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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Joke of a film, Avoid!!, 2 Aug. 2013
By 
Phil (Exeter, England) - See all my reviews
This review is from: The Caretaker [DVD] (DVD)
I bought this after picking it up and looking at all the 4/5 star reviews, stake land meets evil dead and vampire films don't get better than this!
What the hell!!
This was an absolute joke of a film, really really bad acting, bad effects (ok its a low budget film, but still!). The plot sounded good, vampire protects the humans at night while the humans protect the vampire during the day. At first it was okish being very low budget but once you saw the acting and the philosophical "main" vamp it just became a laughing stock for a film!! Me and my girlfriend watched it but we were tempted to turn it off after 1/2 hour, but as always we kept on going. Wish we hadn't now. Don't know how this got any stars or rave reviews. Now I usually look into films more closely and do a bit of research but I just had to be the first reviewer to tell people not to even rent this joke of a film.
Maybe if the effects were better, acting (if you can call it that) miles better this could've been a decent film!
Also, to say its like stake land meets evil dead is an huuuuuge insult to those great films!
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Pounland Quality, 12 Jan. 2014
This review is from: The Caretaker [DVD] (DVD)
I Have given this 2 stars as i have bought worse films from Poundland ( glad i only paid £1)..It's strange because for a low budget film the Dvd had one of the extra cardboard covers over the standard plastic which makes it look like a special edition type thing with shiny embossed writing,
Well after 20 mins i'm thinking yes, this is pretty poor stuff, not really knowing what kind of film it wants to be, the acting is very poor and yes i have still seen worse but i was taken the blonde woman which kinda kept me watching ..as the film progressed i kinda got into it more and the ending kinda remidned me of Near Dark but nowhere near as good.
The effects and make-up are non-existent with just fake blood splattered on clothes and the vampire teeth look like the plastic kind you would also get from Poundland.
Saying all i did watch it all and realise they were trying to make something dramatic and arty using lots of sunset shots and sillouhettes, would have worked better mayve as an out and out comedy to makie some money to put into a bigger budget next time.
Again strangely it has special features including a behind the scemes making off which shows they they all feel they were making somemthing really special with the money they had and that it would go on to be some kind of cult film..well at ;east they had entusiasm.
Will go nest to my other low budget films on my dvd shelf.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars I HAVE SEEN WORSE, 25 Jan. 2015
This review is from: The Caretaker [DVD] (DVD)
The Caretaker is a film about the world being taken over by vampires, the film is cheaply made but still the vampire attacks are very good, am not going to lie and tell you the film is wonderfully acted, far from it most of the actors were abysmal but in a weird way I enjoyed the film, the vampire effects and make up was top notch, and some scenes are very creepy, and I must say the ending was very good.

The film is based on a doctor who has been infected and is becoming a vampire, who then agrees, with a group of survivors, he will protect them at night from the vampire attacks, and in return they will take care of him from human attacks during the day, but like most films not everything goes to plan.

***FEATURES BELOW***

Directors Commentary
Making of The Caretaker
Lester Music Clip
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Avoid like the plague - atrociously made, 2 Sept. 2013
This review is from: The Caretaker [DVD] (DVD)
I'm usually a huge fan of Aussie horror, and I've enjoyed plenty of low budget films - but this isn't just low budget, it's lazily, incompetently written, acted & directed.
The performances are so poor that it's very clear that in most scenes the actors couldn't work out how to judge the emotional tone of the scene and decided to wing it - and relentlessly got it wrong. There are multiple scenes of people massively over-reacting or acting in ways a normal person just wouldn't tolerate, and nobody batting an eyelid.
I could go on to mention the appallingly written plot structure, the ham-fisted dialogue, the badly concealed no-budget mini-gore, and the hilariously bad melodrama, but after 40 minutes we did something I've only ever done 4 or 5 times out of several thousand films - we switched it off. I urge that you don't bother getting that far.
Shockingly poor effort.
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1 of 2 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Whoops I did it again!, 8 Aug. 2013
By 
Paul (SHEERNESS, United Kingdom) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   
This review is from: The Caretaker [DVD] (DVD)
Another 8 quid that I'll never see again handed over to Tescos.
Saw this on display and thought, "8 quid, must be good as it's not 3 quid or even 2 quid but 8 quid. And it's got good reviews on the cover".
Wife says, "You sure, remember that crappy Prince of Jutland film that you bought and thought it would be good?"
"But look, 4 and 5 stars on the cover, and it's 8 quid".
So off to the till, onto the shelf and tonight arrives.
"Cup of tea and a film Babe?" Wife goes off to make the tea and I make the mistake of unwrapping the film...........no chance of a refund now.

No trailers or adverts = Bonus!
Film starts.........so does the plank on the piano who bangs on through the opening credits for nearly 5 minutes, plonk, plonk, f***ing plonk!
Could have fast forwarded but there was what could have been some essential dialogue going on in the background.

AWWHH CRAP this ain't good it's Australian and low budget. A true win double.

First 5 minutes drags by but it seems like an hour. Some div driving an old banger trying not to get sunburnt.
Wife - "Do you think he's the vampire?"
"'Kin hope so - I think I've blown 8 quid here, we'll give it a go".
Scene with a bar type place where there's a bunch of saddos harping on about divorce and stuff and some old bint in bed who is also a vampire, or so it seems.
Right about now we, as a couple, usually choose who we would like to see killed off first. In this case it's everyone including the plank on the ivories.
Skip a couple of chapters and it's still utterly and relentlessly crap.

Soon to be on ebay and hopefully sold unless the bidder sees these reviews first. Let's face it though, I won't see the 8 quid again.
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The Caretaker [DVD]
The Caretaker [DVD] by Tom Conyer (DVD - 2013)
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