one sided.. (its like talking to someone when they've just broke up and all they want to do is slate there ex) avoid it, theres better books out there

my best advice would be to be totally open and honest with one another.. a while ago i asked my wife to tell me everything she was thinking and feeling because a lot of the time i didn't pick up on signals or just didn't even realise that what i was doing was creating an issue for her, we find this helps us a lot... and its nice because now i kinda know whats going on on her head!
good luck!
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on 5 March 2014
I have just recently come to realise that my husband of 40 years has Aspergers. The same problems have been happening our whole marriage. Now our children & grandchildren are all living away from us I'm feeling increasingly isolated & lonely. Everyone thinks he is a lovely person and only I experience the cruel coldness. Things came to a head when I told him I was thinking of leaving after a another upsetting time. He arranged an appointment with a counsellor specialising in AS & the next step is to try to get an official diagnosis.

This book described my husband & our marriage perfectly & I felt someone understood & was comforted. I have begun to build my life & am enjoying myself! I have looked for a support group but am unable to find one here in the south of England. Thank you for writing it.
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